


The Gift

by LovingGwendolaj



Category: Game of Thrones RPF
Genre: Braime - Freeform, F/M, IVF, Love, Romance, Surrogacy, gwendolaj - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:08:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 70,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21745780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingGwendolaj/pseuds/LovingGwendolaj
Summary: **This work is RPF**Gwendoline shows up at Nikolaj’s door, unannounced and incredibly nervous. She has a question for him, a request, that will undoubtedly change her life. If he agrees though, what does it mean for him? And for their future?
Relationships: Gwendoline Christie/Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
Comments: 517
Kudos: 351





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m incredibly nervous to share this one, so I decided to go ahead and write the first chapter and see how it’s received before I decide if I’m going to delete it or continue it. I wrote it at the request of a friend, even though it’s something I don’t know a lot about. It’s also a touchy and emotional subject that I want to treat with respect. 
> 
> I’ll wait to hear your thoughts and then decide how to proceed. 
> 
> Also, since there is no messaging feature here I created an email in case people would like to communicate. I do enjoy hearing from you guys. It’s LovingGwendolaj@yahoo . Com (I put in space to make sure it would post properly) 
> 
> Thanks for reading.

Gwendoline had never been so nervous to talk to Nik in all the years she had known him. In fact, other than the first day she worked with him she couldn’t remember being nervous to talk to him at all. The had become friends almost instantly and over a decade later Gwen considered him her best friend in the world. They talked all the time and she told him everything - almost everything. There was this one thing that no one knew about, not her Mum, not a single one of her dearest friends - not even him. 

Now standing at his door, an unexpected guest, she couldn’t get her heart to stop pounding, no matter how many calming deep breaths she took. Her hands were shaking too and the lack of control over her body was making Gwen angry. “Just do it,” she whispered to herself, finally reaching for the doorbell. She knew all his routines and unless something unexpected came up he would be home. More importantly - he would be home alone. 

From their social media Gwen knew his daughters were not in Denmark - and Nukaka hadn’t been back to Denmark for close to a year and a half. They had recently separated too. One day she had just decided she wanted to move home to Greenland to be close to her family and focus on her traditional music - she never came back. She told Nik he was welcome to live with her there, but she wasn’t planning on leaving the country. He tried really hard to make it work for almost an entire year, but with his new production company he couldn’t be in Greenland often enough to make a marriage last. 

Gwen watched her shaky finger press the doorbell. Even this part was weird. Normally she would be texting him on the way over from the airport and he would practically be waiting at the door with a bear hug ready. She dropped her hand to her side and waited. About 10 seconds later the door opened and he was standing there looking confused. “Gwen? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” The confusion quickly changed to a smile. 

“Surprise,” she said meekly with a shrug. 

“Get over here,” he said, pulling her in for one of her favorite hugs. “I’ve missed seeing you, it’s been way too long,” Nik said, pulling her inside. “What’s going on though? You didn’t tell me you were coming?” He was already looking concerned. Gwen didn’t answer as she took off her coat and boots. She hung her coat up and took some time fiddling with her boots, lining them up neatly on the mat. “What are you doing?” he interrupted. “Are you actually putting your boots on the mat and not leaving them in the middle of the floor?” Busted. She knew she needed to get her shit together because he knew her way too well. “Seriously, you’re scaring me now - what’s going on?” 

“Can we sit and talk?” Gwen asked, avoiding his eyes. She knew she was terrifying him, but she couldn’t help it. “There’s something I need to tell you,” she explained. Actually, there’s something I need to ask you, she added in her mind - but whether or not she asked the question would depend on how the rest of the conversation went. The only reason she was there in person was to ask him for something, but if things didn’t feel right she just couldn’t do it. 

“Of course. Let’s go to the living room,” he said. Gwen followed him into the cozy room and saw he had scripts all over the coffee table, with his glasses sitting on top. “Sorry about the mess, just reading over some screenplays.” He was wearing jeans, a tight t-shirt and was barefoot - looking as handsome as ever. 

He started to tidy up the pile until she interrupted. “Don’t worry about that, let’s just talk.” He nodded and sat down on the couch, facing where she had taken a seat in his favorite recliner. She always sat there when she visited because she knew it was where he liked to sit and she enjoyed annoying him. This time though, it had just been out of habit because, right then, the last thing she wanted to do was upset him. Thankfully, he didn’t even seem to notice. 

Gwen started to ring her hands and still couldn’t look him in the eye. “I, uh, don’t know where to begin,” she stammered. 

“Please tell me you’re not sick,” he whispered. 

“Oh no,” Gwen shook her head, feeling even more guilty for making him worry. “It’s nothing like that. It’s nothing bad,” she added, hoping it would ease his mind enough to let her get through it. She didn’t often struggle with words, but her head was so jumbled and she had so much anxiety coursing through her that she couldn’t figure out how to tell her story. “Just give me a second,” she requested, closing her eyes to calm herself and collect her thoughts. With one final long, deep breath she opened her eyes and finally looked at him. A little concern was still in his eyes, but otherwise he seemed to be more relaxed, waiting patiently for her to begin. 

“Do you remember that one interview we did, a long, long time ago, for Game of Thrones where we were joking about the Braime bunch and Jaime and Brienne having a bunch of kids?” she asked. 

His face twisted into a very puzzled expression, but he nodded, “Yeah I remember.” 

“Okay good,” she muttered. It was the segway she had needed and the rest of the story started to flow a little more easily. “This is going to sound really strange,” she said, with a nervous laugh. “But that’s where this whole thing begins.” She could still remember that very moment the seed had been planted in her brain and since then it had grown and blossomed and finally brought her right to that very moment. “I can’t explain why, but after that interview I started thinking about children. I didn’t think I wanted kids, well, to be more accurate - I hadn’t really even considered it. A woman my age and I hadn’t even considered having children,” she stated. “Maybe that’s why I fixated on it, I don’t know. There was also the fact that I had a close friend who had been going through IVF for years and I found out the week before that interview that she was finally pregnant and things were going really well.” She stopped talking for a moment to gauge his reaction. He didn’t seem to be spooked or anxious about what she was saying - in fact, she thought there was even a hint of a smile in his eyes which felt very encouraging. 

“Anyway,” she continued. “I really started to think about my future and whether I wanted to have a baby or not. I went back and forth so many times, and months passed, years even. Then one day I just happened to find out that Giles was adamantly against having children. Again, foolishly, it was something we never brought up. I think he fully believed I felt the same.” She saw the ‘aha’ moment on Nik’s face. She never told him the real reason her and Giles split up several months earlier, just that they had grown apart. To be perfectly honest, she had never even told Giles the real reason and that would haunt her for a long time. Someday she would go visit him and give him the truth he deserved. 

“I stayed with him, because at that point I still didn’t know. But I was getting older and I could feel the possibility slipping away - so just after my 40th birthday I went in and had some eggs harvested and frozen so I would have the option available.” Gwen was already feeling better, finally sharing her secret with someone - the only someone she had really wanted to tell it to for years. “When Game of Thrones ended and I wasn’t as busy anymore that’s when I came back to it again and started really thinking about what it would be like to have a child. My friend I mentioned earlier - she had a little girl and I saw her instagram post one day about what a miracle her child was and it was that sweet girl’s first day of school. It hit me in that moment that I wanted that for myself. I want to see all those first days with a child of my own.” 

At this point Nik actually was smiling. He knew exactly what she was talking about because he’d been through it himself. His daughters were his whole world. “So I ended things with Giles and I started researching more seriously. I’ve been going through all my options and the process and the risks - I’m going to do it Nik - I’m going to have a baby,” she finished with tears in her eyes. 

“Are you already pregnant?” he gasped, his eyes widening. 

Gwen quickly shook her head. “No, not yet. There’s one more thing I need first.” It was time - the moment of truth she had been so scared and nervous about. “I need a sperm donor,” she said. The room was spinning and she felt like she couldn’t get a full breath. “I’ve looked through so many options and none of them seem right. I must have read hundreds of profiles and I just can’t find one that - well, that feels good.” 

Nik froze and she could tell he already knew what was coming. She couldn’t read him right then and it was so scary she almost didn’t ask. You have flown her to do this face to face. He’s your best friend and he loves you. Just ask. “I wanted to ask if you would be my donor?” Gwen blurted out. It was rushed and she knew her voice sounded terrified. It wasn’t at all what she had planned or imagined, but it was finally out there. When he didn’t say anything right away she finished up with what she actually had planned on saying. “Don’t answer right away. Take a few days to think about it and call me when you decide.” She stood up - that was it. It was done and now it was time for her to leave. “I’ll understand either way,” Gwen added. “I can keep looking but I just had to ask because it’s the first option that has felt right in my gut and my heart.” 

She straightened her shirt and started to say goodbye. “Just call when you know okay? Take as long as you need.” 

“Gwen,” he said, before she could move. “Why don’t you stay a few days?” 

She shook her head. “I can’t. I have a flight in a few hours. I just wanted to ask you in person. It didn’t feel right to ask over the phone.” 

“So that’s it? You flew all the way here and you’re just going to leave?” Nik looked bewildered. 

She could have used the excuse that she wanted to give him space to think, but it was Nik and she was always honest with him. “I don’t think I can bare to hear you answer in person if it’s a no,” she admitted. “So I have to go.” 

Nik was already shaking his head and he moved closer to make sure she didn’t get away. “I have two things to say - the first -” He reached for her and pulled her into a big, warm hug. “I’m so happy for you and really, really proud of how strong and brave you are,” he said into her ear, holding her tightly. Gwen didn’t want to cry, but she let herself shed a few tears as they embraced. There was so much about him that was perfect and she wanted her child to have the chance at getting those qualities from a man she knew and trusted. 

When he released her she brushed away her tears and got out a “thank you.” 

“Now the second part,” he said. “This isn’t you. This isn’t the way you do things.” 

“Wh- what do you mean?” she stammered. 

“You don’t ask a question and run away. You push and persist until you get what you want,” he said. “You never give up on anything. So why this? One of the most important things you could ever want and you’re just going to lay it out there and see what happens?” 

“Nik,” she sighed. “This isn’t like choosing a restaurant or deciding what movie to watch on Netflix.” 

“What about hearing about this amazing role that you think you’ll be perfect for and doing everything in your power to make sure you get the part?” he asked. 

Gwen sighed again. “It’s still not the same thing.” 

“You want this though?” he asked. 

“Of course I do,” she snapped. “I wouldn’t have come all this way if it wasn’t incredibly important to me.” 

“Good, then stay. Fight. Convince me,” he challenged her. 

In her mind Gwen was going through all the reasons it was wrong to stay. It should be his decisions. She shouldn’t push him or pressure him. He should have space and time to make up his mind. For some reason though, she found herself agreeing. “Okay, I’ll stay,” she nodded. While her mind was still fighting - in her heart she felt certain she had made the right choice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t planning on updating this one so soon, but I was inspired by all the love and kindness I received on the first chapter. I’m going to reply to each and every one of the lovely comments, but I truly wanted to thank you all for sharing your feelings and the personal touches some of you shared. Also, thank you for your faith in my ability to treat this delicate issue with respect. I may add things that are more to the extreme since it’s fiction and we want to keep things interesting, but I am trying to do some research and not write misinformed. Again, if anyone is familiar with this kind of thing, particularly in the UK, please forgive any booboos 😘 
> 
> Love you all ❤️❤️❤️

“We should celebrate,” Nik said. “At this point, my decision isn’t what matters. The important thing is that you’re planning to have a baby and I’m so happy for you.” He smiled at her. “I’m going to go shower while you bring in your cute little suitcase on wheels and get set up in the guest room. Then we’re going out for dinner.” 

“Nik, uh, could we order in instead?” She asked hopefully. 

“All the times you’ve visited here and you’re still worried about the language?” He laughed. “We could continue our Danish lessons,” he offered, looking extremely amused. 

“Uh, no,” Gwen pouted. “Last time we went to dinner I tried to order a cup of snow.” He had offered to help her learn food words so she could order from the menu and it hadn’t gone well at all. The server and Nik enjoyed laughing at her all night and she had a little snow globe at home that he had sent her as a joke. In all honestly it was pretty funny, but she just didn’t feel like she could take the over stimulation of being immersed in a sea of language she didn’t know. “Please?” She added. “I’ve been pretty stressed lately.” 

He nodded. “I’m still going to shower though, and then we’ll order something from Guru. Okay?” Gwen agreed and then went out to her rental car to get her small suitcase. She packed it just in case there were any issues with her flight, even though she had planned on being home late that night. She had been stranded without her things once and swore she would never let it happen again. 

While she was waiting she called and booked her car for a couple more days and then called the airline to push her flight back. As she started organizing her things in the guest room she let her mind wander to what had just happened. I finally did it, she thought, and he didn’t immediately say no. He also hadn’t seemed offended, disgusted or looked at her like she was insane. He almost seemed like he wanted to be convinced. She didn’t quite understand it though. Gwen was very good at over analyzing everything so she thought about possible reasons he reacted that way. Could it be guilt? Like, maybe he figured he should say no but if she convinced him it would relieve some of that guilt? Or, what if he already knew he was going to say yet but wanted her to grovel for it? The last idea she had, which she chose to believe was the most likely, was that he genuinely wanted to talk it through, ask questions and make an informed decision. That seemed like a very “Nik” approach. 

By the time Gwen came back out to the kitchen he had already ordered their food. She trusted him to get something she would like because he knew all of her favorites and what she hated. 

Dinner was nice. They talked and laughed, like the dear friends they were. They got caught up on anything they had missed talking about on the phone, which wasn’t much because they talked all the time. The food was delicious Indian cuisine from a place they had ordered from a few times and Gwen ate every last bite. 

Once dinner was over, it was time to get back to business and she felt the butterflies returning. Nik started with his first question, “So why me?” 

Gwen wiped her face with a napkin, stalling for a moment while she planned what she was going to say. Before she could speak Nik continued. “Listen, I know you and I keep things light and we joke and tease each other 99 percent of the time, but I want you to know that I understand what this means to you and I promise I will take it seriously and give it the respect it deserves.” 

“Well there’s a good example right there of why I want you to be my donor,” Gwen said, fighting back tears. She found she was getting so emotional when she tried to talk about it. “You are kind and brave. You’re smart, funny, athletic and very handsome. Oh and you don’t have red hair in your family anywhere.” 

“What do you have against gingers?” He interrupted, looking amused. 

“Nothing really, I love that hair color, but come on, with my complexion the poor kid would be like the vampires on True Blood when they went in the sun,” she replied with a laugh.

“Such a good show,” he sighed.

“I know right? Team Bill or Team Eric?” She asked him. 

“Bill of course,” Nik responded. 

“See, another reason I want your DNA - you have great taste,” she beamed. “But at the same time we are also very different too.”

“And that’s a good thing?” He asked, looking unsure of what she meant. 

“Yeah, I figured that way the baby could get the best of both of us and be even more amazing,” she said with a shrug. 

“But what if it doesn’t? What if it gets the worst? What about all my faults?” He pressed. 

Normally Gwen would be ready with a long list of his faults and she would constantly remind him of them, but for some reason, right then, she couldn’t think of any. “I, uh, well, I guess I can teach him or her to be better,” she tried to cover. 

“Which faults specifically?” He asked, his eyes sparkling to tell her she was busted.

“Shut up,” she muttered. “I can’t believe I’m admitting this,” Gwen sighed. “But I picked you because your faults are few and minor.” 

“I vowed to take this seriously tonight, but one day I get to remind you what you said,” he whispered. 

“Deal,” she whispered back. 

“So if I were to agree, hypothetically,” Nik continued. “What would my place be? What are you plans and expectations?”

Gwen had been expecting this very question and she was fully prepared to answer it. “Obviously I’m not expecting anything more than your DNA,” she began. “You don’t have to worry about anything like that.” She noticed he actually looked a bit disappointed, which threw her. What was that all about? She wondered. Did he want to be a part of her baby’s life? She shook off the questions, she could think about those later. Gwen continued, “I’ve planned to be honest so when he or she is old enough I will explain how they were conceived and I’ll tell them about you - if you agree to that of course,” she added. She couldn’t look at him right then because she didn’t want to feel even more confused by his reaction. “And if that’s the case and the two of you choose to have a deeper emotional relationship at that point I will fully support it.” She finally looked at him again. “You’re my best friend though, they will know you. You’ll be around in that capacity of course. So when you make your choice you need to keep that in mind. I can’t lose you because of this - if it’s too hard for you, if you think you won’t be able to be around my child, then say no. You’re too important to me.” 

“I’ll be sure to take that into consideration,” he replied. Nik took a deep breath. “And my last question for now, I think, is what’s the process? And when would it start?” 

Gwen nodded, also ready for that question. “Well, because I would be receiving sperm from a known donor to use in the IVF procedure there are a few things we would need to do. There is mandatory counselling that we have to attend - minimum of two sessions - to discuss issues that could arise. So even if you say yes initially you might change your mind after that,” she explained. The counselor would discuss all the potential emotional reactions that are common in situations like theirs and she knew it could make Nik question his decision. “They also require that we provide a legal agreement or a contract outlining parental rights. It’s recommended that we get separate lawyers, but if you’re comfortable just using my lawyer we can do that. Otherwise I’ll pay whatever legal fees you incur.” 

“That’s not really necessary,” he said with a shrug. 

“Nik, stop,” she said, giving him a look. “This is my responsibility, all of it, so if you need a lawyer to help me out then I’ll be paying for it.” He nodded. Gwen knew he could tell by her tone that arguing was futile. “So yeah, if we get through all of that and you’re still willing you would have some testing done and then make the donation at the clinic. They freeze it and store it until it’s time to start the IVF process, but essentially at that point your job would be done unless there were any unforeseen issues that came up.” 

“You know, we could always just do it the old fashioned way and save time and money,” he said, with a little smile. 

Gwen felt a stirring inside her. Her mind drifted to the last time she’d been at his home and how they had fucked all weekend. They were both single and lonely. One thing led to another and they found themselves enjoying each other’s company, multiple times. Of course they discussed it and passed it off as adding some “benefits” to their friendship. Gwen thought it was a one time thing, but only a month earlier he’d been in London and they hooked up again. The sex was great and they were both single adults so she’d spent the two week afterwards convincing herself it was just physical pleasure and it had nothing to do with why she had fixated on him being her donor. Nik donating his sperm just made sense to her because he was her closest friend, and she loved and trusted him. 

“I wish that were an option,” she said sadly. “But it seems I have started menopause.” 

“Aren’t you a little young for that?” he asked, looking surprised. 

“Not really,” Gwen shook her head. “My mom was in her early 40s, which is part of why I did the egg harvesting when I turned 40.” She took a deep breath. “There’s another reason why it has to be done this way - I decided I’m going to use a surrogate.” 

“You don’t want to carry the baby on your own?” he asked, looking even more surprised. 

“I thought a lot about it,” she admitted. “And I’m just worried with my age that it might be safer to have a younger woman carry the baby. I just, well, I know myself and if I were to lose the baby I wouldn’t try again. I would blame myself or take it as a sign it wasn’t meant to be,” Gwen shrugged. “Mostly I guess I’m just scared.” 

“You would do amazing -” he started to say. 

“Don’t,” she warned. “My mind is already made up on this and I’ve even visited a couple of the not for profit organizations that help women find surrogates.” 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. She nodded in understanding. She hadn’t meant to be so abrupt, but it was something she had weighed over and over again and now that she had made up her mind she didn’t want to risk second guessing herself again. “So what are these organizations for? I thought the fertility clinic just had surrogates available and you paid them?” 

Gwen shook her head. “I think that’s how it works in the US and maybe here, I’m not sure. But in the UK it’s illegal to pay a surrogate. It’s also a bit messy afterwards because the surrogate becomes the legal parent when the child is born and I would have to adopt it.” 

“But it’s your DNA. The baby is biologically yours,” Nik looked completely miffed. 

“Yeah, well, the UK has some weird laws,” she shrugged. “It usually pretty quick and easy from what I’ve heard, more of a pain than anything.” 

“Hmm,” he muttered. “Oh and how soon would you need me in London?” he asked. 

“As soon as possible, but I’ll work around your schedule obviously,” she answered his question honestly. 

Nik continued to nod his head while he thought. “Okay, so I guess that’s all I wanted to know. I have to think about it, but I’ll let you know soon.” 

“Even if you need a week or so, that’s fine,” Gwen said nervously. The sooner the better for her because she was going to be a nervous wreck until he made his decision. 

“I’ll know by tomorrow,” he said. “Just need to sleep on it,” he added, with a yawn. 

“Oh, okay, that would be amazing,” she replied, feeling a little better. “Thank you for listening to me and for asking all those questions. It means a lot to me that you want to make an informed decision and that you’re taking it so seriously.” Her eyes stung. “Oh fuck, here we go again,”’ she grumbled. “This whole thing has me so damn emotional.” 

Nik stood up and held out his hand. She took it and let him pull her into a long, gentle hug. “No matter what happens you’re not alone,” he whispered. “I’ll be there for you whenever you need me.” Gwen whispered thank you and hugged him tighter. She tucked her head into his neck and prayed that he’d just given away his decision.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I wanted to thank you for all the kindness and love on this fic. I haven’t really ventured into anything that has the potential for so much emotion so I’m both nervous and excited about that. 
> 
> This might be a real slow burn in the Gwendolaj romance/smut area but I’ve thought about maybe including some flashbacks or some other ideas to give you guys a little bit here and there.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and letting me know what you think. ❤️❤️❤️

Being that close to Nik and feeling so emotional while he comforted her and held her - it was a deadly combination. It felt good, probably too good. The small, calming circles he was rubbing on her back may have been easing her mind, but they were having the opposite effect on her body. 

Gwen titled her head slightly. She wasn’t even sure it had been a fully conscious decision to do so, but that was all it took for his lips to find hers. It only took her a few seconds to realize it was wrong and they needed to stop, but she let the kiss continue anyway. She wasn’t sure how he was going to react when she finally pulled away, so perhaps it was just her selfish way of making sure the kiss was a good one - if it was indeed their last. 

After a minute or two, maybe longer, of intense, passionate kissing and some groping from both parties, Gwen finally found the strength to end it. She put her hands on his shoulders and pulled back, keeping them firmly there because she honestly didn’t know if she could stop things a second time if he moved back in. “Nik, we can't,” she said sadly. “We really shouldn’t,” she added. Gwen didn’t know why she felt the need to add that second part and give him a sliver of hope. Perhaps it was because she wasn’t completely ready to accept that they would never be together again in that way. 

“You’re right,” he agreed with a nod, taking a big step back from her. It only took her a minute to realize that he was agreeing with her only for the sake of agreeing and he really didn’t know why they shouldn’t continue. It was both noble and irritating at the same time. It was sweet and generous that he was willing to just give in and trust her choice, but she didn’t know how he couldn’t see it was a bad idea. 

“I know you haven’t made your decision yet,” Gwen began, prefacing what was to come. “But hypothetically, what do you think one of the first things the counselor will ask us about is?” 

He thought for a moment. Maybe he really didn’t know the answer but Nik was a smart man and he came up with a logical deduction. “If we’re in any sort of relationship?” 

Gwen nodded. “They’re going to ask, in a polite and politically correct way, if we’re fucking.” She saw him nod and shrug a bit as he considered her words. “I would like to be able to say at that point that we’re not,” Gwen finished. 

“You don’t think they’re going to ask about our history? Even if we stop and never have sex again, there’s still the fact that we have, more than once. Unless you’re thinking we should lie about it?” He asked. “And if that’s the case, what does it matter if we have actually stopped or not?” 

He was making very logical points, but she hadn’t intended on lying. “Of course I wouldn’t ask you to lie. That defeats the purpose of what they are trying to achieve with the counseling. I just, I, uh, I just think it would be better if we could honestly say we had a brief fling, but we’re just good friends and will always be there for each other.” 

“I’ll always be there for you whether we’re having sex or not. Those two things are completely independent of each other,” he replied, looking a little hurt. 

“I know that. And you know that. But I think we’re unique in that way,” she explained. “We would never allow anything to come between our friendship, but not a lot of people can navigate things the way we can. Once a relationship becomes physical it doesn’t always end well. Things can get awkward, messy - “ Her voice trailed off. She believed what she said, she really, truly did. The truth was though, even with the strength of their relationship and the maturity and logical way they both saw the world and approached situations - this one had the potential to get really emotional and very tricky. 

Nik inhaled and exhaled slowly. Then he just nodded in agreement but didn’t add anything. That worried her in more ways than one. Even though she knew in her head, and her heart, that he would never be petty, especially about something that meant the world to her, Gwen couldn’t kick the thought that her ending their sexual relationship might influence his decision. Other men, maybe, but not Nik. She was sure of it. Her life and her future meant more to him than some casual sex between them. Even if it was really great sex. 

She also worried about what he was thinking with respect to what she had just said. Did he actually agree? Or was he just avoiding any sort of argument? 

Gwen took a step closer to him and reached for his hand. Dangerous territory - her mind screamed, but that didn’t stop her. “Please don’t think that I don’t want to,” she said softly. She honestly had no idea why it seemed important to tell him that. “I just don’t think we should right now. Who knows about the future, but I just, I can’t, I have so much going on in my head, I don’t -“ 

She was stammering like a fool when he finally interrupted her. “You don’t need to explain a thing to me, I get it. I know you.” Nik squeezed her hand, then leaned in and kissed her gently on the forehead. “Let’s call it a night. Get some sleep and we can talk more in the morning, okay?” 

Gwen nodded and they walked to the hall, then turned in separate directions. “Night,” he called out. 

“Night,” she replied. Gwen went into the bedroom and shut the door behind her. His words kept ringing in her ears - I know you, I know you, I know you. It was true, he did know her well. In fact, she was quite certain no one knew her better. 

That fact led to her spending the next two hours wondering how it would affect his decision. Gwen put on pyjamas and tried to sleep but it was after 2am when she finally gave up and wandered to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and took out a bottle of juice. She poured a glass and put it away, but before she could sit at the table to drink it she realized she wasn’t alone. “Couldn’t sleep?” Nik asked her. He followed her lead and got himself a drink from the fridge as well. 

“I tried and tried, but it just wasn’t happening,” she sighed. 

“Well, since we’re both awake, did you want to get this over with now?” He asked. 

Gwen felt her heart start to race and she couldn’t keep the shakiness out of her voice when she spoke, “Does that mean you have made your decision?” 

“Yes and no,” he replied. “There’s something I need to say to you and then I guess the final decision is in your hands.” 

“Um, okay,” Gwen nodded. “What is it?” Even in the middle of the night when she should have been exhausted her mind was racing with possible scenarios. 

Nik took a deep breath and run a hand through his hair, making it stick up at the front. Gwen resisted the urge to fix it and let him speak. “You know there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you,” he started. She immediately felt her heart sink. He was going to say no. But he’d said the decision would be up to her, so it didn’t make sense. Let him finish, a voice in her head spoke. “So if you want me to be your donor I’ll do it.” Gwen resisted the urge to squeal or cry or throw her arms around him because she knew there was more to come. “But I need to be able to be there for you as a friend,” he added. His words didn’t really sink in until he explained further. “I know you want to be strong and brave and do this alone and I get that. Being a single mom is hard but I know you can do it. I have no worries about that. The thing is - you have friends, and you have me, so you don’t need to do it all alone.” 

“What are you saying?” Gwen mumbled. She honestly didn’t know what he was implying. Maybe it was the late hour and the fact her brain needed sleep because she was usually able to follow his train of thought easily. 

Nik put his hands up. “You’re the parent. I get that. I’ll sign whatever I need to sign to release any rights I have in that respect. I’m not suggesting I be any sort of father figure at all,” he said. “But I am your best friend and I want to be able to be there for you like a best friend should. I want to go with you to appointments if you want company, I want to be a shoulder to lean on, I want you to be able to talk to me about everything, just like we always have. If you need someone to watch the baby so you can have a nap, I want to be able to do that for you.” Gwen was slowly cluing in to where he was going with all of it. “If you think that’s going to be a problem because the child is biologically mine, then I can’t do it. I can live with the baby being yours, I understand and it makes sense to me, but I can’t lose any of what we have because of it.” 

Wait, was he referring to the sex part too? She wondered. Nik must have read the look on her face. “No I don’t mean the sex stuff. I understand your point there. I mean everything else.” She immediately felt guilty for even going there in her mind. “This is going to be the most exciting time in your life.” Nik sighed. “Maybe I’m an asshole and maybe I’m being selfish here, but I don’t want to miss out on seeing you happy and seeing you be the most amazing mum in the world.” 

Gwen couldn’t speak. There was so much going on in her mind all at once. The thrill and elation of him saying yes and then the worry that went along with the rest. “Nik. I -“

“No,” he interrupted. “This time it’s your turn to sleep on it.” He finished his juice and stood up. “Try to get some rest and decide in the morning. The middle of the night, running on fumes is not the right time to make this kind of decision.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead one more time. “Sleep. Please.” Then he walked away. 

“Sleep, yeah right,” she muttered, when he was gone. Then Gwen put her head on the table with a long sigh and wondered how she was ever going to sort out the jumbled mess in her brain.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is happily preparing for the holiday season and ready to enjoy time with friends and family in whatever manner you celebrate. 
> 
> Thank you all for the kindness you have expressed me over the last several months. It’s been wonderful and brought so much happiness to me. 
> 
> I’ll leave my email again for anyone uncomfortable about leaving a public comment or who wants to discuss anything :) 
> 
> LovingGwendolaj@yahoo.com
> 
> Best wishes to you all ❤️

It was 11:48 am when Gwendoline woke the next morning. It had been after 4am the last time she looked at the clock, but she was still shocked she had slept so long. Usually she was wide awake after a good 5-6 hour sleep, but for some reason she was still exhausted despite the almost 8 hours she’d been out. 

She stretched and yawned then grabbed her things and trudged to the bathroom. Nik had likely been up for hours already. Knowing him he had probably already gone for a jog or bike ride and came home and showered by that point too. 

By the time she was showered and dressed, with her teeth brushed and her hair and makeup done Gwen was feeling much better. She needed coffee - badly, but other than that she felt quite amazing. 

It had taken her a couple of hours to ease her mind and make her decision the night before, but once she had come to a conclusion she felt great about it. The emotional toll and eventual relief was likely why she had slept so well. 

Nik was sitting at the kitchen table with his glasses on, drinking coffee and reading scripts, when she entered. “I heard you were up so I made a fresh pot,” he said. 

“Oh God, thank you,” she groaned, racing to the cupboard to get a big mug. Gwen filled it to the top, added cream and sugar, then took a drink. It was perfect. 

Even though it was getting close to lunch time she wasn’t that hungry yet. She needed to tell him her decision. That was her only focus now that she had her coffee. 

When she sat down he laid the script on the table and took off his glasses. “I’m glad you got some sleep,” he said, smiling at her. 

“I cannot believe it’s so late,” she sighed. “Sorry I slept so long.” 

Nik shrugged. “You must have needed it.” 

Gwen didn’t let the silence linger long after he spoke. “I made my decision,” she blurted out. Nik’s smile got bigger, likely because she wasn’t hiding her excitement. “I weighed the pros and cons first and that didn’t get me anywhere,” Gwen explained. “So I tried a visualization technique I have used before. I tried to picture and imagine what it would be like to go through this without you there so I could feel it, and see if I could handle it -“ Gwen let her voice trail off. 

“And?” Nik asked, when she waited too long. 

“I couldn’t do it,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders. “I literally could not make myself conjure up a scenario in my mind where you weren’t there. It wasn’t possible.” Gwen licked her lips and looked at him. “From the first moment that I decided to go down this road, even before I knew I wanted you to be my donor, I always knew you would be there for me, as a friend,” she added. “You’re a part of my life and that will never change, so I just can’t picture any of my life, let alone the biggest moment of my life, without you in it.” Nik looked both happy and relieved. “So with that being said - I would be grateful and honored to have you by my side to support me and help me along this crazy, scary path.” 

“Can we still argue?” he asked. “And can I make fun of you when you put a diaper on wrong and it falls off? Or when the baby pukes all over your fancy clothes or pees in your face?” 

Gwen sighed dramatically, “Who am I to remove such obvious pleasure from your life.” She gave him a cocky look, “But I will be great at the diaper thing. You’ve seen me wrap presents. I’m amazing.” 

He looked extremely amused. “Oh God I can’t wait to watch you attempt to wrap something that’s moving like a cat trying to get out of the bath.”

“I’ll hang one of those cute mobile things over the change table - I’ll be fine,” she said confidently. 

“I’m actually more excited about this now than I was two minutes ago,” he snickered. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re going to be a great mum. Amazing. The best. But the joys of parenting come with a cost - it’s give and take really. They’re just cute and perfect enough to make you want to keep them even when you’re pretty sure they need an exorcism.” 

“I can’t believe Filippa and Safina were that bad,” Gwen said skeptically. 

“They get better with age,” he chuckled. “At least mine did. But you’ll have your moments, believe me.” Gwen felt a bit of anxiety creeping in and she started wringing her hands nervously. “Stop,” Nik said gently, reaching out to calm her. He could always tell when she was worrying. “I’m not joking when I say that being a parent is the hardest thing in the entire world to do.” Gwen gave him a look that said, you’re not helping. “But it’s also the most rewarding,” he continued. “To get to watch them learn and create and become their own little person. To have a piece of yourself to love and hold and cherish. To see that little head tilt or mischievous half smile and know exactly who they got it from - it’s incredible,” he breathed. “It’s magical and beautiful and there’s nothing else like it.” He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “The first time they look in your eye you’ll fall even more in love than you knew was possible. The first time they cry and you’re the only one who can calm them down. The first time they call you mama. Literally each and every single day when you can’t believe you could love that tiny creature a single ounce more - you will. And that never stops. Never.” 

Gwen didn’t often get to see this side of Nik. This sweet and sentimental side. They spent most of their time together being silly and arguing about nothing and just trying to one up each other at every turn. But she loved this side of him as much as she loved all the other parts of their relationship. “Thank you,” she said softly. 

Gwen took a moment to look at him - to really look into his dark blue eyes. He was such a good man. He was kind, generous and helpful. And he was also an incredible father. She knew his daughters adored him. Gwen wondered how she’d got so lucky to have him in her life and to have become the deeply connected friends they were. 

“So I guess this is really happening, huh?” he commented. 

Gwen took a deep breath and nodded. “I guess it is.” The emotions in her brain were almost overwhelming. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself because she knew there was a long road to go, but so far it was all going according to plan. 

“Things are going to get crazy,” Nik said. “Your life will never be the same as it is right now and by extension, neither will mine.” He didn’t sound sad, but there was something wistful and bittersweet about his words. “I know you probably have to get back to London soon and start the process, but we still have today.” 

“What do you mean?” Gwen asked. 

“I was thinking maybe we can spend today like we would have a few months ago, if you just came to visit like you used to,” he explained. “Before all of this and before we - you know -” 

“Started fucking?” she said bluntly. 

“You have such a way with words,” he laughed. The irony of that statement was that Gwen could actually be a very eloquent and polished speaker when she needed to be. “But yes, before we started fucking.” 

“Do you regret it?” Gwen asked curiously. 

“Not at all,” he replied instantly. “I don’t regret any second we have spent together,” Nik added. She didn’t like the way it sounded like an ending or something, even though in a way it was because like he said - her life would never be quite the same again. “I just know that you want to avoid those kinds of extracurriculars, so I’m suggesting we spend the day like we would have before those cards were on the table.” She truly appreciated how thoughtful and mature he was being about everything. 

“Okay, so what are we going to do then?” she asked. 

“Lunch first and then -” Nik got up and went over to a drawer. He returned with a brochure. “Then this.” 

“New Game of Thrones themed Escape Room,” she read out loud. “With Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow trapped in the dungeons below the Red Keep, Queen Cersei sits on the Iron Throne. But Dany’s dragons are missing their mother and wreaking havoc all over Westeros. It’s up to you to free Jon and Dany before the dragons get to King’s Landing and burn the city and everyone in it to ashes. 2-4 players.” 

“Don’t try to analyze the scenario,” Nik said quickly. “Yes, it’s ridiculous, but it doesn’t matter. The point is we go in and solve a bunch of clues until we finally open the cell and ‘free’ Jon and Dany.”

“Is sounds fun,” Gwen said quickly. This would be the third escape room they had done together. The first was in an old castle in Belfast with a bunch of cast members and the other was about a year ago when he came to London for a visit. She would have loved to do more actually. They could be very addicting. She loved the race against time and trying to figure out the clues and puzzles and just the challenge of wanting to win. “But you have to promise you’ll listen to me this time,” she warned. The last time they wasted 10 minutes arguing and it had turned out she was right. 

“I know, I know,” he grumbled. “No arguing. Team Gwen and Nik this time.” 

“Team Gwendolaj,” she corrected him as they shared a smile. They knew what the fans called them. 

“So? What do you say? One last Team Gwendolaj hurrah? We’ll grab lunch, do the escape room and then come back here and get drunk,” he suggested. “Oh and when we are thoroughly inebriated we can play that game where we mute the TV and do voice over for infomercials.” 

Gwen cackled loudly. “We haven’t done that in a long time,” she said excitedly. “No social media though,” she warned. 

“I messed up one time - a long ago and you just can’t let it go,” he said, pretending to be annoyed. His drunken mess up could have got them in a lot of trouble, but that was a story for another day. 

“Come on, let’s get going. I want to stop at that arcade place too and beat your ass at pinball and Ms. Pac Man,” Gwen said, standing up to get her purse. She couldn’t wait to spend the day just being free and happy with Nik before she jumped back on the emotional rollercoaster that would soon be her reality for quite some time.


	5. Chapter 5

The memories of the day before kept her warm on the short flight back home but did little to dispel how much she missed him. It was the same each time they parted - the lonely ache, the craving to see his smile and hear his voice. Having your favorite person living in a different country was really hard and Gwen knew it would never get any easier so they had to make the best of the time they had together. 

They certainly had made the best of things the day before. Somewhere in the depths of social media there was likely a selfie they took with a huge fan at the Escape Room. Gwen was actually pleasantly surprised it had only been the one - that, and the photo they had taken after completing the room for the Instagram and Facebook accounts of the business. They were so excited to have ‘Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth’ playing their game - and how could she blame them? There was no way her and Nik could refuse them the chance at some pretty incredible advertising. 

After kicking ass at the Escape room and actually working as a team (technically it was her telling him what to do and everything he was doing wrong, but he took it quite well), they stopped by the arcade and things didn’t go as well for her as she would have hoped. After losing every single game she was sure that Nik must have been stopping by to practice without her. Her suspicion was confirmed when the man at the counter called out “see you next week” to Nik as they were leaving. She didn’t let him live it down for the rest of the night or that morning either. Her last words when she left the house were, “See you later you big Cheater.” 

He just laughed at her and waved goodbye, while Gwen resisted the urge to run back and hug him again. It had been hard enough giving him a quick hug and peck on the cheek moments earlier and she knew if she went back for another one she wouldn’t be able to walk away at all. Not until one thing led to another and that quick peck became something much more. 

You need some distance from him, she told herself. In the near future they would be spending a lot of time together - intimate, emotional time, and she needed to prepare herself mentally for that. Being around Nik, laughing for hours like they had the night before - it was amazing and special, but it was also confusing sometimes and she couldn’t deal with that with everything else that was going on in her life. He’s your dearest friend, he’s your rock, but he’s nothing more. How many times had she repeated that to herself? She just had to find a way to believe it, because if everything went the way she hoped it would she would have someone far more important than herself in her life very soon. That little someone needed and deserved all of her love and attention so there was no way she could afford any messy distractions. 

How do you even know there’s potential for that anyway? Gwen wondered. Other than the sex, Nik had never showed any signs of wanting their relationship to be anything more than it was. And they had both agreed the sex was just for fun. Since they were both single - why not? He had never once suggested they venture down a new path and become more than friends. It wouldn’t work anyway and he knows that, she thought. We don’t even live in the same fucking country. Gwen scowled at that sentiment. She loved London and had no desire to move to Denmark. Not that it wasn’t a beautiful country - it was lovely and the people were kind, but it wasn’t home to her. It was home to Nik though and she knew he loved it there every bit as much as she adored the UK. See - it’s not even possible, she concluded, attempting to close the book on something she didn’t even need to be thinking about anyway.

Well, at least I wasted over half the flight being distracted by that pointless exercise, Gwen mused. She decided to change focus for the rest of the time in the air and get her next steps organized now that she had her donor. She had already been to an agency in London called Brilliant Beginnings. They help match families with available surrogates due to the legal challenges of surrogacy in the UK. She had paid for a consult called an ‘options review’ where they spend several hours going over absolutely every aspect of the surrogacy process, including the legal details, and then answer any questions she might have. 

She had listened closely, made sure to have anything she didn’t understand explained fully and then she had done even more research afterwards. Gwen considered herself an expert on all the details by that point, though she obviously didn’t know what it was like to actually fully go through the process yet. 

She had been assigned a case manager, a wonderful woman named Margie, and Gwen hope that by the time she was home she would have an email waiting to say they had matched her with a possible surrogate. She could have checked her email from her phone, but with the way her emotions had been getting the best of her lately she decided she needed to do it in the privacy of her flat. If they had a match it didn’t mean that would for sure be Gwen’s surrogate. She would have the chance to review the woman’s file and then approve a meeting if she liked the choice. But it was one step closer to making this dream a reality and it was incredibly nerve wracking. Gwen was so worried it would take several tries before they found the right match and even though Margie reassured her that this was often the case and they understood, Gwen didn’t want to seem like a control freak. She also didn’t want to make the wrong choice - so she was incredibly anxious about the whole thing. It wasn’t like she had someone else helping her make the decision - it was all on her. 

Her mind flickered back to Nik. If it was literally anything else in her life he would be her sounding board. But now, more than ever, she just couldn’t involve him in this kind of decision - it wasn’t fair to either one of them after the position she had put him in. It would be hard though, so hard. Gwen knew he would be on her mind every time any part of her journey became stressful. While she had agreed to allow him to help, she also knew there were some boundaries that were necessary to protect them both.

She changed gears once again and started thinking ahead to some other ‘next steps.’ She would have to call the fertility clinic and let them know she had a donor, that it was a known donor, and then set up the joint counselling sessions with Nik. Gwen was hoping that they could do the counseling and then the donation soon after so she wouldn’t have to ask Nik to either stay too long or make extra trips to London. He was already giving her an incredible gift and she wanted to make it as convenient as possible for him. She would be sure to explain that to the clinic and Gwen was confident they would understand and try to help her out. 

She took a moment to look out the window of the plane at the fluffy white clouds they were flying above. It always amazed her just how beautiful things could be high up in the air. The sun was reflecting off the clouds making them sparkle and she couldn’t help but smile. Nature was spectacular. 

But so is science, she thought, her eyes moving away from the clouds and onto her phone screen. She took a quick peek at social media and it didn’t take long to find out the Escape Room had posted the photo of her and Nikolaj. It was everywhere on Instagram and Twitter. She tapped on a random post and brought up the photo. They were holding funny signs in one hand, had their arms around each other and they were both smiling radiantly. The looks captured on their faces perfectly expressed how she felt when she was with Nikolaj, and she was certain it was the same for him. 

Gwen shrugged and added the post to her instastory. She didn’t put any additional comments or repost the photo, just added it to her story and closed the app. Fans would love it and it made her happy to throw them a bone once in a while. 

The rest of the flight was smooth. The airport was busy but not crazy and it didn’t take long before she was driving home. When she arrived at her flat Gwen set her things down by the door and headed straight for her MacBook. She powered it up and waited impatiently for it to load. Again, she could have just quickly checked her email from her phone, but for some reason it just seemed right to sit in front of her computer and do it this way. 

When it was time she clicked on her email and watched the new messages pop up. Her eyes scrolled quickly and her heart stopped when she saw there was one from Margie@Brilliantbeginnings.co.uk. She held her breath and clicked on it, then read it quickly. The last few sentences were blurred by her tears after reading that Margie had found her a match and was wondering if she could come in the next day at 10am to discuss. 

The emotions coursing through her were like nothing she had ever experienced before. This was it. This was really happening. The last few days had set in stone this new path her life would take, starting with Nik agreeing to be her donor and now a possible surrogate too. Gwen looked around her flat, her quiet, empty home, and she wished there was someone there to hold her and get her through this delicate moment. Not just someone, if she was honest with herself she was wishing it was Nik. She had other friends, she had her mom too, but when she wanted a shoulder to cry on, strong arms to hold her and someone to tell her it was all going to be alright she really wanted to hear it from him. 

Gwen’s hand was shaking and her eyes were still filled with tears as she reached out and picked up the phone. She knew she shouldn’t call him. She knew she had to be strong and do this on her own, just like she planned - but, it will get easier, Gwen told herself. Next time it will be easier and I won’t call him. But this time - I need to talk to him. She dialed Nik’s number - she just couldn’t help herself.


	6. Chapter 6

Nik answered right away. “Hey, so you’re home safe?” 

“Yep,” she replied with a sniffle. 

“Are you crying? Gwen? What’s wrong?” his concern was immediate and deep. 

“I shouldn’t have called,” she sighed, already feeling like a weakling. 

“Of course you should have,” Nik replied calmly. “Now take a couple of deep breaths and tell me what’s going on.” 

Gwen did as he instructed, inhaling deeply and then letting it out slowly. She repeated the same process three times until she finally felt like she could talk without a warble in her voice. “It’s nothing bad,” she started. “I don’t even know why I’m reacting this way. I’m really sorry,” she added, not knowing why she was apologizing either. 

“Don’t be sorry,” he replied. “You don’t need to apologize for your feelings or for calling me or for wanting support. There’s nothing wrong with any of that. Gwen,” he said softly. “Just talk to me, okay?” 

“Yeah, okay,” she said, nodding as she spoke. “I have to go to Brilliant Beginnings tomorrow - that’s the agency that helps match women with surrogates. They want to meet to discuss a potential match.” Tears welled up in her eyes again as she spoke the words out loud. “This is really happening Nik. I think I’m in shock maybe? I don’t know. It’s good news, but I can’t seem to keep myself from crying. I, uh, well, I feel a bit lonely,” she admitted. 

“I can come there,” he offered. “I can bring this massive pile of scripts and my laptop and do everything I’m doing right here at your place instead.” 

“No,” Gwen said adamantly. “No,” she repeated again, much softer. “I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I think this is just a feeling I need to work through. I don’t think it’s going to go away unless I deal with it.” 

“I get that,” he replied. “For a while after Nukaka left I couldn’t get used to being alone. I thought I would enjoy all the free time to myself. I could do whatever I wanted, no one was around to bug me - but I ended up feeling lonely instead. I travelled and spent time with friends and probably annoyed my girls tremendously. Like you said though, I eventually realized that I had to deal with it - and I’m okay now. I enjoy my time with people and I enjoy my independance too.” 

“You never told me that before,” Gwen said softly. They talked about almost everything and he’d never told her he was dealing with feeling lonely. She would have made more of an effort to see him or invite him to visit. 

“I was a bit embarrassed about it and I also knew that you would have wanted to help, but I really just needed to work through it alone.” He finished with a chuckle. “We’re so much alike sometimes it’s scary.” Nik paused for a minute. “Do you want to talk about it a bit?” 

“Sure,” Gwen agreed. She knew it wouldn’t hurt to have another perspective to offer suggestions. 

“What is making you feel lonely?” he asked. “Are you have second thoughts about doing this on your own?” 

“Not second thoughts, no,” she replied. “I am absolutely sure I want to do this or I wouldn’t have gone this far. I couldn’t bring a baby into the world if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure about it. But I think it’s more, hmm,” she paused, trying to figure out how to explain it. “I guess it’s when I get in my head and think about how it could be different. If I have found the right person that I wanted to be a parent with when I was younger. Maybe I would already have a family and we would have done it the natural way. Or even now, if I had the right person in my life I could be doing this with him, instead of all alo-” 

“Stop thinking like that,” Nik interrupted her. “We can’t change the past, we can only shape the future. This is the way it’s going to be. You are strong, fierce and persistent. You can do this alone and you will because this is the choice you made and it’s what you want. Focus on the fact that you’re going to be a mum. Everything is coming together and soon you’ll be holding your baby. Your baby. Yours and yours alone.” Gwen found herself nodding along with his advice. “I know it’s not the same thing because my girls are adults now, but I have to share their time with their mother, which means I don’t get to see them nearly as much as I would like to. If that had happened when they were little it would have broken my heart. You’ll never have to deal with that at least.” 

It was a strange consolation, but it actually did make sense. If she was with someone and they broke up she would have to worry about joint custody and all that mess. It wasn’t a good reason to choose to have a baby alone, but it was tick on the pro side of the debate at least. “I hate giving you so much credit all the time. It seems like I’m doing it a lot lately,” Gwen scoffed. “But you’re actually pretty good with this advice thing.” 

“It’s because I care about you so much,” he chuckled. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t bother trying so hard.” Gwen felt her heart swell when he said he cared about her. This emotional response she was having towards him, this feeling of attachment, was beyond what she had ever felt towards him before. No matter how good he’d gotten at giving advice though, she wasn’t going to admit any of that to him. Just something else I have to work through, she told herself. 

“I guess for now I just need to figure out a way to relax. I’m wound up tight,” she said with a sigh as she moved her body a bit, trying to shake it off. “What helps you relax?” she asked him. 

Nik started laughed. “What does any man do to relax?” 

“Oh God,” she groaned. “I should have known better than to ask that.” The thought of him jerking off was not something she needed invading her already confused mind. 

“Maybe you should give it a try,” he said nonchalantly. 

“Is that really your best advice? Just masturbate my stress away?” Gwen drawled. “Maybe I take back what I said earlier.”

“Hold on now,” he protested. “To be fair, I’m sure there are studies out there that support the theory that masturbation is a great stress reliever. Besides,” he added. “When you’re rubbing your vibrator all over your clit, do you really think you’re going to have anything on your mind other than how much you want to come?” 

“Okay, I’ll bite,” Gwen replied. “So let’s say I do that and I have a big, delicious orgasm - how will that stop my mind from picking up where it left off once it’s over.” 

“Well, you fall asleep right after obviously,” he said, sounding like she was an idiot for not knowing that. 

“That’s a man thing. It doesn’t work that way for most women,” she informed him. “Once the pleasure it over our brains just fire up again immediately and we’re right back to square one.” 

“Hmm,” he muttered. “Well, at least you got off I guess.” 

“Yep, your reign as the King of Good Advice is officially over,” she said, laughing. Well at least he’s making me laugh now, Gwen thought. 

“Okay, new plan - before you pull out the vibrator you’re going to take a shot of Nyquil or some benadryl, ZzzQuil or melatonin, or a valium if you have them. Masturbate. Sleep. Easy peasy,” he suggested. “That will get you through tonight anyway - and I’ll research a new plan for next time.” Gwen had to admit that it was sweet he was offering to research a stress relief plan for her. 

“I could just take the drugs,” she said. 

“You could, but what fun would that be?” he teased. 

Gwen laughed again. It felt really good after all the tears. “Thank you,” she said genuinely. “Listen, I’m going to call the fertility clinic and let them know I have a donor, then set up the next steps. Do you have anything coming up so I know what dates to work around?” 

“Nope, nothing for the next few weeks,” he replied. “I’m all yours. Just let me know when and where.” How is he such a ridiculously amazing man? And such a great friend? Gwen wondered. She really had hit the jackpot with Nik. “Oh and can you also recommend a couple hotels near you?” he requested. “In the past I’ve usually stayed near the airport, but I would rather be closer to you.” 

“Don’t be silly - you can stay at my place,” she replied, without even thinking. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, sounding hesitant. 

“You always stay here when you visit me. Of course you’re welcome.” Even as she was saying the words she knew it was a terrible idea. The last time Nik was at her place flashed in her mind. Moaning. Skin on skin. His mouth all over her body. Bodies writhing. Heat. Sweat. Heavy breathing. It was some of the greatest sex of her entire life. 

“Okay, sounds good,” Nik agreed. “So yeah, let me know when I need to be there and promise you’ll call anytime you need to talk, alright?” 

“I promise,” she replied. After they hung up Gwen flung herself backwards onto the couch with a groan. “What have I done?” she moaned out loud. More images flashed through her mind - Nik fucking her up against the wall in her shower. His touch slipping all over her soapy body. Steam. Hands on the glass. The echoes of her screams. 

Gwen got up and stomped to her bathroom medicine cabinet. She grabbed the bottle of melatonin and took one. Then she stripped off her clothes, climbed into bed, reached for her nightstand drawer - and she took all of Nik’s advice.


	7. Chapter 7

Margie greeted her warmly with a hug when Gwen entered her office the next morning. “I am so excited to tell you about this possible match,” she gushed. “Have a seat.” Gwen sat down feeling more nervous than excited for the time being. The anxiety of making this huge decision was still wearing on her, amplified by the fact that she felt almost stunned and in shock that things were progressing so smoothly. 

“Okay, so, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. We just heard from one of the most amazing surrogates we have had over the years.” Gwen felt a tingle of hope and a sense of relief as Margie explained a bit more. “She has been a surrogate for 5 families and has 2 of her own now. She’s back after a 5 year break. Most surrogates take some time off in between of course, but she also had a little boy of her own who just turned 2.” 

“Won’t that be a problem?” Gwen asked. She hadn’t really thought about the fact that these women offering to help would have families of their own. “I mean, if she has a young family and then has all these appointments and thing -” 

Margie was already shaking her head. “I assure you it’s nothing to worry about. This woman is very stable financially and her partner and extended family are very supportive of her altruism. Her mum and her sister in law were both surrogates as well - they all understand.” 

It made Gwen want to cry that there were such amazing people in this world that would make personal sacrifices for the benefit of complete strangers. But then again, everything made her want to cry lately. She somehow managed to hold back the tears this time. 

“So, this surrogate has been very successful in the past and she’s even delivered two sets of twins - all perfectly healthy,” Margie continued. Gwen knew that twins and even triplets or more were common with IVF as they often implanted multiple embryos. “What I’m going to do now is give you some time alone to look over her file.” She set a thick file folder in front of Gwen. “Her name is Liz, but that’s all I’m allowed to tell you about her personally until you make the decision and sign an NDA along with all the other paperwork. This file though,” she tapped the top of it. “Will give you all the details of her past surrogacies. There are ultrasounds, medical reports, lab results, doctor’s notes, as well as testimonials and satisfaction surveys from all the other families she’s worked with. We don’t censor anything - I assure you of that. If you don’t find anything negative in this folder it’s because there’s nothing to find. Gwen,” she reached over and took her hand. “Ultimately this is up to you and whether or not the match feels right - but this woman is incredible. Most of our surrogates are of course, but in all aspects - from personality to medical history to success rate - she’s the best.” 

Gwen nodded slowly and wondered how she had gotten so lucky. She hoped it wasn’t her celebrity status influencing things because she truly didn’t want to take this opportunity away from another deserving woman, but it wasn’t something she had control over - so she knew if this was the surrogate she picked, she just had to take the blessing and be thankful. “I’ll pop in and check on you in half an hour, but if you need more time that can certainly be arranged.” 

Gwen thanked her and sat there staring at the file until she heard the door close behind her. She slowly reached out with a shaking hand and flipped open the cover. She picked up the first package of stapled pages and began to read. What became clear instantly was the amount of love and respect this woman had for the families she was helping. It wasn’t only seen in the testimonials, but also through the medical information which made it clear she took great care of herself and the growing life inside her. 

Twenty five minutes later when she finished the final page and closed the file Gwen was feeling confident and certain that this woman came back at the right time for a reason. The file was impeccable and made her feel warm and comfortable. “This is the one,” Gwen whispered, laying her hand on top of the file. 

She pulled out her phone and opened her text messages. Without even thinking about the implications she sent a text to Nikolaj - _We have a winner!_ She was about to put her phone away because sometimes it took him a while to reply, but she noticed he was already responding. _The surrogate? Really? Congrats :-) Call me later and tell me everything. - N ___

__No matter how many times she told that man he doesn’t have to initial his text messages - it would never change. She had also tried to introduce him to emojis but that was never happening anyway. He would always be an old school texter, but it was growing on her and becoming more endearing than annoying. _Will do._ She replied, followed by a string of happy emojis. _ _

__Gwen put her phone back in her purse and that’s when it hit her that she really needed to stop leaning so hard on Nik. You did promise him you would though, a voice in her mind reminded her. It was in the terms of their agreement that she wouldn’t shut him out. But you don’t need to tell him absolutely everything, the other side of her conscience warned. As much as she tried to fight it he was on her mind every step of the way and she didn’t see that changing. I’ll work on it, Gwen told herself. It was almost amusing that her own inner voice was becoming her personal enabler._ _

__Margie returned and interrupted her thoughts. “Well? How are you feeling? Do you need some more time?”_ _

__Gwen shook her head. “I can’t imagine it even being possible to find someone better than this woman,” she admitted. “I’m ready to proceed,” she added, allowing the excitement to show through - finally._ _

__Margie squealed. “You won’t great this. She is something else. I can’t wait for you to finally meet her.”_ _

__“What’s next? When can I meet her?” she asked._ _

__“I’ll need a couple of days to get all the paperwork in order and I’ll send it to you to review with your lawyer,” Margie explained. “If everything looks good you can sign the paperwork and once it’s back to me I will do the same process with Liz and after that I’ll arrange a face to face meeting - if that’s what you want,” she added. “You don’t have to meet her if you don’t want to. There are some that prefer distance and privacy, while others develop a close relationship with their surrogate. It’s completely up to you.”_ _

__“I want to meet her,” Gwen said eagerly. She couldn’t imagine having someone else carry her child and not being a part of each other’s lives - at least for the duration of the pregnancy._ _

__“I figured you would,” Margie replied with a smile. “I think the two of you will hit it off for sure.” She picked up the file and put it away in a drawer. Gwen had a weird emotional reaction to the file being put away. It was like that gesture said it was now official and that file was for no one else but her. “Okay, so I have your lawyer’s information already - once the paperwork is ready I’ll notify you and courrier a copy to both of you. Then you just let me know when that’s ready and we will go from there.”_ _

__“So that’s it for now,” Gwen stated, slowly standing up. She didn’t want the emotional tidal wave to hit her while she was still there so she said goodbye quick and left Margie’s office._ _

__On the way out of the clinic Gwen stopped off at the loo. When she pulled down her pants she grumbled in frustration and dug a tampon out of her purse. She had started hormone therapy three months earlier to try to help relieve some of her menopause symptoms. It had been extremely effective with the hot flashes and dryness but adding those hormones back into her system had caused her to have light periods the past two months. Her doctor said it was common and it may continue until they start weaning her off the hormones in the future. Ah the life of a middle aged woman, she thought with amusement. She was in too good of a mood to let this get her down._ _

__Gwen was actually surprised that she was holding it together, but for the time being the elation and joy was her primary emotion. On the way home she rewarded herself with a delicious ice cream cone and decided she would enjoy a glass or two of wine once she got home. She still had to call the fertility clinic and get things set up with them. Thankfully she didn’t have any projects in the works because the number of appointments she was facing in the future were numerous._ _

__Not five minutes after Gwen arrived home the doorbell rang and a man handed her a bouquet of flowers. Stunned, she wandered back inside and opened them up. It was a gorgeous bouquet of red and white roses. She reached for the card and gasped when she read it. _Cheers to following your dreams. Congrats - N._ _ _

__Gwen swooned. She couldn’t help it. This gesture from Nik was the sweetest and most thoughtful thing he’d ever done for her - other than giving her the most precious gift in the world - of course. As she tottled around the kitchen putting the flowers in a vase and arranging them into the work of art they deserved, Gwen’s mind drifted to Nikolaj and how truly amazing he’d been so far during this journey in her life. She could only reason that his kindness and support would continue through the entire process and it left her wondering why she felt the need to resist and keep him at arm’s length. He deserved her open arms and acceptance because he was giving her everything she needed._ _

__As soon as the opposing voices began in her mind Gwen pushed them all away. In that moment she made the decision to accept what Nik was offering and not feel guilty about it. She took a quick photo of the flowers and posted them to her instastory. She didn’t comment or tag anyone, just added a couple of hearts and that was all._ _

__She wanted to call him right away and thank him, but she decided she needed to call the clinic first so she could give him the details. The sooner they could get started the better - and the sooner Nik would be there with her - under the same roof. As she started to dial the clinic Gwen’s face broke out into a huge smile and this time she didn’t feel the least bit guilty about being excited to have her best friend staying at her place - hopefully very soon._ _


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought you guys might like a chapter from Nik’s POV.

The flight from Copenhagen to London was just short of two hours, so Nikolaj figured he could get through a few of the screenplays he’d packed in his carry on before they landed. The one he was currently reading was called August 14th - a sexual thriller about a country where one day a year all adults are basically given a hall pass and can engage in sexual activity with anyone they choose. The concept was a bit ridiculous, but the writing was so good that it kept him interested. That was until one of the main characters started considering sleeping with his sister. Not going there again, Nik thought, sighing out loud as he shoved the screenplay to the bottom of the pile. 

He really was getting through the reading a lot quicker now that he wasn’t looking for the perfect role for Gwendoline. Nik really wanted to work with her again and he was hoping he might come across a great movie or TV series idea that would put them in leading roles together. He knew it had to be something really special to intrigue Gwen and so far nothing had jumped out at him. With the recent changes and new plans in her life Nik knew she wouldn’t be looking for a new role for some time so he’d quit trying so hard. If something perfect did come along though, he would still show it to her for when she was ready to work again. 

Nik tried to read the next piece of work in the pile, but he couldn’t focus. Gwen had called him a week earlier and let him know they had their first session with the therapist, which was the next day, and he was feeling anxious about it. Anxiety wasn’t something that had ever plagued him much in his life. There was very little he worried about, so the fact that this therapy session was getting to him was concerning. It didn’t help matters that he really wasn’t a fan of psychologists or psychiatrists or whatever degree this person held that they would be talking to. He was well aware that therapy was amazing and helpful for some people - but Nik was convinced he wasn’t one of them. Therapy for him was hitting the slopes or going for a long hike to clear his head. Talking to a stranger about his deepest feeling was ridiculous in his opinion. 

He put the pile of papers away and leaned back in his seat. He adjusted the headphones he was wearing. He wasn’t actually listening to anything, just trying to avoid anyone wanting to chat. The therapy sessions were going to be awkward, he was sure of it, but he would put on a smile and get through it - because he would do almost anything for her. 

When she asked him to be her sperm donor he knew he would say yes right away because he always did. Yes, of course this was much bigger than getting her a meeting with a director friend or letting her borrow his car, but he couldn’t say no to Gwen - ever. She wanted to fool around so of course he was up for it - she wanted to stop fooling around, he would give her that too. It was always about her and what she wanted and Nik was perfectly fine with that. He knew she would do anything for him too - although he might hear about it for years to come if it was a big favor. 

After Gwen left and went back to London he spent some time considering if he had actually made the right choice. He wouldn’t change his mind, so it was a pointless exercise, but in the end he decided that he was confident with the decision. Gwen would always be a part of his life and he could tell this was something she really, desperately wanted. He had the ability to give her something truly special - how could he deny her that? 

He wondered if it might be hard to be around the child in the future, but he would cross that bridge when they got there. The one concern he did have was the use of a surrogate after Gwen had explained to him all the legalities. He trusted she would pick the right person, but he couldn’t get rid of the nagging worry that the person might not sign over the rights to the baby once it was born. Gwen wasn’t just an average person - she was a recognized celebrity. Whoever this surrogate was, she would have a celebrity’s biological child. What if she tried to extort money from Gwen or something like that? 

Nik shook it off and switched his mind over to the benefits of having a surrogate. It made it a little less personal for him. It wouldn’t feel quite as much like Gwen carrying his child because that embryo would be in another woman. It made it more like the business arrangement it was than - well - than something he shouldn’t be thinking about anyway. 

He really hadn’t considered what the future would look like though. How would he explain this to his girls and his family? Would any of them understand? Was it something he should even tell them? He knew Gwen planned to be open and honest with her child when he or she was old enough to understand. What would that look like? It would likely depend on what sort of relationship he developed with the child over the years, Nik decided. But again, what would that look like? All the questions made his head hurt so once again he just pushed them aside. It really wasn’t in his nature to linger on things, but this was a much different situation than he’d ever been a part of. Nik was trying to cut himself some slack, but he was truly starting to find his own behavioral changes frustrating. 

Maybe music wasn’t such a bad idea. He clicked on Spotify and hit shuffle on his playlist, then got lost in some of his favorite tunes for the remainder of the flight. By the time they landed it was already dark outside, but he was really looking forward to spending a few hours catching up with Gwen before they called it a night. 

He was supposed to text her when he landed, but as soon as his phone was off airplane mode and got a signal he saw he had a missed call and voicemail from Gwen. As he gathered up his carry on luggage and exited the plane he started listening to her message. Just hearing her voice made him smile, but that was short lived once he realized what the message was about. 

_Hey, it’s just me. I’m at my mum’s. She had a little fall this afternoon - don’t worry, she’s okay - but she did bump her head and the doctor thought it would be best if someone spent the night and walked with her to the bathroom, and helped her up the steps - those kinds of things, to make sure she didn’t get dizzy or anything. I’m so sorry, but I have to spend the night here with her. Let me know when you land and I’ll text you the code to get in and the alarm code. I will meet you at the therapy session tomorrow just before 9. I really am sorry - I wanted to be there to pick you up and help get you settled at my place. I’ll make it up to you - promise. Cheers._

She ended the message with a kissing sound and Nik found himself smiling again. He hoped her mother would be okay and that it was just precautionary. He completely understood, but he couldn’t help the sadness and disappointment that he wouldn’t be seeing her that night. Gwen was a beacon of light in a dark world. He sometimes didn’t even know he was in a bad mood until he was around her and she lifted that weight off of him. She was good for his soul and brought that sparkle that everyone should have in their life. 

One more night won’t kill you, he told himself as he headed for the car rental area. Half an hour later he climbed into a dark blue Toyota Prius and drove to Gwen’s flat. Not only did he miss her not being there to pick him up at the airport - it got worse when he went inside and could see her and smell her everywhere, but she just wasn’t there. “You’re being ridiculous,” he said out loud to himself. “She’s looking after her mor and you’ll see her tomorrow.” 

Nik showed himself to the guest room and got settled, then went to raid her fridge for something to eat. She mentioned something in her text about leftover Thai so he found that and finished it off. It was weird being in someone else’s home without them around, even though he’d been there many times. The last time he was there - well - it was a memorable visit for sure. It was quite possibly the best fuck he’d ever had. “And now that’s never happening again,” he muttered sadly, before pulling himself together and becoming the mature adult he was supposed to be. “Which is probably for the best because we’re friends and then there’s this new situation - “ his voice trailed off. “And since when have I started talking to myself this much?” he asked, chuckling. 

He would have blamed it on the quiet house, but he was alone a lot in his own home and didn’t wander around talking out loud like a lunatic. “I must be tired,” Nik concluded - and that was the last he spoke to himself that night. 

The next morning it started again and after talking himself through putting toothpaste on the toothbrush he growled in frustration. “What the hell is wrong with me?” He decided it was more of that anxiety about the stupid therapy session. I just need to get it over with, he thought, pleased that he managed to keep that in his head at least. 

After a shower and a quick breakfast he was on his way to the address Gwen sent him. It was a private building separate from the clinic with a discrete rear entrance. She had also explained earlier that the clinic had a private entrance they could go through so there would be no chance of photographers catching them. He actually hadn’t even thought about it until she brought it up, but the last thing either of them needed was a photo splashed all over social media of one or both of them going into a fertility clinic. 

She was already waiting when he walked in and like a breath of fresh air she made his mood lift instantly. “A Prius? Really?” she scoffed. 

“What? It’s very eco friendly,” he replied, instantly smiling. He asked about her mother and Gwen let him know everything was fine. 

“Hey, I know this isn’t your thing - but promise me you aren’t going to go all diva,” Gwen said, giving him a look. 

“Me?” Nik gasped. “When do I ever act like a diva?” The judging eyes were still working him over. “It will be fine. I promise,” he assured her. 

They really didn’t have long to chat at all before they were escorted to an office and introduced to Dr. Schaefer. “Please, have a seat. I’m happy to meet you and thanks for coming,” the female psychologist said. It was psychologist - Nik checked. “You both know why you’re here so why don’t we just get started with a little backgound. Tell me about how you met and what your current relationship is.” 

The woman seemed nice enough, but Nik really just wanted to get it over with so he jumped right in. “We met over a decade ago at work. Hit it off right away. Stayed in touch after that job ended and now she’s one of my best friends,” he said. Simple and to the point. 

“One of?” Gwen repeated, giving him that look again. 

Nik rolled his eyes. “Okay fine, she’s my bestie - my BFF. I would do anything for her,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and batting his eyelashes at her. 

“That’s better,” Gwen replied, smirking at him. It was the truth. He had some really close guy friends, but she truly was his closest friend out of anyone in his life. 

“Let’s go back to that - I would do anything for her,” Dr. Schaefer said, leaning forward a bit as she repeated Nik’s words. “Tell me about that. Is that what this is all about?” 

“Excuse me?” Nik snapped, feeling extremely defensive. 

“You just said you would do anything for her - does that include being her sperm donor?” she asked. “Are you just doing this for her?” 

“Yes,” Nik spat. “No,” he quickly corrected himself. “Look, I have no idea what you want me to say here,” he finished in frustration. 

“You don’t need to get upset,” she said calmly. 

“I’m not upset,” Nik snapped. He felt Gwen’s hand on his knee and he looked over at her. She was freaking out and it was all his fault. What the hell is wrong with me? He wondered for the second time that day. 

“I’m just trying to ascertain if you feel like you don’t have a choice in the matter because you’ll do anything she wants - whether it’s best for you or not,” the doctor said. “It’s my job to make sure you are both making the right decision here.” 

“My decision is already made. Nothing we say or do here is going to change that,” he growled. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get his voice to sound calm or polite. “Fuck,” he hissed. “I need a break.” 

He jumped to his feet, knocking Gwen’s hand off in the process and stormed out of the room. “But we just started,” he heard in his wake. And in his mind he heard Gwen saying one more time - _promise me you aren’t going to go all diva._ Guess I broke that promise, he thought as he heard the door close behind him and took his first breath of cold, damp, London air.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay back to this one and the other two I have started. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> I also had a request for a smut-shot, so look for that soon. Think Nik in a tub full of bubbles wearing his reading glasses... 😂😂

“I had one request - don’t be a diva,” he heard from behind him. “And here we are,” Gwen sighed. 

Nik turned. “I’m so sorry,” he said, reaching for her hand. “I’m going to get my shit together and we’ll go back in there. This won’t happen again - I promise.” 

“Hey,” she said softly. “It’s okay. This is a huge deal and I’m not expecting you to get through it without getting emotional - I just didn’t think it would be quite so soon,” she added with a smile. 

“I’m fine, I really am,” he insisted. “It’s not our stuff that’s the issue - it’s the whole therapy thing itself. I’m not good at it. I don’t know what she wants me to say.” 

“Therapy is about being open and honest,” she explained. Her thumb was stroking the back of his hand and it was very comforting. “Don’t worry about what you think she wants to hear and just tell her the truth. Let it out. And let her do her job without getting mad.” 

Nik nodded his head and took a long deep breath. “Okay. Let’s get back in there. I probably owe her an apology, huh?” 

“I’m sure she’s dealt with much worse, but yeah, you should say sorry and for fuck sake - no more diva outbursts, okay?” Gwen tugged his hand and then bumped his shoulder and smiled at him. 

“You will be so impressed with me when this is over,” he promised. “I’ll be perfect. Charming and delightful.” 

“Uh huh,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. 

They headed back inside and he made his apologies to Dr. Schaefer and they picked things up again. “So I was trying to understand if you feel like this is a choice or not,” she said, looking at Nikolaj. 

He nodded. “It’s absolutely a choice. When Gwen came to me and asked she made it very clear that it was up to me and she would understand if I didn’t feel comfortable,” he explained. “I even added some parameters of my own.” 

“Could you tell me more about that?” the doctor asked. 

“Yeah, of course. My biggest concern about this whole thing was that if I was the donor Gwen might not allow me to support her in the way I want to - as a long time, close friend.” Nik thought for a moment, trying to choose his words properly. “I was worried that she might try to keep me at a distance because she might feel that’s what’s best for both of us. But I want to be there for her. She doesn’t need to go through this alone - she has me.” 

He saw Dr. Schaefer raise her eyebrows and he knew exactly what was coming. “Let’s dig a little deeper into your relationship,” she said in a leading tone. “You’re currently just friends? That’s all? Has it even been more than that? Do you have a physical - sexual - relationship?” 

Gwen jumped in to field the question. “We are very close, I won’t try to deny that. But everyone assumes that men and women can’t be just friends without it turning romantic.” 

“Not everyone assumes that,” Dr. Schaefer interrupted. “There are plenty of people out there who have close, strictly friendship, relationships with members of the opposite sex. It’s no different than two gay men being just friends or two lesbian women - it happens. It’s common. And it’s not a big deal.” She paused and looked from Gwen to him and back again. “But I get the sense that the two of you have crossed the friendship boundaries. Am I wrong?” 

Nik stayed quiet and deferred to Gwen. “Oh fine, we slept together a few times. But that’s all. It was just sex and we decided that it shouldn’t happen again.” Gwen tried to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal but she wasn’t fooling the Doctor and she wasn’t fooling him either. If she actually meant those words Nik would have felt quite wounded, so he was thankful that it was clear she wasn’t being fully honest. 

The therapist let it go for the time being and she continued to ask them questions about their relationship, trying to get a well rounded picture. She also took some time to explain some of the common emotional reactions they might experience during the whole surrogacy process. She talked about things that would be specifically challenging for Gwen such as the bond between her and the surrogate, as well as the worry and concern about the surrogate developing an emotional attachment with the baby because she carried it for 40 weeks. Nik knew that Gwen had done her research and she knew all these things, but he could also tell that she was already concerned about some of them by the way her face changed when the doctor brought them up. 

Next she moved on to things that were more specific to him. “I want to be sure that you properly understand how it’s going to feel with this baby is born and you see he or she has your eyes or your smile. Or when they get a little older and you find they have some of your personality traits or just naturally take on some of your interests,” she said. Nik felt his chest tighten with a tinge of anxiety. Like Gwen, he had done research and he knew these things, but hearing them first hand with the whole process about to start was different than reading about them on the internet. 

“You mentioned that you want to be a part of this process and support your friend, but you need to understand that it won’t be easy. This child is biologically yours. It’s made from your genetic material. You can legally give it away and sign all the papers in the world to sever those ties but you can’t change nature. You need to be certain you can handle that.” Her face was grave and concerned and he felt it far more deeply than he could have expected. 

Nik sucked in a breath before he spoke. “I understand it won’t be easy, but I’m confident that between Gwen and I - we can make it work in a way we’re both comfortable with.” He had to believe that he could manage because he couldn’t imagine this affecting their friendship. He knew Gwen felt the same way and he really believed the words he just spoke - they would get through any obstacles together. 

Dr. Schaefer seemed satisfied with his response and moved on to explain a few more details. Nik made sure to listen closely and respond appropriately. It got easier the longer the session lasted for him to be honest. It really helped to just be open and not worry about what he thought she wanted to hear. 

When Nik glanced at the clock a little while later he was surprised to see the hour was almost up. The Doctor noticed as well. “It seems our time is nearing an end for today, but I have a little bit of homework for each of you.” She turned to Gwen first. “Gwendoline - what I’m about to ask you is very sensitive and very personal, but I don’t want you to answer right now - I want you to think about my question and when we meet again tomorrow you can answer then, okay?” Nik studied Gwen’s face. She looked nervous and uncertain but she nodded. “Okay, my question is this - do you think that part of the reason you asked Nikolaj to be your donor is because perhaps deep down you want him to be the father of your child - not just biologically, but in every way?” 

“What?” Gwen gasped. “No - of course not,” she shook her head, reeling from the question. She looked over at him with horror in her eyes as she continued to shake her head, silently begging him to believe her. Nik was a bit offended at first that she was so adamantly saying no, but then he wondered if it was perhaps a bit of over compensation. 

“Think about it tonight and we’ll come back to it tomorrow,” the therapist said patiently. She turned to look at him. “I’m going to give you some similar homework,” she said. “I want you to really think about what you being the donor might mean for your relationship with Gwendoline - specifically - are you saying yes for her, or for yourself? Could there be a part of you that simply wants to have a baby with Gwen in hopes you might parent that child together?” 

It felt like someone just punched him in the gut. His knee jerk instinct was to react exactly the same way Gwen had and deny, deny, deny, right away. He remained quiet though because her words sparked something inside him that made him realize he really did need to think this through. 

There was something on his mind that he needed to clarify. “Will our answers to these questions prevent this thing from moving forward?” he asked. 

Dr. Schaefer shook her head. “I don’t have the authority to stop either one of you from going through with the surrogacy. Only the two of you can make that decision. I can make recommendations, but ultimately it’s your decision.” 

Nik nodded, satisfied with the response. They wrapped things up, made an appointment for the next day and then said goodbye. “Well that was intense,” Gwen muttered once they were out of her office. “You have to believe me that I have no ulterior motive,” she said, stopping him in the hallway. “I wouldn’t do that to you - I swear.” 

He smiled at her. “It’s okay. I know you wouldn’t and you know it’s the same for me. All I want is for you to be happy. If I can help make that happen then I want to do it.” One word popped into his mind - DENIAL - but he shoved it away and clung to the words he just said. 

“Let’s go home and forget about all of this for the time being,” Gwen sighed. “Things are going to get more and more crazy from her on out so let’s just enjoy today. I’m so happy you’re here,” she added, beaming at him. 

It felt so much more natural being at her place when they got home and she was there with him. It didn’t take long at all for them to fall into their easy comfortable routine. They chatted and he told her about some of the awful screenplays he’d read, they made supper together later in the afternoon and then watched a movie with a couple glasses of wine afterwards. It was always so perfect being with Gwen. It felt like he was right where he was supposed to be when they were together. 

It was getting late when she finally stood up and announced it was bed time. “I guess we should sleep now, huh?” 

Nik stood up as well and agreed. “Yeah, we should.” They started to walk towards the hallway where their bedrooms were. He felt like something was holding him back. There was a heavy feeling in the air and his heart started to beat a little faster. She was walking slowly too and he glanced down at her ass. The stirring in his groin was immediate and intense. Suddenly he had flashbacks of the last time he’d been there. Her mouth on his, his hands all over her body, the feeling of his dick inside her, moving in and out - and those moans and strangled cries. 

When he came back to the present he saw Gwen was glancing back at him over her shoulder and all of a sudden he came undone. He took two quick steps and slipped an arm around her, then spun her and shoved her back against the wall, pinning her with his hips. She gasped and looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. Nik almost laughed. She was anything but innocent, yet in this moment he was the devil. 

He couldn’t stop himself from seeking out her lips and when Gwen didn’t try to stop him he kissed her passionately. The feel of her curves pressed against him and her soft, warm mouth on his made his body tingle happily. He opened his mouth and found her tongue right there to meet his. She tasted amazing and he couldn’t get enough of her. He kissed her deeply and pressed her into the wall, dominating her. Gwen kissed him back just as eagerly though - for quite some time. 

It wasn’t until he tried to grope her ass that the spell was broken. She stopped his advances and broke the kiss. “We can’t,” Gwen whispered with a sad little gasp. Her eyes were filled with the same twisted angst he was feeling in his heart. “We can’t.” She said a little louder as she wiggled out from behind him. 

“I know,” he sighed, tapping his fist lightly against the wall. “You’re right.” Nik leaned forward and put his forehead against the cool drywall. “Night Gwen,” he said softly, unable to look at her. He heard her whisper a response and he stayed in the same position until he knew she was gone. 

Nik walked to his room and flopped on the bed. He had been so turned on he could have fucked her right there in the hallway, but in a matter of seconds it was over. He knew they couldn’t go there again because it would just lead to one more time and one more time - but still - he desperately wanted that one more time - just once more. 

He got up and stripped down to his underwear, then climbed into bed. Sleep was long off so he started playing on his phone. About an hour later there was a knock on the door. It was light and hesitant. If he’d been asleep he probably wouldn’t have even heard it. 

Nik jumped up and went to answer it. When he opened the door Gwen was standing there in silk pajamas - a camisole and shorts. “I couldn’t sleep,” she said, looking at him with her soft blue eyes. “Can I come in?”


	10. Chapter 10

Gwen walked over to the bed and sat down with her legs tucked under her. Nik followed behind and then sat on the edge and looked over at her, waiting for her to speak. She studied him for a while and then let out a loud, frustrated sigh. “What are we doing?” she grumbled. “We’re adults. We’re single. We can make our own decisions. It doesn’t matter what some shrink thinks about our relationship, right?” 

He could already tell where she was going with this train of thought and while part of him wanted to jump on board, he knew he was going to have to be the level headed one this time. “All of that is accurate, yes,” he agreed. 

“So then what does it matter? It’s just sex, right? Why are we putting ourselves through this?” she asked. As sure and straightforward as her voice sounded, the look in her eyes didn’t match.

“If it’s just sex and we’re adults - we should be able to put it aside and not give in to our urges every time they strike, because you and I both know that it’s the right thing to do,” he said softly. Gwen closed her eyes and sighed again, but this time it didn’t sound frustrated - it sounded like a sigh of relief. He had just said exactly what she needed to hear and even though it made his heart ache a bit, it also felt good to be able to give her that relief. At the end of the day the only thing that mattered to him was that she was happy and that he was a part of her life - in whatever form that took. 

Gwen slid over and hugged him. “Thank you,” she whispered. Nik held her and hugged her back, trying to ignore the fact that her skimpy, silky pajamas were rubbing all over his chest. If this was going to work he was going to have to somehow figure out how to keep everything from feeling so sexual. He just wasn’t sure exactly how that was possible. “If it makes you feel any better, we probably couldn’t have done anything anyway,” she said, when she pulled back. “These hormone drugs I’m taking are causing some intermittent bleeding now and again. It’s fucking annoying. The one good thing about menopause is no more period, but the meds to help the horrible symptoms are making it come back. It’s like I can’t win.” 

“Is that normal? Are you sure everything is okay?” he asked, feeling concerned. He wasn’t at all weirded out by the girl talk. He had lived in a house with three women for almost two decades and it wasn’t the first time him and Gwen had discussing things like that anyway. 

“Oh yeah, it’s fine. Perfectly normal. The doctor said it should occur less often as time passes and hopefully I won’t have to be on the drugs for too long anyway,” she explained. Nik nodded in understanding. 

“Hey, since we’re not sleeping do you want to watch another movie?” he asked. 

Gwen shrugged. “Sure, why not?” She bounced over to the other side of the bed and crawled in. So they went from potential sex, or at least he’d thought, to laying together in bed like a couple of buddies watching a movie. What a weird night. 

When he looked over halfway through the movie and realized Gwen had fallen asleep he had another dilemma to deal with. Was he supposed to just stay there and share the bed with her? Or move to the couch? Sleep on the floor? What was the right thing to do? 

He turned off the movie and carefully got out of bed to use the loo. Afterwards he decided to have a hot shower while he contemplated and tried to make himself feel sleepy. They really did have a full week ahead of them and he knew he needed to rest, but he was just feeling way too wired. Once he got in the hot shower he decided to try another relaxation technique and started to gently stroke his cock. With all the build up earlier and the sexual frustration, along with some mental images of Gwen in those skimpy PJs, it didn’t take long at all. 

By the time he dried off and went back to the room he still wasn’t sure what to do. He decided to err on the side of caution and grabbed his pillows and the spare blanket at the foot of the bed, then got comfortable on the floor. Sleep came much quicker than he’d expected and he woke the next morning to a toe poking his leg. “What are you on the floor?” Gwen asked, looking down at him. “Was I hogging the blankets?” 

Nik rolled onto his back, stretched and groaned. “No, I just thought, you know, that maybe I shouldn’t - “ he muttered. “You fell asleep and I didn’t want to wake you so I just laid down here.” 

She gave him a look and he realized he’d made the wrong decision. “Don’t be like that,” she said. “We decided fucking was a bad idea, but sleeping in the same bed because of extenuating circumstances isn’t a big deal.” Nik gave an apologetic shrug. “Just don’t make it weird okay? I need you in my life - the way you’ve always been - not all awkward and uncomfortable.” 

“You also need to brush your teeth,” he replied, grinning up at her. He was hoping a joke would lighten the mood and make up for any awkwardness he might have caused. 

“You can’t even smell my breath from down there, asshole,” she scoffed, before whacking him right in the face with a pillow. “I’m going to shower and brush my teeth,” she drawled. “You can make me breakfast. Eggs Benny with freshly squeezed orange juice, please.” He removed the pillow just in time to see her waltzing out of his room. 

Her requested Eggs Benny and fresh juice turned out to be toast and fried eggs, with juice from a carton, but he actually did have it ready when she finally made it to the kitchen. 

They chatted while they ate. “So we are going to meet with the doctor at the clinic as soon as we are done with Dr. Schaefer. She will let us know all the details and book you in for the sample.” 

“Oh good, I’ve been dying to sit in an exam room and jerk off into a plastic container,” he replied cheerfully. 

Gwen bit her lip to keep from laughing but it didn’t help, she snorted anyway. “At least I’m not asking you to do something you aren’t already an expert at,” she snickered. 

They made some more crude jokes about the donor process and eventually things got a little more serious. “Have you thought about your homework? And what you’re going to say?” He asked her. 

Gwen nodded. “Mostly what I told you. I would never lead you on or try to coerce you into anything with ulterior motives. I left the decision up to you and we discussed your terms and conditions, along with all the legal aspects and such - and we are both fully on board of our own free will.” 

A couple hours later that was precisely what Gwen told the therapist. His own words, when it was his turn, were very similar. He explained that he had been given a choice and he was happy with his decision. He was doing it because Gwen wanted a child and she wanted the donor to be someone she knows and trusts. The end. 

It was the end as far as therapy was concerned. Perhaps there was more to it if he actually allowed himself to dig deep and be honest. It made him feel things to know his DNA was helping to create this child Gwen desperately wanted. But Nik wasn’t ready to explore what those feelings meant then, or perhaps ever. It could be something he just buried until it was forgotten. 

The rest of the session went well and after it was over the doctor wished them both good luck and let them know they could come back to her at any time, individually or together, with any questions or concerns. As much as he didn’t put much stock in therapy, Nik had to admit that Dr. Schaefer was good at her job and if he ever felt the desire to talk it out she would be the one he went to. 

They had time for a quick trip to Starbucks and then it was time to meet another kind of doctor. This one explained all the medical stuff and how the collection process worked and so on. When she was finished she explained that they ask donors to avoid ejaculating for about 3 days before the collection date. “So we have a spot tomorrow?” Nik shook his head and out of the corner of his eye he could see Gwen smirking. “How about the day after?” He shook his head again. “Got ya,” the doctor said with a hint of smile. “Friday it is then. 11am?” 

“Sure,” he replied, avoiding Gwen’s amused stare. “Don’t say a word,” he warned, when they got to the car. 

“About what?” she asked, blinking at him innocently. Nik glared at her. “Okay, I swear - just one question?” she blurted out with a giggle. 

“Oh here we go,” Nik sighed. 

“Was it last night? Or this morning?” Gwen said, giving him that same amused smirk he’d seen in the office. 

“That’s confidential information,” he replied. “Come on Gwen - boundaries,” Nik added with a dramatic sigh. 

She shrugged, “I just want to make sure you washed your hands before you made my breakfast.” 

“Actually, if you must know, I did it while I was making your breakfast. Egg flipper in one hand, my dick in the other,” he lied. “No, no wait - your neighbor came over to borrow some milk and we banged on the kitchen table.” 

She started to cackle loudly. “Oh is that so?” He nodded, even though he knew it wasn’t going well. “My neighbors are all men - with the exception of one - and she’s 82.” 

“And still so flexible,” he replied without missing a beat. He couldn’t hold his straight face for long and soon they were both laughing like fools. This was one of the moments with her that he loved the most. They teased each other for a while and then ended up laughing until they cried. 

When they pulled themselves together and he started driving he finally admitted the truth. “It was last night, in the shower.” 

“Hmm,” Gwen said with a nod. “And do you think you can survive until Friday?” 

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “But perhaps you could find some old, baggy flannel pajamas for a few days?” 

She burst out laughing. “Noted,” she replied. 

“Well, on the bright side,” Nik began. “Looks like I’ll be staying at least until the weekend.” 

Gwen reached over and squeezed his hand. “ I think I can live with that.” Nik looked over and her and smiled. It was going to be an interesting few days, for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this one took a while. I was having a lengthy debate with myself as to whether or not to have the sex happen at this juncture. I weighed on it for a while and I decided that there’s a spot I have planned for it to happen and I don’t want to spoil that by giving in early. 
> 
> Secondly, I was planning a bit of a time jump after this chapter but I wasn’t sure if people would be upset about missing the donation day fun. If you have a preference please let me know. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading 😘😘


	11. Chapter 11

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Gwen had asked as Nik was heading to the clinic on the long awaited donation day.    
  
He had given her a look. “Uh, no. You’ll either sit there wondering what the fuck is taking so long, or you’ll have that same amused smirk you have right now if I’m back out in two minutes flat.” 

He already knew which of the two it would have been as he continued to wander around the little room they had put him in. He had inspected every inch - from the collection of porn magazines on the shelf to the little cot facing a TV screen, which he assumed was hooked up to more porn options. There was also a sink to wash his hands afterwards and a little table with some individually wrapped refreshment options and bottled water. 

Of course they had also given him the little sterile plastic container to collect the donation, which he had tossed on the bed for whenever he managed to get to that point. If ever. He sighed and continued to pace. He honestly didn’t think it would be this difficult. He figured he would come in, jerk off and be out in no time. How hard could it be, right? But there was something weird about being in a room, with people outside who knew exactly what you were doing in there. He just couldn’t seem to get into the mood to do his duty.    
  
He wandered back to the magazines and started to flip through one. Boobs and vag were splayed all over every page, yet he barely felt anything stir downstairs. Nik groaned in frustration and picked up a different magazine and then went over to the little bed. He looked down and couldn’t help but wonder how many other dudes had laid their and spanked their cock to porn? Thankfully the bed had crisp, white sheets so he knew it was clean. 

Okay let’s do this, he thought. He undid his jeans and kicked them off and then immediately wondered if he was supposed to just push them down instead. He groaned again and whispered, “fuck it.” He climbed onto the cot in his boxers and t-shirt and tried to get comfortable. Every time he moved the bed squeaked a bit as the sheet moved against the waterproof cover of the mattress. Nik scowled and quit moving. “Just get it over with,” he muttered out loud.    
  
He took a deep breath and picked up the magazine. The first page he opened to was photos of two women licking each other’s pussies. Lesbian porn. Sure to get a man’s juices flowing, right? Nope. Nothing. He pulled up the waistband and looked in at his penis, laying there sadly. “Come on man, what the fuck?” Oh great, now I’m talking to my dick, he thought. 

He flipped through a few more pages, while fondling himself and still he got barely a reaction from his cock. His heart started to pound. This had never happened to him before. He usually had the opposite problem where he would get hard embarrassingly fast. What if it never works properly again? He wondered, looking down at his package. The anxiety he was feeling wasn’t helping matters, he knew that, but he couldn’t make his mind stop freaking out. 

He jumped out of bed and found the remote for the TV. There was a selection of porn movies to choose from on the screen. He clicked on one of them and tried again. It was a bit more successful and he got half hard, until there was a loud noise outside the room and he lost focus. It was also a reminder once again that there were people out there waiting for him to finish, when he hadn’t even fucking started. 

He scowled again and turned off the television. Nik grabbed his phone and texted Gwen -  _ I can’t do it. It’s not working.  _

She replied back right away -  _ What do you mean? You changed your mind? _

_ No, of course not. My fucking dick is not cooperating,  _ he sent back.    
  
_ Oh _ followed by a laughing emoji was her very helpful reply. He was about to toss his phone aside when he saw she was replying againi.  _ See, you did need me to come with you.  _

Nik rolled his eyes.  _ What could you have done? Snuck in the room and jerked me off?  _

_ That’s one option.  _ When he read her reply he felt more stirring in his pants than he had in a long time. The next text that came through was a photo of Gwen with her finger in her mouth in a suggestive manner. He sucked in a shaky breath as his dick throbbed. Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.  _ Is this helping? Do you want me to keep going?  _

Suddenly Nik felt guilty. They had agreed only a few days earlier that the sexual part of their relationship was over and here they were crossing lines once again.  _ It is, but you don’t have to do this. I’ll figure it out eventually.  _

_ Let me help,  _ she replied.  _ It’s the least I can do.  _

Nik let out a guilty sigh as he replied,  _ okay.  _

_ Promise you’ll delete all this after. _

He smiled and chuckled a bit, but agreed -  _ I promise.  _ The anticipation of waiting for her next text was thrilling. He was squirming with curiosity and impatience. 

_ I’m so horny. I’m going to take off my clothes and we can do this together.  _ Nik swallowed hard. Was she serious? Or just making it up to help him get off? 

He decided to play along and see where it would go.  _ Prove it,  _ he replied boldly.    
  
His heart was beating wildly in his chest and he let out a low groan when the photo popped up. She was laying completely naked in front of her full length mirror, propped up with some pillows, biting her bottom lip.  _ Your turn,  _ she replied. Nik looked around the room and shrugged. He slipped down his boxers and snapped a photo of his dick, which was now fully erect, then sent it to her.  _ Mmm, looks like things are progressing nicely now. My pussy is getting so wet.  _ _   
_ _   
_ All his inhibitions were gone at that point. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe they were crossing lines they shouldn’t be crossing, but it was all in the name of getting the sample - or so he told himself.  _ If you were here right now I would slip my big, hard cock into that wet pussy, nice and slow.  _

_ Oh fuck, I love the way you stretch my tight pussy. Does it feel good? All wet and warm.  _ Nik started to stroke himself, just a bit. At that point he probably could have went fast and furious for a minute or two and be done, but the sexting was so erotic and he didn’t want it to end. 

_ It feels so good. I’m going to fuck you now, hard and fast.  _ After he sent the message he started to stoke himself a little faster. His cock was thick in his hand and he tried to hold back the moan in his throat, worried someone might hear him. 

_ Harder. Faster. Fuck yes, you feel so amazing.  _ Her text was followed by another photo. Nik opened it and looked at her gorgeous face, beautifully twisted with pleasure, her mouth gaping slightly and her eyes closed. It was a look he was familiar with and one he would never forget. It was the way her face looked right before she came. As much as he would have liked to play along a little more he knew he was too far gone.    
  
He stared at her face and kept stroking his shaft until he felt his balls tighten. “Fuck,” he hissed. He tossed the phone aside and grabbed the container, let go of his dick and quickly twisted off the lid, praying he would get it off in time. “Oh God,” he groaned as the first shot of cum flew out just as he got the container into position. He sighed with relief, in more ways than one, as he grabbed his dick again and finished off. 

When he was all done he put the lid on the container right away and then stared at it. He could have swore there would be way more. Shit, what if that’s not enough? He wondered. Do I need to wait around and add more? He knew he was overthinking every part of this whole process, but he wished he had asked ahead of time how much they needed. Not that he could control what actually came out, but at least he would have known if it was satisfactory. 

He heard his phone vibrate and realized that Gwen was still texting him. He didn’t read what she wrote because the guilt was back again. Now that the moment had passed for him he was feeling a bit like a creep for agreeing to it.  _ All done. Thanks. Deleting now.  _ He replied. Nik quickly deleted the tests and then got dressed. He washed his hands, shoved his phone in his pocket and picked up the container, eying it again. He pressed the call button to let them know he was finished and within a few seconds someone knocked on the door.    
  
The clinic was very protective of their client’s privacy. There were the private exits so you didn’t have to walk through a waiting room and Nik was told they booked off lengthy appointment blocks anyway, so the chances of seeing anyone other than staff was very rare. 

Nik opened the door and a female employee came in. She was wearing gloves and he passed over the sample. “Uh, I wasn’t sure if it’s enough,” he muttered, trying to avoid turning red. This was what these people did every day and they were professionals - there was no need for him to be uncomfortable or embarrassed but he couldn’t help it.    
  
She examined the container and gave him a reassuring smile. “Oh it’s plenty. Above average actually,” she replied. “We often get much smaller samples and still have all we need.”    
  
Nik nodded and grabbed his jacket from the coat hanger. “Okay well thanks. Take care.” With that he practically ran out of the office to his car before he took another breath. Finally he took a deep breath and then let himself smile. I’m above average, he thought proudly. Before he drove away he sent Gwen a text -  _ She said I’m above average.  _

Her reply was instant -  _ I don’t even want to know.  _ Nik laughed and drove away, feeling so happy and relieved that his part was over and he could finally relax. Gwen still had a long road ahead, but he was looking forward to supporting her through the most exciting time of her life. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit’s about to get reallllll - who’s excited? 😂
> 
> I decided to kinda skip ahead from Nik’s perspective so I could naturally skim over a lot of the intimate details of what Gwen would have to go through. Hopefully you guys are okay with that. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

The next few weeks were a bit of a blur for Nikolaj - up to the day of the phone call that changed everything. He stayed with Gwen a couple more days after the donation. They had a lawyer appointment and he also met with his business partner one of the days. 

They had finally found a script they both really liked based on a book called We are Lost and Found. It was geared toward young adults, but the story itself was captivating and really fit with the current climate of the society. They both agreed it was best to wait a week or so, read a few more scripts and then give it a second read. If they were still enamoured by it then, it was the winner. 

The lawyer appointment with Gwen had been more challenging to him emotionally than Nik had expected. He had told himself going in that he was basically signing off rights to some of his semen, that’s all. There was no baby as of yet and when there was one it was Gwen’s and only hers. It made sense. It should have been easy. 

But once the papers were signed he couldn’t help feeling like he had just turned his back on his own child - that he had essentially given up on his own flesh and blood. You have no rights, he told himself, this is what you agreed to and this is what Gwen wants. He was finally able to make himself feel right about the whole thing by focusing on her and the fact that he was able to help her create a dream of hers. Instead of feeling back about signing over the rights he focussed on being proud of the way he could help a friend in such a special way. 

On the plane ride home he missed Gwen deeply. That was the worst part of spending time with her - the ache and longing he felt once it was over. There was a small part of him that was actually considering moving to London. His business partner lived there, and Nik loved the city and had even resided there in the past. But he worried the timing might seem a bit convenient to Gwen and he didn’t want her to feel like he was invading her space or smothering her in any way. Besides, there was no place on earth he loved more than Denmark. No matter where he went or where he lived, he always considered Denmark home. 

There was also his daughters to think of. While they were older now and living their own lives, he still wanted to always have a place they could come to that felt like home, even though things were very different from when they were growing up. Nukaka had settled close to her family in Greenland and when the girls visited there they were surrounded by love and traditional culture. They had grown to respect that part of their mum’s life and even to embrace their own indigenous roots. Nik was happy about that and proud of them for learning the language and even dressing more traditionally when they visited Nukaka. But knowing they had that special connection with that side of their culture made it even more important for Nik to provide somewhere to foster the other half, their Danish heritage. Perhaps he would get a place in London someday, but he could never give up his home in Copenhagen. 

Thinking about all of that made Nik plan a day with both of his girls - separately. They had very different interests so the two days looked very different. Filippa was more outdoorsy like him, so they went hiking and bike riding, and had a picnic by the lake. It was a perfect day and it felt good to be around his eldest and watch her shine so brightly. The day with Safina was more cultured and faster paced. They went to a play she wanted to see, spent some time shopping and even went for a mani-pedi after the goKarts. Safina was resilient and intriguing. She constantly surprised him and Nik loved that about her. He made plans with both of them to actually have all three of them go for dinner together a couple weeks down the road. It felt good to have that date set in the calendar so he could look forward to seeing them. 

Amidst everything else that was going on in his life there were phone calls to and from Gwen - every day. When he said he wanted to be a part of her journey as a friend he had been serious and he was thankful she had taken it seriously. They would talk every night and she would fill him in on how things were going and what the next steps were.

Nik could feel her nervous excitement the night she called and told him the embryos were ready. They had 5 prepared and frozen, ready to implant into the surrogate when it was time. He wished he was there to give her the hug he knew she needed, but he also knew her mum was being incredibly supportive and he was thankful Gwen had her. Philippa Christie was an incredible woman and it was no surprise she’d raised a daughter like Gwen. 

Nik also knew Gwen had the support of another amazing woman named Liz - her surrogate. He wished so much that he could meet this woman and thank her for the gift she was giving his best friend. When Gwen spoke of her it was with the utmost fondness. They had bonded from the first day they met and Nik had a feeling they would stay in touch after the whole thing was over. He was no longer worried about the legal situation because without even meeting her he could tell Liz was an incredible person and she would never try to keep Gwen’s baby. 

Gwen explained that she and Liz believed they were a team and they attended her check ups together, met a few times a week to get to know each other better and discuss how the future would look as Liz carried the baby to term. She actually called them kindred spirits once and it was so heartwarming for him to hear. Going through this as a single parent he knew Gwen needed the extra support, whether she would admit it or not. She liked to appear tough and independant, but those who knew her, knew that deep down she is a highly emotional creature and very vulnerable. 

“I asked if she would meet you the next time you come visit,” Gwen said one night. “She said she would love to and then gushed about how handsome you are,” she finished with a laugh. 

“That would be amazing,” he replied. “I wasn’t sure if that was allowed.” Gwen explained that it was very much up to her and Liz and how comfortable they were with being a part of each other’s lives. Gwen had already met some of Liz’s family, including her sister, husband and little boy. While Gwen was very private about her personal life as a celebrity, she was very open and giving with her friends and family, so it didn’t surprise Nik at all that her and the surrogate had become fast friends.  
About a week after the embryos were ready it was time to implant them. This was the biggest day of the whole thing so far and once again Nik wished he could be there to share in the excitement. He knew that the timing was all based on Liz’s cycle, which is why it happened so quickly. Otherwise they would have had to wait another full month. A month in which Gwen would have went crazy with anticipation. He was thankful the timing worked out the way it had. 

Nik was actually pacing, waiting for Gwen to call and when she finally did his heart was beating wildly. “Well? How did it go?” he asked, almost breathless. 

“Perfectly,” she replied. He could picture her radiant face, beaming happily, from the tone of her voice. “Liz has had great success in the past with embryos taking, and she’s carried twins before too, so they decided to only implant three - just incase they were to all take.” 

Nik snorted. “Triplets? Can you imagine?” 

“Uh, no, I cannot,” she laughed. “It’s still a possibility though, given how successful she’s been with IVF in the past, so I’m going to be a nervous wreck until we know,” Gwen sighed. It was an elated sigh, even if she was worried. Nik knew she would happily take triplets over the other option of none of the embryos taking. 

“How long until you find out?” Nik asked. 

“The appointment is on the 11th,” she said. Nik did the mental calculation and realized it was just over a week - 8 long days. 

“What are you going to do to keep your mind off it for a week?” he said with a chuckle. Gwen wasn’t the most patient of people and this waiting thing was going to make her bonkers. 

“Maybe some shopping, maybe binge something on Netflix, maybe a spa day,” she sighed again. “This will be the longest week of my life. Prepare to deal with many annoying phone calls.” 

“You never annoy me,” he replied truthfully. She could call 5 times a day and he would still be happy just to hear her voice. 

“Oh just wait,” she said with a little laugh. He loved how full of happiness she sounded. 

“Listen, I was thinking, once you get the news, maybe I can come for a visit and celebrate?” he said softly. Again, he really didn’t want to intrude, but he was so happy for her and he wanted to be able to tell her that in person and share in her elation. 

“Yes,” she shouted excitedly. “Oh my God, I was hoping you would come visit soon.” Nik smiled happily and they made plans for when he would visit. Just like with the girls, it felt amazing to have a date on the calendar that he could look forward to seeing her. 

The week passed slowly and as expected she called far more often. He was fine with it though and did his best to distract her with anything he could think of just to let her mind rest for a little while. When the 11th rolled around Nik couldn’t focus on anything. He needed to hear how it went. The appointment wasn’t until the afternoon so he went for a long jog and then a hike to pass the time. It was ridiculous how on edge he was anticipating her phone call. 

When the phone finally rang he was so excited he thought he might throw up. “Well?” There was a pause. It was a long pause. Too long. Bile started to rise up in his throat. Why wasn’t she answering him? The first thing he heard was a sob and he sunk to the floor. “Gwen?” he whispered. He was still praying it was good news, but that sob didn’t sound like a happy one. 

“I need you,” she got out, followed by a sniffle and a choked crying sound. 

“Fuck,” he hissed. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Please can you come? I’m so sorry to ask - but I really, really need you right now,” she begged. 

“I will pack my shit and be on the next plane to London,” he assured her. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. 

“Stop, you know I don’t mind. You know I’ll be there anytime you need me, you have to know that,” Nik pleaded with her to believe him. “Gwen, please, tell me what happened?” 

“The embryos - the ones they implanted in Liz - all three of them -” she sobbed again. “They didn’t take Nik. None of them.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case I haven’t mentioned it lately - you guys are the best, for real. Thank you 😘😘😘

Less than six hours later Nik was at her door. He kept in touch with her as much as he could with texts so she constantly knew where he was. The man was literally at the airport booking a flight an hour after she called him. He had to wait two hours for the next flight to London and the flight itself was another two hours - then by the time he made it to her flat - it was just short of 6 hours. 

“Are you hungry? You must be hungry,” Gwen muttered as soon as she opened the door. She had no idea why that was the first thing out of her mouth, nerves probably, or her unstable emotional state. Nik ignored her, stepped inside the door, closed it behind him, and opened his arms to her. Gwen fell against his body and he held her tightly to his chest. “I just stopped crying,” she sniffed, feeling the tears well up again. 

“Shh, just let it out,” he whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here now.” That was all it took for the floodgates to open and the ugly crying to begin. Gwen quickly realized that she hadn’t fully broken down yet. All the tears before now were nothing compared to the pain and anguish she was releasing while Nik held her limp body against his. Without him holding her up she would have sunk to the floor. Her legs felt weak and exhausted, but he was her rock. He held her steady and was patient and calm while she covered his hoodie with tears, drool and snot. It was embarrassing, but she couldn’t stop. 

When she started to come around a bit she found her feet and she reached her arms around him. Instead of Nik holding her up she clung to him for a bit. It was a desperate and needy scene, but she honestly didn’t care because it was honest and truthful. She was a complete mess and there was no one else in the world she could be this vulnerable with and still face the next day. 

When the tears finally slowed down she took a ragged breath and sighed, then slowly pulled back to survey the damage. She looked up at Nik’s face and she could tell how worried he was. Then she looked back down at his soaking wet shirt. “Oh god, I’m so sorry,” she muttered, looking around for something to sop it up. She found a tissue box and pulled out 6 in a row and headed straight for his shoulder where most of the damage had been done. “Let me -“ she sniffled. 

Nik grabbed her hand and held it, balling the tissues up into her fist. “It’s okay,” he said calmly. 

“No, it’s not,” she whined, looking up at him with sad eyes. “Look what I’ve done. Look, what I’ve done to you,” the last word came out with an embarrassing snort, gasp kind of noise and her body involuntary jerked. 

Nik let go of her hand. He unzipped the hoodie, shrugged it off and tossed it onto a nearby chair. “There. See? It’s fine.” Gwen stared at him, trying to calm her breathing and fight off the next round of tears. Every time she thought she had control they would threaten again, but that’s how the entire day had gone so far. 

“How bad does my face look?” She asked, touching the puffy skin around her eyes. 

“You look beautiful,” he replied, covering her cheek with a warm hand. 

“Liar,” Gwen whispered, as she closed her eyes and nuzzled his hand. “I look like a vampire with a shellfish allergy that just ate a shrimp cocktail.”

Nik chuckled and she felt his hand shake against her cheek. “Not quite. Your lips aren’t that puffy,” he said softly, as he traced her bottom lip with his thumb. 

Gwen opened her eyes and looked at him. He was really here. She asked him to come and he did, without question, without hesitation. He just dropped everything and came because she needed him. “Thank you,” she whispered. He understood and nodded slightly. 

“Can we sit? Are you ready to talk?” Nik asked. 

“Can we sit in the kitchen? Can I make you something? Please? I know you’re hungry.” He nodded as he moved his hand away. Gwen knew he was probably being agreeable for her benefit, but she was desperate to do something for him. Anything. 

She started rummaging around trying to find something to make, but there was nothing. “I’m good with just some coffee,” Nik said. “I actually did eat while I was waiting for my flight.” Gwen gave him a thankful look and made two coffees in her Keurig. 

Once she was settled they started to chat. “She was devastated,” Gwen said. She could still picture Liz’s face, her pretty features twisted with shock and horror. It wasn’t the news that either one of them had been expecting. “I didn’t tell her it was okay. I didn’t tell her it wasn’t her fault. I didn’t say anything.” 

“Don’t beat yourself up,” he said gently, reaching across the table to cover her hand in a moment of comfort. “You were both in shock. People react differently. She will understand.” 

“But I let her think it was her fault,” Gwen sighed. “She kept apologizing and finally they took her to another room. I haven’t even called her. I should call her, right? Should I call her now?” 

Nik shook his head. “Not tonight. Give her some time and space and you can call her in the morning. From everything you have told me about this woman I’m confident she will be just fine.” 

“God I’m an asshole,” she moaned. 

“Hey,” he snapped. “Look at me.” She slowly raised her eyes. “You are not an asshole and you’re going to stop thinking like that,” he said sternly. “You have been through something devastating and you are allowed to be upset, angry, crazy, whatever - so no more. You’re human. That’s all.” 

“Okay,” she said meekly. “I’ll stop.” 

“I have some questions,” Nik continued. “I know you’re really upset right now, but can you try again in a month when Liz is ready, right? You have more eggs still. Do you need more sperm? Do you need me to do that again?” 

Gwen shook her head. “No. That won’t be necessary.” 

“What? Why?” He looked confused. “You know I don’t mind. And I swear I’ll do better this time,” he added sheepishly. 

“No it’s not that,” she replied, avoiding his eyes. “Liz won’t be trying again.” 

“Gwen, I promise you, when you call her tomorrow and talk to her - everything will be fine. She will be happy to try again. I -“ 

“No,” Gwen snapped, cutting him off. “We aren’t trying again.” She made sure her voice was firm so he knew she was absolutely serious. 

But it still didn’t stop him from pushing back again. “Gwen, this is not the time to make a decision like this.” You don’t understand. You don’t understand, her mind was screaming as he spoke. “You have had one hell of a shitty day. You need to sleep on it, at the very least. Maybe even take a week, or two, whatever you need, to properly grieve. Then, when you have fully come to terms with what happened you talk to Liz, and your doctors and Dr. Schaefer too. You talk to your team and you decide together.” Oh my God, stop, please stop. Gwen had her face in her hands and she was shaking her head. “I will be here as long as you need me,” he added. “I’ll support you with whatever you decide - I promise. But I just can’t let you give up when you’re in this state.”

She couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much. She shoved her chair back from the table with a loud screech and it toppled over behind her. “I’m not giving up,” she screamed, blinded by tears in two seconds flat. “I’m not giving up.” 

Nik stood and reached out a hand to touch her shoulder. “Hey, shhh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m so sorry Gwen. Please calm down, I swear I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“It’s not that,” she said, her voice shaking almost uncontrollably. How was she going to tell him? She had to tell him the truth. He was here. He was wonderful. He was perfect. He deserved to know everything. Maybe not quite everything, but most of it. “Nik, there’s more,” she whispered. 

Gwen scrambled to pick up her chair, swiping away at the tears that were blurring her vision. She set it upright and turned back to him. “Sit down.” 

He cautiously took two steps backward and sat down in his chair. “What’s going on?” His face conveyed both worry and confusion. 

“I’m not giving up,” she said again. 

“I, uh, I know -“ he started to say, but she quickly silenced him. 

“Liz won’t be trying again, at least not anytime soon, hopefully not ever.” Somehow he looked even more confused, but this time he stayed silent. “I don’t need her.” 

He couldn’t help himself. “Gwen, please -“ 

“I don’t fucking need her Nik,” she said passionately. “Don’t you see? Don’t you get what that means?” He shrugged and shook his head, his eyes pleading with her to make everything make sense for him. 

Gwen closed her eyes and rubbed her face. She took a long deep breath and opened them again. She looked at Nik, looked him right in the eye, and finally shared her secret. “I’m pregnant.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine’s Day to all you beautiful people. Hope you enjoy this one 😁😉

When her words registered in his brain Nik was hit with a barrage of feelings and emotions, most of which he didn’t understand at all. He pushed most of them aside but one question wouldn’t be forced away. “Is it mine?” Nik blurted out. It was completely selfish and insensitive but he couldn’t stop the words from flying out of his mouth. 

“Uh, no, well yes, but no,” she stammered. 

“Wait, you said you have menopause. You can’t get pregnant. Were you wrong? Should we have been more careful?” He was rambling, but he couldn’t help it. This was not what he had been expecting at all. 

Gwen sighed. “I told you the truth, the menopause is real. But what I didn’t tell you is that -“ she paused and studied him for a moment. Nik looked back into her pretty blue eyes, that were full of anxiety. “I let them implant the two extra embryos in me.” 

Nik’s body relaxed immediately. But there was a nagging feeling left behind that he couldn’t figure out. He didn’t have time to think about that anyway. This wasn’t about him or his feelings - it was about Gwen. You are here to help her, he told himself. “Tell me the details and how it all works,” he said quickly. She looked like she was ready to freak out again so he hoped keeping her talking would help. 

“It wasn’t supposed to work at all,” she started. “It was a complete and total long shot. Post menopausal women can carry embryos implanted through IVF, but normally they have to take meds to prepare the uterus so there is a lining for the embryo to be implanted in.” Nik nodded as she was speaking to let her know he was following. “But remember I told you they put me on drugs to help with the menopause symptoms? Well those drugs are similar to what they would give to prepare the uterus and that’s why I’ve had some light periods again since I’ve been taking them. Anyway,” Gwen shrugged. “None of us actually expected it to work, but there was no sense in just disposing of the embryos so I agreed. And you know the rest.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked softly.

“I didn’t tell anyone. Liz doesn’t know. My mum doesn’t know - no one but the doctors and myself. I really didn’t think it would ever matter,” she explained with a sniffle. “I figured it would fail as expected and I could just put it behind me and forget about it - then focus on the fact that Liz was carrying my child.” She gently banged the table with her fist, over and over for a few seconds. “But now here I am and nothing is going right.” 

“Did you ever think that maybe this is just the way it was supposed to be?” He asked. He knew Gwen wasn’t a big believer in fate and destiny, he wasn’t either. But sometimes things happen that really seem like they were just meant to be and he had a feeling this was one of those cases. “Think about it - Liz has been successful many times. At least one of the embryos should have worked, but they didn’t. They shouldn’t have worked for you but you’re pregnant. That can’t be a coincidence right?” 

She shrugged and ringed her hands together. “I’ve honestly been freaking out too much to think about it. I wasn’t prepared for this. I’m not ready. I didn’t research this part. I don’t know if I can do it.” She was getting really worked up again. “What if, what if I fail? What if I lose the baby? That was my biggest fear and the main reason I wanted a surrogate. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have let them implant the embryos.”

“Gwen, look at me again,” he said. He needed to know she was really listening to what he was telling her. “You can do this and you will. But you know as well as I do that if you lose the baby it’s not your fault. You won’t have done anything wrong, it just happens sometimes.” She nodded slightly. “But you also need to stop thinking about that. Focus on what matters. There’s a baby in your belly. The baby that you wanted and you get to be it’s mom right from this very second while it grows inside you. You get to feel it move and kick you, and the baby gets to hear your heart beating every single day - not someone else’s - yours.” Her eyes looked shiny with tears, but she was holding it together quite well. “There’s nothing wrong with using a surrogate. Babies can still bond with their mothers and all that, but you wouldn’t have got to experience what it’s like to have that child inside you and nurture it from the very beginning. Now you have that chance and I want you to promise me you’ll enjoy it.” 

“I’ll try,” she whispered. “But I’m really scared.” 

“I know, and it’s okay to be scared. But you know I’m here for you and you have lots of other people in your life who will also be there for you if you need them,” he said encouragingly. 

“What about Liz? She doesn’t know. I didn’t find out until they separated us because they couldn’t share that confidential information in front of her,” Gwen explained. “I feel so horrible. She was gone by the time I came out.” 

Nik checked his watch. It wasn’t even 10pm yet. “Maybe you should call her now,” he suggested. “It’s a bit late, but knowing this new information - assuming you want to tell her - I think it would make you both feel a lot better so you can get some sleep tonight.” He stood up and walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. Then he bent and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll give you some privacy while I go put my things away.” She looked up at him and Nik smiled. “Congratulations,” he said, as he moved a stray piece of her hair away. “You’re going to be an amazing mum.” He finished with a kiss on her forehead, before leaving her alone to call Liz. 

The second he was away from her all those emotions he had pushed aside to focus on her came flying back and hit him - hard. He actually had to stop walking and put his hand on the wall to steady himself. Gwen was pregnant. Inside her stomach was the product of her DNA mixed with his. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. She wasn’t supposed to be the one carrying the baby. He had convinced himself he could get through this with that extra degree of separation. That’s what he has clung to all this time to survive these mixed emotions. Now that buffer was gone and he had no idea how he was going to get through it. 

Would I have agreed anyway? Before I knew she was using a surrogate? Nik asked himself. If he was being honest he knew he would have. Gwen wanted this baby and he wanted to help - so he would have still been her donor. So what does it matter? This doesn’t change anything. 

But it does! It changes everything, a voice screamed inside his head. Nik quickly grabbed his backpack and hoodie and went to his room. He shut the door behind him and flopped dramatically onto the bed. 

It doesn’t change anything, he tried again. Nik closed his eyes and made an attempt to believe that, but his heart wouldn’t join in. The longer he stewed on it, the more angry he got. Why didn’t she ask me first? He wondered. Because she doesn’t need your permission. He growled in frustration at the logical reply from some sane part of his brain. He knew he had already legally signed away his rights. But why did it all of a sudden feel so damn wrong? 

This game of back and forth going on inside his head continued for some time, to the point he was physically responding by flopping back and forth angrily, and kicking his heels against the mattress once in a while. He felt like a child taking a tantrum. Get a hold of yourself. 

It wasn’t until there was a knock on the door that he finally did get his shit together. Somewhat. “Come in,” he called out.

“Hey,” Gwen said. She looked happier and more relaxed, like a heaviness was lifted off her. He wished he was feeling the same. “It’s all good. We talked. And cried. But everything is fine and we are going to meet for lunch next week.” 

“That’s great, I’m happy for you.” The words sounded robotic and Gwen froze and eyed him. “I really am,” he added, but his tone hadn’t improved at all. 

“What’s going on?” She asked, moving closer to where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Nothing, just tired I guess,” he replied, trying to make an excuse. 

“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” she sighed. “I didn’t even think about how you must be feeling. Nik, I promise this doesn’t change anything for you. I don’t expect anything, we already made the legal arrangements, it’s fine, I promise. You don’t have anything to worry about.” 

How could she possibly get it that wrong? “You should have asked me first,” he spat. Fuck. He wished he could take it back, but it was too late. 

“Asked you?” She repeated. He had thrown her off guard and it took her a minute to figure out what he was talking about. “Oh before I had the embryos implanted?” He tried to shrug it off like it didn’t matter to him as much as it did. “Nik, I don’t need your permission, you know that. But I should have told you as soon as I did it. I should have let you know that this was a possibility. You have to believe me though, I never thought it would happen.” She moved even closer so she was standing right in front of him. “I just, I don’t understand why it matters to you though?” She said softly. “I mean, I thought you were worried I might, I don’t know, expect you to be more of part of things than you’re comfortable with or something, but clearly it’s not that.” Nik was looking down at the floor, when he felt her fingers gently running through his hair. “Tell me what’s going on,” she whispered. 

It was the moment of truth. There was only one way to relieve himself of the burden he was carrying and that was to come clean but was he being selfish by doing so? Gwen had chosen this life for herself and it wasn’t right for him to influence it in any way. Unless - unless there was a part of her that felt the same. He slowly looked up at her. Was there any little piece of her that wanted him to be something more? 

“I was okay when there was a surrogate. I was doing okay,” he muttered. He was having trouble formulating thoughts because of the way Gwen was looking at him. There was a softness and a fondness in her eyes he had never seen before. “I found a way to accept it, but now -” His voice trailed off and he lifted his hand, then slowly inched forward until his fingers and palm were flat on her belly, low, where the little person was a bunch of multiplying cells growing rapidly. Her belly was perfectly flat and it would be for some time, but there was a warm, tingly feeling in his hand that made him believe something magical was happening underneath. 

“Now it’s different,” she whispered, finishing his thought as she placed her hand overtop of his. He nodded and they continued to stare at one another. “There’s one more thing I need to tell you,” Gwen breathed. 

“I don’t know if I can handle much more,” he replied with a little sigh. 

She moved her hand from on top of his to his cheek and joined with her other hand too so she was cupping his face. “Then I won’t tell you,” she added, giving him a shy smile. It was strange to see that timid side of her every time it happened, but the vulnerability was beautiful. “I’ll show you.” She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. “Close your eyes Nik,” she whispered. So he did - and he waited. 

Seconds later her lips were touching his and Nik felt his body tremble in response. They had kissed before, but this was different. It was gentle, yet purposeful, and Nik knew the answer to his earlier question - there was definitely part of her that wanted more from him. She needed to know that he was willing to give her everything - and more. 

He couldn’t bring himself to take his hand off her belly just yet so he reached up with his free hand and touched the back of her neck, drawing her closer as they kissed. His body was humming and his heart was fluttering wildly. It wasn’t sexual this time - it was something entirely different. For the first time he let himself feel everything - the truth - and he knew for sure he was one hundred percent in love with Gwen. 

When she drew back and finally spoke her own truth, his heart exploded in his chest - “I love you Nik. I have for a long time.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is a big old sappy mess. But it had to happen eventually right? 😂 I Hope you enjoy 😘😘😘

“I love you too.” It was the easiest, most natural words that had ever rolled off his tongue. What followed was the first kiss of two people who loved each other. Up until that moment, until they had both spoken the words to each other, they had only been friends, so all the kisses before were different. Now that the truth was out in the open for both of them the kiss held so much more meaning. It was no longer the first step to fucking - instead it was the first step of the rest of their lives - as a couple in love. 

“Is this really happening?” Gwen asked, after pulling back to look at him. Her eyes were searching his, looking almost panicked. 

“This has been one hell of a day for you, hasn’t it?” he asked, with a warm, gentle smile. Gwen nodded slowly and Nik realized she was likely in a state of shock. “Hey, sit down,” he said, patting the bed beside him. Gwen took a seat next to him and he slipped an arm around her. She adjusted herself and tucked her head against his shoulder. “If this is all too much for you right now - I can wait,” he whispered, picking up her hand off the bed to hold it. “I’ve waited a long, long time to tell you that. A few more months isn’t going to kill me.” 

He could feel her head shaking on his shoulder. “No, I think I need this to get through the rest. I need you,” she admitted. His heart swelled hearing her say that. It felt good to be needed and wanted by the person who owned your heart. 

“I’ll still be here, whenever you need me, but if you want to hold off on the love thing - I would understand,” he offered again. He didn’t want her to say yes, but he did want her to know he would literally do anything to make her life easier, even if it was a bit masochistic. 

Gwen sat up and looked at him. “Do you want to wait?” she asked, her eyes filled with worry. 

Nik immediately felt guilty for putting any seed of doubt into her mind. “I don’t. Not at all. I want you, I want - “ He paused for a moment and glanced down at her tummy. “I want all of it. Everything.” 

“What are you saying?” she whispered. 

“Is it too late to change those legal documents?” he asked, his heart pounding. This was huge. This would change her entire life, her plan, everything. Gwen was staring at him, wide eyed, and he realized maybe his timing was bad. She opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her. “Shh, don’t say anything right now. Just listen, okay?” She gave a little nod. “It’s been a long, emotional day. Moreso for you, but for both of us really. It’s late and I know you’re exhausted. I think we should get some sleep and we can talk in the morning when our minds are clear and rested.” He lifted her hand up and placed their palms together, then slowly threaded his fingers through hers and smiled as he looked at their hands intimately joined together. He leaned over and gave her a soft, but lingering kiss. “Sound good?” he asked. 

Gwen nodded and looked thankful. She stood up and pulled him with her. “On one condition,” she said. “You are coming to my room and sleeping with me. Whether or not I can share a bed with you could impact my decision,” she added with a laugh. 

“That’s a good point,” Nik agreed. “I’ve heard you snore - I need to be sure I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with a 747 in my bed.” 

Gwen smacked him - hard. “I do not snore like a jet,” she insisted. 

“You’re right, it’s more like a cute little prop plane,” he teased, as they walked down the hall hand in hand. Nik stripped down to his underwear, but he was thankful that Gwen went into the bathroom and returned in a pair of silky pajamas that covered most of her. They climbed into bed and she slid over close so he could hold her. “Night,” he whispered softly. She replied and then turned slightly so they were spooning and Nik held her like that most of the night, with his hand protectively splayed across her belly. 

He woke to the smell of bacon wafting down the hall. He went pee, used some of Gwen’s mouthwash and then threw on clothes he picked up off the floor from the night before. He would shower later and change then. 

“So I burned the bacon, we have no eggs and I have no idea where I put the toaster,” Gwen announced when he came into the kitchen. “If you were looking for a more domestic sort of relationship you might want to run.” 

“How do you not know where your toaster is?” Nik muttered. She glared at him. “What I meant to say was - I love crispy bacon, I can do without eggs and I prefer bread over toast anyway.” 

“I know you’re lying, but thank you,” she said with a smile. He noticed she was not lying about burning the bacon when he saw his plate. But the bread looked fresh and she had cut up some fruit on the side too. She truly had made an effort, even though cooking wasn’t really one of her skills. It wasn’t his strong suit either, but he could manage most things well enough.

“You know, smoothies tend to be my go-to breakfast, but this was a nice change,” he said after finishing up the bacon that pretty much disintegrated in his mouth. 

Gwen stared at him. She looked like she was going to cry. “The bacon was awful, the pineapple wasn’t sweet enough and the bananas were still green.” 

Nik took a big bite of bread and spoke while he chewed. “But this bread is fucking great.” She still looked like she was about to tear up. “And the best part of it all - the company. You are beautiful,” he added. She started to protest about her puffy eyes from all the crying, but he interrupted. “I just ate bacon dust so you wouldn’t cry - give me this,” he moaned dramatically, trying to make her laugh. “You’re beautiful and I love your face - no matter how puffy it is - so deal with it.” She gave in with a grateful smile. Gwen didn’t often let him with anything, but he was enjoying this new side of her that came with all the emotion and hormones she was dealing with lately. In reality, it didn’t matter what side of her came out - he loved them all. He loved everything about her. 

“I had a thought last night,” Nik said after a moment of quiet while they finished eating. “They implanted two embryos, right?” She nodded. “So you could be having twins?” 

“Ugh,” she groaned, nodding again. “Yeah, but that’s not all. I was reading this article about a woman who had IVF and they implanted two embryos and both split - so she was carrying two sets of identical twins. Apparently identical twins are more common with IVF pregnancies for some reason.” 

“Holy fuck,” Nik muttered. 

“Yeah, so I’ll be preparing myself for the possibility of quadruplets until I can have an ultrasound,” she said. “Ready to run yet?” 

“Absolutely not,” he shook his head. “I love babies. The more the merrier.” 

“Yeah, tell that to my future vagina and cracked nipples,” she drawled. 

“Nah, you should be more worried about stretch marks and a sore back. Quads would be way smaller when they’re born - you’ll pop those things right out - bam, bam, bam, bam,” he teased. 

“I hate you,” she said with a laugh. It was quiet again and he watched her tear little bits off her bread and toss them on her plate, not eating much. “Nik,” she said softly. “I hope the fact that this baby is biologically part yours isn’t why you’re doing this.” He was momentarily stunned. “I mean, yesterday you were fine with everything because I was using a surrogate, but as soon as you found out I was pregnant everything changed. Is that all this is about?” 

“How can you even ask me that?” he whispered. “How can you think that?” He tried to remind himself of just how much she had been through and the shock of the past 18 or so hours. “I’m in love with you and I should have told you long before last night. I know we couldn’t have done this the traditional way, but if I had told you months ago, years ago even - you wouldn’t have had to go through any of this alone.” He knew she was going to cry at some point, so it was no surprise when tear rolled down her cheek. “Even if that baby was made with some other guys DNA - it wouldn’t change anything. I still love you and I still want to be a part of your life - that includes your child.” 

“My child?” she stated in the form of a question. 

“I, uh, I don’t, uh,” he stammered. “I don’t want to be presumptuous.”

“But do you want to be a father - again?” she asked. 

Nik had no idea what their futures would look like. Where would they live? How would they make it all work? But it really didn’t matter. He knew without a doubt that he wanted to be a dad again - with Gwen. He never thought in his wildest dreams only one day earlier, that this would be possible. He had signed papers giving up his rights. He had convinced himself that he was okay with all of it. He had decided that he could still be friends with Gwen and be around a baby he knew was biologically his. 

Now it was all different. He thought he was giving Gwen a gift, but the truth was - she was the one who had given a gift to him. The sweetest gift. The next few months were going to be tough. He had to tell his daughters what was going on. He and Gwen would likely tell all their friends the truth too. Eventually the media would find out. Around every corner they would have to deal with something new, but Nik was confident they would be fine because they would get through it together. 

Nik pushed his chair back and moved around the table. He dropped to his knees in front of her and took both of her hands in his. “I would consider myself the luckiest man in the word if you would give me that honor,” he said, looking up at her. It wasn’t a marriage proposal, that might come someday down the road, but it was a proposal of sorts. 

She lifted her hands and cupped his face, smiling down at him. “From now on this is OUR baby. You survived my snoring and burnt bacon - I think we can make it through anything.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while :) I know those of you reading this have waited a very long time for this chapter. I hope you enjoy ❤️

While Nik was showering he was going over all the things he needed to do. It was a long list and a few of the items on it were going to be extremely difficult, such as telling Filippa and Safina that they were going to have a new sister or brother. He knew his girls really well, but he literally had no idea how they were going to react. He did know he needed to be completely honest with them and just hope for the best. 

He also needed to talk to Gwen about timing. It was still very early in the pregnancy and some women liked to wait until after the first trimester to tell people. If that was the case, he had a big secret to keep for over two months. It wouldn’t be easy, but he wanted to support Gwen in every way, so he would abide by any wishes and requests she had. 

One step at a time, Nik told himself, as he climbed out of the shower and started to dry off. He was getting himself way too worked up, for no reason. What I should be focussed on is the fact that Gwen and I are in love and we’re having a baby, he thought. That’s all that matters and everything else will fall into place. 

By the time he left the bathroom he was smiling. But that smile fell off his face the second he saw what was waiting for him on the bed because his jaw hit the floor. Gwen was laying there, without a stitch of clothing on her body, splayed out for him, her long sexy legs stretching out for miles and her small, but perky tits calling out to him. 

“What is happening here?” He asked, raising his eyebrows as his eyes travelled up and down her body. 

She licked her lips seductively. “Must be the pregnancy hormones.” 

He yanked his shirt off over his head and started to undo his jeans. “Are you going to use that excuse the whole time to try to cover up the fact you’re pretty much a nymphomaniac?” 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” she replied, smiling wickedly. “You’ve always managed to keep up.” 

“I have, haven’t I,” he nodded, shoving his pants and underwear to the floor, wondering why he’d bothered to get dressed. 

As Nik walked slowly towards her he noticed her eyes had dropped from his face to much further down his body. “Really doesn’t take you long to go from zero to 60, does it?” She commented. 

He glanced down to see his cock was sticking straight out, well on its way to full attention. He reached down and ran his hand slowly up and down his shaft. “Unless I’m trying to jerk off into a cup,” he joked. 

“We figured it out,” she breathed, biting that soft, full bottom lip. 

“We did,” he nodded, finally making it to the end of the bed. He reached for her foot and lifted it into his hands, massaging it gently, before switching to the other. 

Gwen groaned. “Mmm, please tell me you’ll do that every night, when I start to waddle and have cankles.” 

“Any time you want,” he replied with complete honesty. He was excited to be by her side and do whatever he could to make it more comfortable for her. He slid his hands all the way up her legs while climbing onto the bed. Nik laid beside her and started to explore with a single fingertip. He kissed her shoulder while he grazed her skin, working his way from her hip bone up and over her ribs towards her breasts. 

“Don’t squeeze,” she warned. “They have been so fucking sore the last few days.” 

Nik continued with one finger and traced it around her nipple, watching it pucker and grow hard. “How about that?” He asked. She groaned in response. He lightly brushed the tip and she arched her back, moaning loudly. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He replaced his finger with his tongue and licked lightly. 

Gwen gasped. “They’re so sensitive. It feels incredible.” Nik continued to play with her nipples, teasing with his tongue, then sucking very lightly. He wanted to give her as much pleasure as he could, but didn’t want to hurt her. 

With his tongue still lavishing her breasts he slowly slipped a hand down the front of her body, hesitating for a moment on her tummy. He felt Gwen place her hand over his and hold it there for a sweet and tender moment, before she guided his fingers lower and spread her legs, ready for him. 

Nik took it slow, just like he had with everything so far. The teasing was torture for her, but he knew she loved the build. By the time his fingers finally sunk into her she was so slick it made his cock throb with anticipation. 

Everything felt so good and so - right. He was actually glad they hadn’t done anything from the time she first came to him about being her donor. This would be their first time since admitting their feelings for each other, their first time since their entire lives had completely changed, and it was nice to have that separation from their previous encounters of a more lustful nature. 

Nik felt her hand move, she groped all the way down his body until she found what she was looking for. She touched him just as delicately as he’d been touching her, barely grazing his shaft, but still his body responded eagerly. Then Gwen whispered a single word, “please.” Her tone was almost shy, so very unlike anything he’d ever heard from her in bed, that it threw him for a moment. But he soon recovered and moved onto his knees. 

He couldn’t believe just how badly he wanted to be inside her all of a sudden. He’d been content to just pleasure her in a slow, patient manner, but the second she touched him and made her request everything changed. He felt almost desperate, a sense of urgency taking over him. Nik knew he needed to control himself if he wanted to maintain the atmosphere he’d set so far. 

He forced himself to take a long, calming deep breath as he lined up. He paused a moment before he finally penetrated her, distracted by strange butterflies in his stomach. He realized he was nervous. As many times as they had done this in the past, why now? He wondered. 

It really didn’t take long to get over it. That slight hesitation was the very last time he paused in that nervous way. There were other hesitations, like the first time he was buried deep inside her, but that was to savor the moment - and find a way to gain control of his raging desire. He was sure she was somehow even more wet and slick than she had been seconds ago with his fingers in her pussy. 

When he finally moved it was slow. He wanted her to feel every inch of him as he pulled out and then worked his way slowly back to her core. Gwen lifted her hips each time he pushed into her, taking him as deep as she could with a low moan escaping her throat. 

Nik watched her beautiful face as he filled her and joined their bodies. She was blissfully happy and that somehow heightened his pleasure ever more. 

Even though she was already pregnant and could no longer conceive naturally, it almost felt like they were creating new life in that moment. It was a new beginning for both of them, one that neither could have ever imagined just a few short weeks earlier. He wondered if she would laugh at him if he brought that up later? Or would she think it was a sweet and romantic sentiment? 

Gwen opened her eyes and saw that he was looking at her. She gave him a soft and tender smile, then instead of closing her eyes again, she let him all the way in. She let him see absolutely everything she was feeling and Nik made sure to give it right back. For the first time ever he watched her orgasm build in her eyes. He could tell when she was getting close, and he saw that look that almost resembled panic a split second before the wave hit her. 

When she did come she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer, which he was okay with because it allowed him to focus on how it felt to fuck her through it. The way her body stiffened and then relaxed, the flood of her desire on his cock, the pulsing and throbbing of her pussy on his shaft. He could barely hold himself together enough to keep moving, but somehow he did. 

He gave her a little time to recover before he started to move faster. His strokes were no longer gentle and tender, but quick and purposeful. He was still careful not to pound her too hard, even though he knew sex during pregnancy was perfectly safe. 

It didn’t take long before he felt his balls start to tighten up and he knew he was close. He felt Gwen’s hand on his chest and looked down to see a wicked grin on her face right before she lightly pinched one of his nipples. “Fuck,” he moaned, as an explosive orgasm slammed into him and shook his body. 

He pushed in deep, one last time, as he emptied himself inside her with a long, low groan. How could anything possibly feel so good? He wondered. Not just the moment he came, but the whole thing from start to finish. It was incredible for him and the tired, satisfied smile on her lips told him it was the same for her too. 

He carefully broke their union and slipped back over to her right side. Nik leaned on his elbow and looked at her. “I think we should take every opportunity to enjoy this while we can,” he said, smiling down at her. “Babies have the worst timing.” 

Gwen reached out and stroked his cheek. “We’re having a baby,” she whispered. 

“We are,” he whispered back before brushing her lips softly with his. 

She rolled onto her side and faced him. “Just so you don’t get any ideas - this baby will absolutely not have the last name Christie Coster Waldau.” 

“Oh good,” he said with a smile. “Because I much preferred Coster Waldau Christie.” 

“Ha, you’re funny,” she said sleepily, rolling her back to him. “You can snuggle with me now, because I really need to sleep.” 

“But we just got up,” he said, pulling her close as requested. 

“I know,” she yawned. “I’m just so tired these da-“ Gwen didn’t even finish her sentence before she nodded off. Nik laid there and held her while she napped, content to just watch her sleep for as long as she needed, while their baby grew inside her.


	17. Chapter 17

“We haven’t actually discussed what I can say,” Nik said, taking a seat on the bed beside Gwen. 

“I know,” she sighed. “I’ve been avoiding it because I selfishly don’t want to think about you leaving.” 

“I wish I could just stay,” he sighed. “But you and I both know this has to be done, and I do miss my girls.” The two of them had spent an entire week together, mostly just relaxing, spending time together, and navigating the change in their relationship status. Even though it hadn’t really changed the way they interacted, other than the sex, the copious amounts of sex, it felt different knowing they were actually a couple - a couple that was having a baby together. 

“I know you do and I really hope someday they’ll feel comfortable coming here with you,” Gwen said softly. “I’ve been trying so hard not to get ahead of myself, but whenever I think about the future I can only imagine it with them in it.” She tilted her head and looked at him. “I know life isn’t typically that easy and I’m really sorry that this could be very rough for you.” 

“I still don’t know what to tell them,” he said, leaning back on the pillows behind him. “What are we telling people? Do we just say we’re having a baby and let them assume I knocked you up? Do we tell the whole story? Do we tell parts of the truth?” Nik sighed and rubbed his face. 

“What do you want to tell them?” she asked. “We need to be consistent with whatever we choose because I’m going to go visit my mum when you go home to see the girls.” Nik looked over at her. “She knows I started menopause so we can’t pretend this all happened conventionally.” 

He nodded. “My gut is telling me we should just be completely honest - full disclosure. But this whole thing is very personal for you and I don’t want to say anything you’re not comfortable sharing.” 

Gwen reached over and took his hand. “Your opinion matters. This isn’t just about me anymore. I didn’t know if you would want people knowing you agreed to be my donor.” 

“And I didn’t know if you would want anyone to know you were going that route in the first place,” he chuckled. “So we really aren’t getting anywhere here, are we?” 

“It’s so much easier when I just tell you what the fuck to do and you do it,” she joked. “But I really want this to be a ‘we’ thing.” 

Nik thought for a moment. “What if we only worry about family for right now. It’s going to be a while before you start showing and we have to worry about the public finding out, so we can cross that bridge when we get there.” Gwen nodded. “And I think we need to be honest with the people we love the most. They’re the ones who will stand by us, even if they don’t understand or agree at first.” 

“I think that sounds perfect,” she replied. “But who are we going to tell? Just my mum and your girls for now? Do you feel like you need to tell Nukaka? What about some of our mutual friends?” 

“I think for right now we just tell your mom, Safina and Filippa - but I don’t know if it’s something the girls can keep from their mother, or if I should be asking them to. If they’re upset about it and angry with me I would like them to have someone they can go to - “ He looked at Gwen and tried to read her face. “I don’t want to tell her right away, it’s really none of her business, but I just -” 

“Nik, it’s okay,” she interrupted. “If you feel confident that Nukaka will be discrete with the information for now, I’m okay with you telling her. I get what you’re saying and I really do want this to be as easy as possible for you and for them. If they’re upset - you’re right, they might need their mom.”

He felt so relieved that she understood, even though deep down he knew she would. Gwen could be high maintenance and almost insufferable at times, but she truly was an intellectual and she was filled with empathy. While there were moments she pushed the teasing a bit too far, but he was thick skinned and it really didn’t bother him. When it came down to an open and honest conversation though, she was all in and he appreciated that. “So I guess tomorrow we share the news,” he said with both relief and a bit of nervousness. It would feel good to get it off his chest, but he really didn’t know what to expect in terms of a reaction, hence the slight anxiety. “How do you think your mom is going to react?” 

Gwen rolled her head around and sighed dramatically. “She is going to be over the moon. I think she gave up on ever having Grandkids when I told her I started menopause, so this is going to blow her mind and put her in full grandma mode.” Nik smiled and thought about how amazing it would be for Gwen’s mom to have this amazing surprise. “But that’s one of the things that scares me the most,” she added. He looked at her curiously. “Once I tell her, that makes it even more real. She’s going to be so excited and that’s going to put more pressure on me. And if something were to happen - “ her voice trailed off and he could see the extreme concern in her eyes. “It just makes it even harder and more stressful, I guess.” 

Nik shifted his position so he was completely facing her. “First of all, I need you to quit thinking that way. I know you’re scared - I get that. But if anything happens it won’t be your fault and there won’t be anything you can do to stop it. So there’s absolutely no point in worrying about it.” She raised her eyes to meet his and Nik could see she was already relaxing a bit. “And furthermore - no one will blame you so there’s no pressure at all. Your mother will support you and love you no matter what happens, so just get out of your head and enjoy this experience, okay?” He saw a little tear trickle out of the corner of her eye and he reached out to brush it away. “Also, you’re stuck with me now too - no matter what.” 

“What if I drive you crazy?” she sniffed. 

Nik laughed. “You already do - in every single way - and I’m still here for all the good crazy and the bad.” Gwen started crying. Really crying. “Uh, Gwen - uh - what - what’s going on? Are you okay?” He reached out to her and pulled her in for a hug. 

“It’s just the damn hormones,” she said, between sobs. “I’ve been pretty good at holding back the tears, but sometimes I can’t. I’m sorry,” she moaned. 

He rubbed her back and smiled, while she sobbed against him. “It’s okay,” he said soothingly. “I’ll make sure to pack extra clothes to change into after you snot all over my shoulder,” he teased. It worked though, because he heard her snort in between sobs. Nik pulled back and waited for her to look at him. “You really do cry pretty, you know that?” he whispered. 

“I do not,” she huffed. “I’m probably all red and puffy and look at your shirt again,” she sighed. 

“You’re not. You’re beautiful - always.” Nik cupped her face and his heart felt so full, just looking at her red nose and pink, flushed cheeks. Her face twisted and she started to cry again. “What’s wrong now?” he asked, amused. 

“You’re being so sweet,” Gwen wailed. “What is wrong with me?” 

“Nothing, you’re perfect,” he said, leaning in to kiss her. There was only one good way that he knew to distract her. He could feel her tears when she responded immediately and started kissing him back. The sex they’d had the past week was insane. She was horny all the time and he was quite happy to make sure her needs were satisfied. He really thought things might slow down as the week progressed, but if anything they’d been fucking more the past couple of days knowing he had to leave soon. 

Nik pulled back and tugged off his damp shirt, then moved right back to her mouth. He pulled her closer and enjoyed the feel of her body grazing his chest as they eagerly kissed with such hunger and intensity you would have no idea they’d just fucked a couple hours earlier. 

He went to grab her shirt when surprisingly Gwen stopped him. She put her hand on his chest. “Hold that thought, okay? I’ll be right back. I have to use the loo.” She wiggled out of bed. “I didn’t think the peeing every 5 minutes thing started until much later.” 

Nik chuckled as she headed off to the bathroom. He went to reach for the blanket to pull it back further when he noticed something. Suddenly the world felt like it was in slow motion. There was a sound ringing in his ears like a train was rushing by and his heart was racing so fast he couldn’t catch a breath. He reached out and touched the spot on the blanket just as he heard a loud, hysterical scream coming from the bathroom. Everything connected in his brain, all at the same time and Nik felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. 

His legs were shaking as he jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Even though he already knew what he was going to find nothing could have prepared him for the devastation on her face. It was a knife straight to his heart, not just once, but repeatedly. With bile rising in his throat he looked down at her underwear and saw the red stain of blood. 

He dug down deep and pushed all his own terror aside. Gwen needed him. He had to be strong for her. “It’s going to be okay,” he said calmly. “Gwen, look at me.” She slowly raised her head and he tried not to let her see how the pain in her eyes was killing him. “I’ll get you some clothes and we’re going to head to the hospital. I need you to take some deep breaths and try to stay calm.” By some miracle she actually listened to him. “It’s going to be fine,” he said, giving her a kiss on the top of the head. 

Nik quickly raced out of the room to go find her something to change into. He had to keep moving, keep focused, because the second he slowed he was going to break - and that wouldn’t do either one of them any good.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did do research for this chapter so the details are accurate to the best of my knowledge :)

Nik was relieved that Gwen was able to get a hold of the fertility clinic and they had a doctor on call for after hours. In her emotional state a trip to the hospital was only going to cause more anxiety for both of them with the fear of being spotted. 

The doctor was waiting for them when they arrived and she was so kind and empathetic to them both. He was truly thankful because Gwen was numb, possibly even in a state of shock, and he didn’t feel like he was doing a great job of supporting her. “I’m going to take you into the exam room and give you a minute to get changed and then we’ll take a look and run some tests, okay?” 

Gwen nodded, even though it looked like she wasn’t even listening. Her expression was glazed and it broke his heart to even look at her. The doctor left a gown to put on and gave him a sympathetic look and a reassuring pat on the shoulder as she passed him. “Come on, let’s get you undressed,” Nik said, walking over to help her. He slipped off her shirt and then put the medical gown on her, tying it at the back of the neck. Gwen didn’t speak or take over doing anything on her own, but she lifted her feet one at a time as he took off her shoes and pants. 

He reached for her underwear and he felt her stiffen. “I don’t want to see. I can’t look. Please,” she whispered. Her voice was shaky with fear and he wished he could do something, anything to help. Slowly he pulled them down, his heart racing with concern, but when he saw there was just a very tiny amount of light pink blood on the pad he sighed with relief. 

“It’s just a tiny bit, barely anything,” he informed her. “I bet the bleeding has almost stopped,” he added. 

“You don’t know that,” she snapped, her eyes flashing. Nik knew she wasn’t mad at him, she was just upset and needed to lash out at someone. If that’s what he could do to help he was perfectly fine with her taking it out on him. 

“You’re right,” he said calmly. “Let’s just wait and see what the doctor says.” Nik helped her up onto the exam table and covered her legs with a sheet. “I would like to hold your hand, if that’s okay,” he said, looking into her sad eyes. “Even if you don’t need it - I do,” Nik admitted. Her face softened and she nodded, letting him take her hand just as the doctor returned. 

“Okay, let’s take a look,” the doctor said, taking a seat at the end of the exam table. She helped Gwen position her legs in the stirrups and then put on gloves and lifted the sheet. She did a pelvic exam and Nik noticed there was some blood on the gloves when she took them off. He was thankful Gwen had her eyes closed. “In terms of your cervix and vaginal walls, everything looks normal,” she announced. “I’m going to do an internal ultrasound and see if there’s anything abnormal with your uterus or Fallopian tubes.” 

Nik saw her reach for some kind of long, narrow wand. “Have you had one of these before?” The doctor asked. Gwen shook her head. “It won’t hurt, but some women find them a bit uncomfortable or awkward. So just relax and I’ll try my best to be quick.” 

Gwen gripped his hand tighter and squeezed her eyes shut as the doctor inserted the ultrasound device. “So we know your conception was just over two weeks ago, correct?” Nik bobbed his head. “So that puts you at about 4 and a half weeks gestation. We typically start counting from your last period but in your unique case that isn’t possible. Typically conception is during your fertile stage a couple weeks after your period,” she explained. An image popped up on the screen but Nik had no idea what the hell he was looking at, so it didn’t really help ease his mind at all. “You’re doing great,” she said soothingly to Gwen as she moved the wand around a little more. Nik leaned over and kissed her head. Whether she knew it or believed it right then she was so strong and brave - and he was incredibly proud of her. 

A few moments later she removed the wand and turned off the screen, then covered Gwen’s legs and moved off to the side. “I couldn’t detect a gestational sac with the ultrasound, but don’t worry,” she added quickly. “It might just be a bit too early. Usually we can detect them around 5-6 weeks, definitely by 7. But the fact we can’t see one yet isn’t necessary a sign of miscarriage.” Nik was watching Gwen’s face and saw her take a deep breath. He squeezed her hand reassuringly and she squeezed back. It meant a lot that she knew how hard this was for him too and was cognizant enough of his feelings to try to make him feel better even while she was feeling so terrified herself. 

“You should know that 20-25% of women have some spotting or bleeding during their pregnancy. That means this isn’t uncommon. We see it all the time. Many women who have some light bleeding go on to carry their baby to term,” she said gently. 

“It wasn’t light, there was a lot of blood,” Gwen muttered sadly. 

“Was the toilet full of blood? Or were there any large clots?” The doctor asked. 

“No, just a big stain in my underwear and some more when I wiped,” Gwen said with a sniff. Nik could see her eyes were welling up with tears. 

“I know this is scary, and it probably seemed like a lot of blood when you were shocked and terrified, but I can assure you that it wasn’t much at all,” she said, reaching out to pat Gwen’s knee. “By the time I was done the ultrasound the bleeding seemed to have stopped. But don’t be surprised if you have another episode or two of more light spotting.” 

“More?” Gwen gasped. “That can’t be good.”

“It’s okay. I promise. Usually when women have some spotting it’s almost like a very light period that lasts for 2-3 days and then it stops and everything is fine.” Nik could tell that Gwen wasn’t processing the doctor’s reassurance well at all. 

“So how do we know for sure?” Nik asked. “If, uh, if she’s still -“ his voice trailed off. So far he hasn’t heard anything concrete and he knew Gwen would be just as desperate as him to know what was going on. 

“I’m going to take some blood and have the lab run an hCG test,” she explained. “It tests the level of the pregnancy hormone called Human Chorionic Gonadotropin. When you’re pregnant the levels increase daily and double every 2-3 days. So we will need you to come back in two days to repeat the test and we will compare the numbers to confirm the pregnancy.” 

“So we won’t know anything for two days?” Gwen said, looking sick. 

“Unfortunately no,” the doctor replied sadly. “There’s no need to limit your activity, other than refraining from intercourse when you’re bleeding. But some women prefer to just take it easy between tests for their own peace of mind. Nothing in your normal daily activity will cause you to lose the baby, and there’s no proof that stress causes miscarriages either, but we do know stress isn’t good for your overall health so please try your best not to worry too much. It’s out of your hands right now, it’s a waiting game, so find things to distract yourself and pass the time.” 

“I can’t do this,” Gwen moaned, as tears rolled down her cheeks. Nik leaned over and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her against his chest. 

“Yes you can, you’re stronger than you know,” he whispered, kissing the side of her face. 

“He’s right,” the doctor agreed, giving them both a smile. “You’ve been through a lot to get this far and you’re going to survive the rest.” She stood up. “I’m just going to go get the supplies to collect a blood sample and you can head home and get some sleep.” 

She was back less than a minute later and took a quick blood sample. Then Nik helped Gwen get dressed again and they headed back home. “What do you need?” He asked, once she was settled in bed. 

“I don’t know,” she muttered. 

“I’m going to make you some tea to help you relax,” he announced, heading to the kitchen before she could say no. When he returned Gwen was on her side, hugging a pillow. 

“I’m so sorry,” she sniffled, as he came around to her side of the bed and put down the tea. “What if I’ve lost our baby?” There were tears rolling down her cheeks and his heart hurt so bad for her. 

“We really shouldn’t worry about what ifs right now, but if the worst happens - we’ll get through it. I love you, so much, and if this isn’t our time to have a child together it’s okay,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Nik, this will destroy me. This is literally my worst nightmare coming true.” Her blue eyes were filled with tears. 

“We don’t know anything yet, you have to stop acting like it’s already happening,” he said gently, as he stroked her hair back off her face. “I’ll be here for you no matter what, I swear,” he whispered, placing a kiss on her temple. 

“You can’t be in two places at once,” she muttered. 

It took him a minute to realize what she was talking about. “Oh my God, you don’t actually think I’m still going back to Copenhagen in the morning do you?” 

“You have to, you promised your daughters,” she stated eerily calmly. 

“I’ll tell them something came up and I need to stay here for a couple more days,” he insisted. 

“And then what happens if I lost the baby and I need you more than ever?” She asked.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. But for right now I’m going to stay by your side and annoy the fuck out of you for two long, painful days, until we know what’s going on,” he said, trying a smile out on her. “In fact, I’m going to call Filippa right now and let her know I can’t make it home tomorrow.”

Gwen actually returned the smile as he reached for his phone and started to dial. “Hey dad, what’s up?” His daughter answered in Danish. 

“I’m so sorry to do this but something has come up here in London that I need to deal with so I won’t be able to come home for a couple more days,” he replied back in his native language. 

“Oh,” the disappointment in her voice was evident. “But we had dinner planned with Safi and -“

“I know,” he interrupted, trying to keep his voice gentle. “I promise I’ll make it up to you both.”

“Yeah, haven’t heard that before,” she muttered sarcastically. 

“Filippa,” he snapped. “I’ll explain everything when I see you, but for now you just need to trust me. I can’t leave her right now.”

“Her? Who’s her? What’s going on?” His slip of the tongue was a big one. 

“I didn’t mean her, I meant London, the city, I can’t leave her, you know?” He tried to backtrack. 

“This is about Gwen, isn’t it?” Filippa snapped. “You’re choosing her over us, yet again.” 

“Enough,” he growled. He knew he was being an asshole but with the emotional toll of the evening he just didn’t have it in him to play nice. “I told you I’ll explain everything when I see you.” 

“Yeah, fine, whatever,” Filippa replied dismissively. “See you sometime I guess.” Before he could even say goodbye she hung up on him. 

“That went well,” he mumbled sarcastically.

“Nik, just go,” Gwen said softly. “I’ll be okay. I can go see my mum.” 

He shook his head and pulled her in for a hug. “I need you, probably even more than you need me,” Nik said, clinging to her. “It’ll all be fine in a few more days when I explain everything.” He hugged her tightly, taking in the warmth and comfort of her embrace, all while trying to convince himself that everything really would be okay.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little nod to Succession in this chapter for all the fans of the show out there 😊 
> 
> Also, I know blood test results aren’t actually as quick as I’m making them in this fic, but I guess it’s like the super speed the characters were able to travel in the last season of GOT 😂 
> 
> Lastly, I want to offer a slight trigger warning with this chapter. I’ll add end notes and summarize the trigger so if you’re at all concerned you might be bothered by it you can go read the end notes first and decide if you want to read the chapter.

The next morning Nik called Filippa again. With most people he was far more stubborn and he didn’t give in, or apologize, or grovel. But with Filippa he had a soft spot, similar to the one he had for Gwen. Safina was too much like him, stubborn as a mule, and they butted heads so they often would just wait each other out for days until one of them finally caved. 

“I’m sorry about last night,” he said. 

“I’m sorry too,” she sighed. “I shouldn’t have got so upset and I shouldn’t have hung up on you.” 

“I love you, you know that right?” Nik said, wishing he could be there to give his little girl a hug. Even though she was all grown up she would always be his baby. 

“I know you do, I love you too, but I just don’t understand your behavior sometimes,” Filippa replied, sounding ironically like the parent. 

“Sometimes you have to just trust me - I promise you I’ll explain everything when I come home - it’s just not something I can do over the phone,” he explained, hoping she would accept that. 

“Dad, I’m scared,” she admitted. “Whatever this is - it’s clearly something huge - it uh, it reminds me of when you and mom split up.” 

“It’s nothing like that,” he assured her. “Just forget about it for now and stop worrying.” He knew that Filippa would fixate on it and stress herself out no matter what he said. He couldn’t do anything to stop it but try to assure her it would all be fine. 

“I haven’t told Safina that you’re not coming home today. Can you call her yourself?” Filippa asked. 

“Yeah, sure. Of course. Love you sweetie. I’ll let you know when I’ll be home.” They said goodbye and he took a drink of his coffee and then called Safina. It went to her voicemail so he left a message filling her in. Safina was more of a wildcard than Filippa. With his oldest he knew what to expect, but Safi could be moody and unpredictable. There was a chance she wouldn’t care in the least, but an equal chance she would fly off the handle and refuse to speak to him for days and days. 

“Everything okay now?” Gwen asked, wandering into the kitchen. He’d let her sleep in and slipped out close to an hour earlier. He decided it was a good sign that she was still exhausted and needed extra sleep, even though it was likely from the trauma of the day before as much as the pregnancy. 

“I didn’t get to talk to Safina, but Filippa and I made up,” he informed her. “How are you? Do you want me to make you something to eat?” 

Gwen shook her head. “No thanks. I feel queasy right now. Maybe a little later.” He decided to also take that as a good sign. The only way he was going to survive the next couple of days was to stay optimistic. 

“What do you want to do today?” Nik asked, unsure if she was leaning towards rest and relaxation or going out and doing something to kill some time. 

“Can we just find something good to binge and not leave the living room for the entire day until it’s time to go to bed?” She asked. “Pathetic, I know, but I feel like getting lost in someone else’s problems is the only way I’m going to survive.” 

“Sure. But you realize it’s going to take us 6 hours to agree on something, right?” He teased. Their taste in movies and TV shows was quite different. 

“Not true,” she replied, joining him at the table with the tea she just made herself. “We talked the other day about a series we have both been wanting to watch.” 

Nik thought for a moment. “Oh right, Succession.” She nodded. “Well that was way too easy.”

“Don’t get used to it, we haven’t tried to figure out where to go for dinner or what color to paint the baby’s room.” He felt little flutter at the thought of having those kinds of conversations with her. They were a couple. A real couple. And they were having a baby. It was hard to believe. “I mean, if we even need a baby’s ro-“ Her voice caught in her throat and came out as a sob. 

“Gwen,” he said, reaching for her hand. “We don’t know anything. So for now let’s just stay positive.” 

“There was more blood this morning,” she mumbled. “Not a lot, but some.”

“The doctor said to expect that.” He squeezed her hand. “Come on, bring your tea and let’s go watch a show about a bunch of rich assholes and feel better about ourselves.” He knew she needed the distraction right away, before she went down a dark path and ended up crying most of the day. 

They literally spend the next two days watching every episode of Succession, taking some time in between to discuss the show. He loved hearing her insights and what she liked and disliked about the episode. She was so smart and deep, and she made him think. She also pointed out things he likely wouldn’t have noticed. Nik’s observations were more about the acting and technical aspect than the characters and storyline. But it made for great conversation talking to someone who knew the ins and outs as well as he did. 

By the end of the series they both agreed that the show deserved the awards and accolades it had received. It was ironically the next big HBO hit after Thrones and once again HBO was racking up the Emmys. 

Two days later it was finally time. Nik had tossed and turned half the night and he knew Gwen hadn’t slept much better at first, but she was still sound asleep the next morning and he hated to wake her. He was already showered and dressed and they had to be at the clinic in less than an hour. 

He leaned over her and put his hands on both sides of her head, then placed a soft kiss on her lips. “Mmm,” she groaned, stretching a bit. Her perfect, stunning eyes fluttered open just as he moved in to kiss her again. When he licked her lips she instinctively opened her mouth and then quickly shoved him away. “You taste like mint. Oh my god, you’re all ready to go.” She sat up in bed. “What time is it?” She glanced at the clock and flung back her covers. “Holy fuck. Why didn’t you wake me earlier? We’re going to be late.” 

“I’m ready to go,” he said with a shrug. When she pulled off her shirt and threw it at him Nik caught it with a smile. “I’ll go make you a tea in a to-go mug. You want any food?”

“Fuck no,” she called out from the bathroom, where she had already turned on the shower. “I’ll be ready in 20 minutes.” 

Somehow they managed to make it to the clinic 10 minutes before their scheduled appointment time, and were taken right in as soon as they arrived. A technician came in and drew blood and the wait began again. “How can this feel like it’s taking even longer than the two days we’ve already waited?” Gwen moaned, pacing around the exam room. 

“Want to play scrabble on our phones?” Nik asked, trying to think of something that would distract her. 

“No,” she sighed. 

“Listen to some music?” He tried again. 

“Nope,” she sank into the nearest chair. 

“We could go for a walk and come back,” he suggested. 

She gave him a look. “Yeah, the last thing I need right now is to have people asking for selfies in the street.” 

“Well, uh, what about -“

“Just stop talking,” she snapped. Less than two minutes later. “Oh my God, say something. Anything. It’s too quiet.”

Nik couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. “I don’t know what to say,” he muttered. 

“Just talk about something, anything,” she moaned. 

“Well, uh, I was reading this article last night about the glaciers in -“

“No, not that, please. Something else,” she groaned. 

“You’re lucky I love you,” he mumbled. What else? What could he talk about that would interest her? “GQ asked me to do a photoshoot next month,” Nik said, hoping fashion talk might do the trick. 

“Really? Where?” She asked, looking interested. 

“L.A.” She instantly looked like she was going to cry. “But I haven’t agreed. I mean, you could come, or I wouldn’t be gone long -“ He was seriously scrambling. “Whatever you want. You choose.”

“I can’t decide anything until we know,” she sniffed. 

Nik got up and walked over to her. “Any minute now, okay? Any minute.” He stood in front of her and hugged against his stomach, rubbing her back soothingly. 

He was still hugging her when there was a light knock on the door and the doctor appeared. Nik immediately found himself trying to read the doctor’s face. Did she seem like she had bad news or good news? 

“So I have the results,” she started. Nik took a seat beside Gwen and reached for her hand. He needed the comfort of touching her. “Good news. You’re definitely still pregnant.” 

Gwen sobbed and reached for him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she muttered, clinging to him. Nik was overcome with far more emotion than he could have prepared himself for. The relief, the joy, the utter bliss of hearing the best news ever - it hit him hard and tears sprung to his eyes. They were still having a baby. Their hopes and dreams were still coming true. 

The doctor gave them a minute to get everything out and gather themselves before she continued. “There were some abnormalities with the numbers though. The hormone levels should be close to double every 48 hours or so and while yours are rising, they weren’t close to doubling.”

“Wha - What does that mean?” Gwen stammered. “Is there something wrong with the baby?” 

Panic was rising inside Nik and he struggled to control it. “Well, your situation was very unique,” the doctor started. “It could be related to the medication you were taking or -“ she paused. “There’s a chance that both of the embryos implanted initially.” 

His head was swirling and he couldn’t make sense of what the doctor was trying to explain. He also couldn’t seem to formulate words to ask for clarification. Thankfully Gwen was keeping it together better than him. “So you’re saying I was having twins - and - now I’m not? Is the other baby safe? Does this mean there’s a higher risk of losing it too?” 

The doctor was shaking her head. “We don’t even know for sure and likely will never know, it’s just that the numbers suggest something a bit abnormal. But it’s not uncommon for a woman to lose one twin and go on to carry the other to full term. In fact, it’s believed to be far more common than we will ever know.” 

The conversation between Gwen and the doctor continued, but Nik couldn’t hear it any longer. They lost a baby. But they were still having a baby. He didn’t know whether to be excited or to grieve the child who didn’t make it more than a few weeks. 

He was in a trance and a while later he realized he was back in the car, with no memory of leaving the clinic. “Nik? Talk to me. You have barely said two words since we found out the results.” 

He turned to face her. “We’re having a baby,” he whispered, allowing himself to smile briefly. But the pain of the other side of the coin soon caught up. “But we also lost a baby too.” Gwen reached for him, slipping her hand around the back of his neck to draw him closer. She rested her forehead on his and just stayed there silently, allowing him to take in the comfort and draw from her strength. 

“I love you,” she whispered. Somehow those three little words were like a bandaid on his heart and everything hurt a little less. But the pain was still there and he wasn’t sure it would ever go away completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential trigger: The doctor explains that there are abnormalities with the hormone levels that could indicate Gwen was pregnant with twins and lost one of them. It’s inconclusive but a possibility.


	20. Chapter 20

Seeing Nikolaj so affected by the news was difficult for Gwen. The strongest emotion she was feeling was complete and utter joy that she was still pregnant, yet there was a darkness looming over that feeling. She felt guilty for not being more upset by the possibility that they lost a child and she also felt a bit annoyed that she couldn’t fully enjoy the happiness of the amazing news they had received. She knew Nik needed her support though, so she pushed her own feelings aside and focused on him. 

“Do you think it might help if we did something special tonight? Like a memorial? Or we could pick a name - I mean, we have no idea if it was male or female, but we could pick something androgynous,” she suggested. 

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, his eyes focused on the road. “Maybe.” 

“It might bring you some closure,” she said softly. 

“Me? Not us?” he snapped, glancing over at her quickly. “Why isn’t this bothering you like it’s bothering me?” 

Here we go, she thought. “Nik, we don’t even know for sure. The doctor said there was no way to tell. Maybe my hormone levels were off because of the medication I was on, or because of the menopause.” She saw him take a long deep breath, but he didn’t speak. “Is it so awful that I just want to be happy?” she continued. “We both know that stress isn’t good during pregnancy anyway.” His shoulders sunk a little and she realized she was probably laying a guilt trip on him, but she was just being honest. “Isn’t the most important thing that I’m still pregnant? Isn’t that what we should be focussing on? Instead of thinking about something sad and tragic that may or may not even be true.” 

“I know you’re right,” he conceded. “But I just can’t push these feelings aside. I’ll try though, I will, because I don’t want you feeling stressed.” 

“You don’t have to pretend, you can’t help how you feel,” she said gently. “Just don’t be mad that I feel differently. Please understand where I’m coming from? I can’t stress over something that isn’t even certain. I just want to focus on the fact that we still have a chance. It’s not over.” 

Nik reached over and took her hand. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I understand.” He squeezed her hand. “We have a lot to be thankful for, so I will try to focus on that too.” 

“Thank you,” she said, appreciatively. “So, now that everything is okay will you head back to Denmark tomorrow?” 

He sighed wearily. “Yes, I guess I should. As long as you are okay with me leaving for a few days?” There was something in his voice that sounded like he was hoping she wanted him to stay, but she knew it was just anxiety about telling his daughters the truth. He needed to do it though, just like she needed to tell her mum. 

“You have to tell them,” Gwen said, glancing over to see his reaction. 

“I know, I know,” he sighed. “I guess I should probably call Nukaka today too and prepare her.” She felt some mixed emotions about Nik’s ex wife knowing about the pregnancy. It likely wasn’t going to be welcome news for Nukaka, even though Nik seemed to think she was over him and quite happy back in her home, surrounded by family. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by a text message from her PR manager. _Call me as soon as you can._ “I wonder what that’s about?” She muttered. 

“What’s wrong?” Nik asked. 

“My PR team wants me to call them,” she explained. 

“Well that’s a bit odd since you haven’t been working lately,” he said, echoing her thoughts and making the knot in her stomach tighten even more. “Are you going to call now?” 

They were only about 10 minutes from her place. “I’ll wait until we’re home,” she replied. 

“Shit,” Nik muttered. “I think someone is calling me.” He scrambled to get his phone out of his pocket while driving. 

“That would be easier if your jeans weren’t so tight,” she teased. 

“I thought you liked my skinny jeans.” He laughed, finally pulling the phone out. He glanced at it quickly and she saw his face go pale. 

Her stomach lurched. “What’s wrong?” 

Nik passed her the phone. “Read the text message and see what’s going on,” he said, sounding every bit as nervous as she felt. 

With a shaking hand she took the phone. She didn’t have to read the text to know what was happening when she saw the link someone had sent him. “No, no, no,” she muttered as it all started to make sense. 

“Gwen? What’s going on? What does it say?” She could see his knuckles turning white as his grip on the steering wheel got tighter. 

“Is there a baby in the future for Game of Thrones co-stars Gwendoline Christie and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau,” she read the headline. 

“What the fuck?” He muttered, his jaw clenching with anger. “How?” 

Gwen quickly opened the article and scanned it. “Apparently an ‘anonymous source close to the couple’ gave them the story,” she whispered. 

“But you and I are the only ones who know,” he snapped. “No one even knows we’re together.” 

“Yes, so obviously the anonymous source is bullshit, but how would they have found out? The clinic has confidentiality clauses with employees. If someone leaked it they could go to jail.” Her head was spinning, thoughts going off in all different directions. 

“The surrogate?” Nik asked. 

“No way,” she replied confidently. “I trust her completely. She was devastated that the embryos didn’t take. There’s no way she would turn on me and do something like this.” 

“Is this out there? Is it blowing up?” He asked. His face was etched with concern and she knew exactly what was on his mind. He desperately did not want his daughters to find out this way. 

Gwen opened her Instagram account and saw hundreds of notifications. “Oh it’s out there,” she whispered sadly. “Fans have already caught a whiff of the news.” 

“Fuck,” he yelled, slamming his hands on the steering wheel in anger. 

“Nik,” she said, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “I don’t like this either, but we will sort it out, it’s going to be okay.”

“Easy for you to say,” he sneered angrily. 

“Fuck you,” she snapped, as they pulled into her drive. The second he stopped the car she jumped out and stormed into the house, ignoring whatever he was calling out from behind her. She understood that he was upset, but so was she and he didn’t need to take it out on her. 

“Gwen, I’m sorry,” she heard him say. “I didn’t - “. He set the keys down and she immediately picked them up. “Wait, where are you going?” 

“I’m going to tell my mum that she’s going to be a granny before she hears it from one of her gossip mates.” She started to walk away but he caught her wrist. “Don’t,” she said, ripping it from his grasp. 

“Gwen, please -“ he tried again, but she wasn’t having any of it. She started to walk away again. “Let me come with you,” he called out. That stopped her in her tracks. “Let me be there when you tell her that we’re having a baby.”

She turned slowly. “You want to be there? Are you sure?” 

He ran his hands through his hair. “I know our situation is strange and this might not be the way your mum would have wanted things to go for her daughter, but we love each other and we’re having a baby - together. I want her to see for herself that I’m committed. I’ll be here for you and for her future grandchild.” He paused and explained himself further. “With the news coming out this way and the fact that our privacy has been completely lost I think it’s even more important for her to see us united. Does that make sense?” Gwen nodded. It made perfect sense and it also explained her thoughts about why he hadn’t asked to go with her before now. 

“Okay. Let’s go,” she said, turning to leave, with him following behind this time. “Maybe on the drive we can discuss how we want our PR teams to respond to the article.” 

They got in the car, with her driving this time and headed off towards her mum’s place. “I don’t think there’s any point in trying to deny it, do you?” he asked. 

Gwen shook her head. “Denial would be silly, when people will find out eventually as I start showing. But it just makes me so angry that the chance to tell people on our terms, when the timing is right for us, was taken out of our hands.” 

“What if we completely ignore it like we always did with those rumors about us in the past?” he suggested. 

“That’s kind of where I was - “ she started to say when Nik’s phone started buzzing in his hand. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he grumbled. “It’s Filippa.” She glanced over at him with genuine sadness. Nothing so far was going as planned. It was like if they made any sort of plan something came along and fucked it all up - right from the start. “Hi,” he said, answering the phone, trying to sound cheerful. That didn’t last long at all. Gwen didn’t know what exactly was being said because he was speaking in Danish, but it was pretty easy to get the gist of it. 

Filippa had clearly seen the news and was not happy about it at all. Though, Gwen couldn’t exactly tell if she was pissed off about the news itself or the fact that she found out the way she did. She wished for the latter because she really hoped that her baby would grow up with big sisters that cared about him or her and wanted to be a part of their life. 

When he finally hung up he let out a long sigh. “I’m so sorry,” Gwen whispered. 

“As bad as that might have sounded, I actually feel better about talking with her and Safina tomorrow,” he admitted. “There was something strange in her voice that I wasn’t expecting. Almost as if she was excited about the baby perhaps. Or maybe I’m just being overly hopeful. And there’s still Safina, who is always a wildcard.” 

“The more I think about it, the more angry I get,” Gwen said, getting back to their conversation before Filippa had called. “I feel so exposed and violated. This was our news to share. It was ours and no one else’s. Now we have lost control and it’s just not fair. Why are people so cruel? Why do they think it’s okay to take something so personal and put it out there for the world to see? Don’t they understand that we will tell people when we’re ready? Now I’m just going to be even more paranoid about losing - ” 

“Stop,” he interrupted, before she could express her worst fear yet again. “Yes, it sucks. It’s awful that because we’re celebrities people want to know everything about us and that people get paid to dig up juicy gossip or to get photographs of us. But that’s not going to change and we can’t let it run our lives. I’m happy. You’re happy. Us. We. You and I.” His phone rang again. “What the fuck,” he moaned. “This day just keeps getting better,” he said sarcastically. Gwen smirked at the irony of how he’d just been talking about how happy they were. “It’s my ex wife,” he sighed. “Well, might as well get this over with I guess.” 

Nik was still on the phone when she pulled up to her mum’s so while she was waiting she took her own phone out of her purse. She felt her stomach lurch yet again when she looked at it. She had it set to ‘do not disturb’ while driving so she didn’t get any notification sounds. But they were all right there on the screen. A missed call from her PR, missed calls from 3 friends, including Giles, 12 text messages and countless Instagram and twitter notifications. It wasn’t just blowing up it was explaining and she felt on the verge of complete panic. 

Gwen didn’t even realize she was hyperventilating until she heard Nik’s voice telling her to breathe. “Look at me. Look at me, that’s it.” She turned her head and he was smiling at her. “It’s going to be fine. I’m here. We’ll get through this together.” Then his phone buzzed again. “Fuck me.” 

They stared at one another and suddenly she just burst out laughing. It was hysterical and loud, but it felt so good. She laughed to the point of tears. Eventually he started to laugh with her - once his concern wore off and he realized she was actually okay. “Give me your phone,” she finally said. When he handed it over she turned it off and then turned off hers too. “Come on, my mom is going to be so excited to see you. I think she has a crush.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while! I’m sorry. I started this chapter ages ago and wasn’t feeling it but I pushed through. Hopefully the next chapter will be a little better and then maybe a bit of a time skip :)

“Well that is quite the story - I need a drink,” Gwen’s mum Philippa announced, standing up. 

“Mum, it’s not even 11am yet,” Gwen quipped. 

“It’s okay lovey, I’ll bring you a nice cold glass of lemonade.” She turned to Nikolaj and her voice got sickeningly sweet. Gwen rolled her eyes. “Nikolaj darling, what can I bring you? Vodka? Whiskey? Rum?” 

Nik’s gaze shifted to Gwen and he stammered awkwardly. “Uh, um, yeah, maybe just a glass of water?” 

“Whiskey it is,” her mum replied, heading out of the living room to fetch their drinks. 

“I think she’s in shock,” Gwen whispered. “She’s not even much of a drinker. I mean, she has her moments, but they aren’t usually at 10 in the morning.” She was wringing her hands nervously. It wasn’t the reaction she had been expecting from her mum at all and she didn’t know how to take it. “How does she seem to you?” She asked softly. 

“She’s delightful,” he replied with a smile. It was absolutely genuine. Nik really did love her mum. But what was not to love? She doted on him like he was the King of England. It was cute, but also a bit nauseating after a while. The important part was that they both liked each other, Gwen made sure to remind herself of that anytime she was feeling anything but pleasant. Other than the fact that Nik pronounced her mum’s name wrong because he was used to his daughter’s version of Filippa, everything was pretty much perfect.

“But how do you think she took it?” Gwen pressed in a hushed whisper. 

“Well, it is a pretty crazy story. I’m sure she just needs a second - and apparently a shot or two - to process it,” he said with a reassuring smile. 

A few seconds later her mum came racing back into the room and flew at her with a hug and tears. “I am so happy for you,” she gushed, hugging Gwen’s head against her chest. “I reacted horribly, I’m so sorry,” she mumbled, as she stroked Gwen’s hair softly. “I’m going to be a nana,” she added with a sniff. “I can’t believe it.” Gwen hugged her mum back as she was filled with relief. This was more the reaction she was expecting and exactly what she needed. No matter how old a girl gets she always needs the unconditional love and support from her mum when life gets a little tricky. 

“Does this mean I’m not getting that whiskey?” Nik joked a few minutes later, breaking up the sniffling love fest when they all started laughing. 

Philippa sat back down and they all had a really open and honest conversation, that included more tears and more laughter. “I want you to know that I’m madly in love with your daughter and our baby - and I’m going to fully support them both. I’m committed. I’m all in. And I’m ridiculously excited to be a father again.” When Nik spoke those words to her mum it was instant waterworks for Gwen. She knew it was all true and she’d known for a while, but the fact that he was saying it out loud, and making sure her mum knew how he felt too - it was just so special and touching. 

“I’m so happy for the two of you,” Philippa said. “If there’s anything you need from me - don’t hesitate to ask. I know the next few months will be really stressful - especially with the media getting wind of this, but just remember how it feels when you look into each other’s eyes. Hold onto that whenever times get tough.” 

“Okay, enough with the sentimental crap. I can’t cry anymore,” Gwen moaned. 

“Well then let’s talk about what’s next?” Philippa said. “You have a lot of decisions to make about how you want to proceed. I know you’re both private people so how are you going to handle the article?” 

“We haven’t really had a chance to decide, it all happened so fast,” Nik replied. “What are your thoughts?” he asked. Gwen gave him a tiny smile, grateful he was comfortable asking her mum’s advice because she would have done the exact same thing. 

“Embrace it,” she said, with brutal honesty. Her mum had never been one to beat around the bush. She was direct and straightforward. “It’s out there now. People know. I’m not saying you need to appear on chat shows or do interviews with magazines - no one needs to know the details. But if you’re happy about this, and I know you both are - then just be happy. Love each other. Love this baby. Don’t try to hide that just because you’re pissed off things didn’t come out the way you wanted them to.” 

“But what if I lose - “ Gwen started to say. 

“Stop,” Philippa and Nik both said at the same time. “That’s always a risk when a woman is pregnant and there is no correlation with who knows about it and miscarriages,” Philippa continued. “If the worst happens, God forbid, then you take comfort in the love, support, and prayers that will come your way from the people who love you the most, and the strangers who look up to you.” 

When her and Nik were alone in the car driving home they continued with a more concrete plan. “So we tell our PR reps to confirm the pregnancy and refuse further comment?” Gwen asked. 

“Sounds fair to me,” he replied. “Is there anything you want to do beyond that? Anything on our personal social media?” 

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that quite yet,” she said with a sigh. “Let’s get through the next few weeks first, okay? We still have a lot of family and friends that we need to tell personally and then when we’re a little more settled and less rattled we can broach that idea.” 

“I’m scared to turn my phone back on,” he admitted. 

Gwen shuddered. “Me too. But we have to face it eventually. How about we grab some take out on the way home and then get comfy on the couch, turn our phones back on and see who can get through their messages first?” 

Nik laughed. “We both know who will finish first. You can text 100 times faster than I can and if it’s a competition you’ll be all cutthroat about it.” 

“Well you can at least try to give me a run for my money, but of course I’ll win,” she said smugly. They were both right. Nik was still making phone calls when she was all done. It was an exhausting and emotional few hours, but she’d certainly been through worse in the past few weeks. The love and support she felt from the amazing people in her life was incredible, but it got old explaining the same story a million times. 

As Nik was talking to someone on the phone in Danish she slipped under his arm and snuggled up to him on the couch. She saw him smile and as soon as he stopped talking he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. When he finally hung up he set his phone aside and gave her all his attention. “I’m going to miss you,” he said softly. 

“Me too,” she replied, closing her eyes as she tucked her face into the crook of his neck. She loved his scent and she breathed him in. He would only be gone a few days, but she really loved having him close. She’d never really been the codependent type so Gwen knew she would be just fine, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t miss him and wish he was still with her. 

“Have you let yourself think ahead?” he asked, while stroking her hair. “Like, can you imagine where we’ll be in a year?” 

“Probably sleep deprived with sore, cracked nipples,” she mumbled softly. 

“Is that me or you?” he joked. She was so tired all she could muster was a smile in response. “Come on, let’s get to bed so I can spend a little longer in your arms before I deal with - “ A knock on the door interrupted him. “Expecting anyone?” Gwen shook her head and sat up so Nik could go answer the door. He returned a moment later with a huge bouquet of flowers. 

“Oh wow, that’s gorgeous,” she commented, leaning over to sniff the arrangement he set on the table. “Who is it from?” 

Nik reached for the card and pulled it out. Then he flipped it over and looked at the back. “It doesn’t say. Just - Congratulations.” She tried to shake off the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. “It had to be someone who knows where you live,” Nik said encouragingly. He must have sensed her concern. “I’m sure they just forgot to sign the card.” She still felt weird about the whole thing. “I can call the flower company and try to find out if you’re really worried.”

“No, no - it’s fine. Really. I’m sure you’re right. It was probably someone that one of us talked to earlier and they just forgot to put a name on the card. No big deal.” She didn’t want Nik to worry about her or feel like he needed to stay. She knew how badly he wanted to see his daughters and talk to them about everything that was going on. He needed it, as soon as possible, and if he was worried she wasn’t going to be comfortable alone he would change his plans again. “Come on, let’s get to bed so you don’t sleep in and miss that flight in the morning.” She took his hand and led him to the bedroom. 

Somehow she managed to bury the anxiety she was feeling over the flowers and hide her worry from Nik until he was fast asleep and she was wide awake texting friends to ask if they had sent flowers. She tried everyone she could think of and it wasn’t anyone who answered. She finally put her phone down with a yawn and closed her eyes, hopeful that by the time she woke in the morning to see Nik off to the airport the mystery would be solved.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long. I’m hoping to update a little more regularly unless life gets in the way 😂 Hope you guys enjoy ❤️

Nik gave Gwen a call as he was walking through the airport towards the arrivals pick up area. “Hey, I’ve landed. How are you?” She groaned in response. “Gwen? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” 

“I’ll be fine,” she got out. “I’ve just had really bad nausea since I got back from taking you to Heathrow. I think I’m starting to get motion sickness from driving or something.” 

“Worse than the usual morning sickness you’ve been having?” he asked, feeling concerned. 

“A bit yeah. But don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Just focus on your girls right now and I promise I’ll just get lots of rest.” She was trying to ease his mind, but it wasn’t helping much. He hated that she was feeling awful while he was so far away and couldn’t look after her. 

“If you need me you call, promise me that,” he demanded stubbornly. 

Gwen was just as stubborn though. “I swear, but you have to promise you’ll stop worrying and enjoy your family time - I’ll be fine.”

“Deal,” he agreed. “Hey, did you figure out who sent the flowers?” 

There was a long pause. “No,” she said finally. 

“Gwen? What’s going on?” He was immediately struck with a wave of anxiety. 

“It’s not a big deal,” she said dismissively. “But there was another gift delivered today - and it wasn’t signed, just like the flowers.” 

His chest tightened. “What was it?” 

“Chocolates. Don’t worry, I threw them out. I’ll feel bad if we find out they were from a friend - but it’s just feeling a bit creepy and I didn’t want to take a chance. Am I being crazy?” she asked. 

“Not at all,” Nik said gently. “Should we file a police report?” he asked. 

“What do we tell them? Someone is sending us lovely gifts - please help?” she joked. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I really don’t want you to worry. When you get back in a few days we’ll sort it out.” 

Nik spotted Filippa and waved. “Okay. Be safe. I love you.” 

“Love you too, I hope everything goes well. Call me when you get a chance.” They said goodbye and he walked over and hugged his oldest daughter. 

“Safina is waiting at your place. I think she’s hungover,” Filippa informed him. 

Nik chuckled. “What’s new?” He wrapped his arm around Filippa as they walked to her car at the curb. “It’s so good to see you,” he said, giving her a squeeze. 

“You too,” she replied, with a soft smile. There was a bit of coldness to remind him that she was still angry with him, but there was also the familiar warmth they had always shared too which gave him comfort that no matter how she reacted to the whole story - they would get through it. 

Filippa drove and he sat quietly in the passenger's seat. He couldn’t get rid of the concern he was feeling over Gwen being so sick and the mysterious deliveries. “Okay, what’s going on? You haven’t made a single comment about my driving or told me what I’m doing wrong. Are you okay?” 

Nik smiled. “I’m sorry. Gwen’s been having pretty bad morning sickness.” He left out the part about the flowers and chocolate. He wasn’t sure what to make of that yet and didn’t want to worry Filippa unnecessarily. 

“Oh,” she said softly, clearly uncomfortable. “Um, maybe tell her to try skipping her prenatal vitamin for a few days and see if that makes a difference. Mia’s older sister had to quit taking hers because it made her so sick.” 

“Thank you,” Nik said gratefully. “I’ll text her now.” He looked over at his beautiful daughter and tried to put himself in her place. She didn’t even know the whole story yet but he understood her anger and why she might feel uncomfortable about the whole thing - he just hoped it wouldn’t last too long. 

As soon as they pulled up to the house and he stepped inside the need to get everything off his chest was overpowering. He hugged a queasy looking Safina and decided Filippa’s assessment was correct. “Come on, let’s go talk,” he said as soon as he released her. He dropped his bag by the door and led them to the kitchen. 

Once they were all sitting down at the table he started to speak and before he knew it the entire truth was spilled out before them. His girls were old and mature enough for him to lay out all the details about how Gwen had asked him to be a sperm donor and the plan for a surrogate, as well as the explanation about the embryos she’d had implanted and the medical details about how it was a long shot given the fact she was in menopause. 

“Once I found out that Gwen was pregnant everything changed,” he admitted. “It brought up feelings that were buried for a long time - for both of us.” He saw that one of his kids was smiling and the other had a scowl on her face. “So we made the decision to raise this baby together, as a family - a family that we both want the two of you to be a part of.” 

Filippa made a disgusted scoffing sound, but Safina reached across the table and took his hand. “I am really happy for you - for you and Gwen.” She smiled. “I finally get to be a big sister.” 

“It’s not all that exciting,” Filippa snapped, glaring at her younger sibling. “What is wrong with you? How are you okay with this?” 

Safina let go of his hand and turned stubbornly towards her sister. Nik just sat back and watched - he knew from experience there was no point in interfering with one of their quarrels. “How are you not?” Safina said, glaring right back. “Mom and Dad aren’t together anymore. They’re never getting back together, no matter how much you want it to happen. He deserves to be happy and if Gwen makes him happy - then great.” 

“But they’re having a baby,” Filippa hissed. “He’s old. People won’t be able to tell the difference between his kid and his grandkids.” 

Nik raised his eyebrows. He couldn’t help but interrupt. “Excuse me? Is there someone you want to share with us?” he teased. 

He intended it to be lighthearted fun, but it just made Filippa even more angry. “Of course not,” she growled. “But you know what I mean.” 

Safina jumped back in. “Would you just lighten up already?” He was honestly thankful he had one of his girls on his side. Nik wasn’t sure he could have handled having both of them angry with him. “Why can’t you just be happy for them?” 

“What about mom?” Filippa said with a slight warble in her voice. All these years and Nik honestly had no idea that she’d never got over the divorce. She’d never talked to him about it or showed any signs - but then again, he’d never asked and he hadn’t really dated anyone since that might bring up these feelings in her. 

“I talked to you mom already,” Nik said gently. “She knows everything. I wanted to make sure the two of you had her support if this conversation didn’t go well,” he admitted. “But you should call her too,” he suggested. “I think it would be good for both of you,” he added. 

“Why didn’t you tell us before? This all started weeks ago and I had to find out Gwen was pregnant from an article.” He saw a tear roll down Filippa’s cheek and it gave him a little comfort knowing that at least part of her anger was about how she’d found out. 

“It wasn’t my news at first,” he replied. “Initially I was just a donor and I didn’t know when or if Gwen was going to be ready to tell people the truth. But once we made the decision to raise the baby together I already had plans to come home and tell you both in person. But then Gwen had the bleeding incident and the article got out.” He sighed, “I’m sorry.” 

“Who is the anonymous source?” Safina asked. 

Nik shrugged. “We have no idea. We didn’t tell anyone. The only other person who knew was the surrogate and Gwen is adamant that she trusts her completely. The surrogacy agency and the fertility clinic are all bound by non disclosure and confidentiality agreements.” 

“So bizarre,” Safina muttered. 

“Who the fuck cares about all of this bullshit,” Filippa said, jumping up from the table as her chair flew back and toppled. “Why don’t you just go back to London and be with your new family. We’re fine without you.” With that she spun and raced out of the room. 

He stood up, his heart racing, and went to go after her but Safina grabbed his arm. “Just let her go,” she said, stopping him. Nik felt horrible seeing his daughter so upset. “Trust me. She just needs some time to calm down and I’ll go test the waters first - talk some sense into her. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” Safina stood up and gave him a hug - he didn’t know how badly he needed that hug until he was clinging to her with tears in his eyes. “I’m so happy for you Dad,” she whispered softly. “Fil will come around too.” 

She slowly released him and he looked down at her - his little firecracker was the most level headed one in the house right then. “I love you.” 

“Love you too,” she said with a smile. “Do me a favor? Go out and pick up something for lunch. I’m starving all of a sudden. I’ll give her a few more minutes and then go straighten her out. Actually, go to that place Filippa loves - maybe that will help with her bitchiness.” 

“Thank you,” he said, hugging her again. Nik grabbed his car keys and headed out. He gave Gwen a call while he was driving. “Hey,” he said with a sigh. 

“Oh no - that doesn’t sound good,” she replied. He quickly filled her in on how the conversation had gone. “Well it could have been worse I guess,” she said, sounding hopeful. “Maybe a nice lunch and another chat will do the trick, or maybe she just needs time and space. But I have no doubt from what you’ve said that she will come around eventually. It’s going to be okay.” 

Her reassurances helped ease his mind some, but the gnawing feeling in his stomach continued. “How are you feeling now?” 

“Better, but - “ Her voice trailed off. 

“But what? What now?” He wasn’t sure he could take much more anxiety. 

“Nik, listen - I don’t want you to freak out, but I’m packing my things and I’m going to stay with my Mum until you get back,” she said cautiously. 

“What? Why? What’s going on? Do I need to come back right now?” he said in panic, already looking for somewhere to turn around. 

“No, please don’t. I’ll be fine at my mum’s. Just look after your girls and spend some time with them and come back in a couple days like we planned.” He took a deep breath and kept driving. “I went out for a walk to get some fresh air and I felt like someone was following me for a bit. I didn’t actually see anyone, but it was just this feeling. I thought I was being crazy, but when I got home there was a little bag on the front step. It was a baby name book. No card. Nothing. Just the book in a little gift back,” she explained. 

“What the actual fuck,” Nik whispered. “We need to go to the cops with this. You should file a report, right away.” 

“We’ll go together as soon as you’re back, okay?” she requested. “I’ve been feeling yucky all day and the last thing I want to do is make a statement alone in a stuffy police station.” He didn’t pressure her. “I’ll be safe at my mum’s and we’ll sort this all out when you’re home.” 

“Home,” he repeated with a little smile. “I like the sound of that.” They chatted until he got to the restaurant and then said their goodbyes. She agreed to stay in touch with frequent texts and he promised he would call her at bedtime. “Be safe,” he said before hanging up, already hating the fact that a typical throw away statement meant so much more right then - and that he was too far away to protect her if anything went wrong.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun 🤔😂

“Oh God, he’s calling again,” Gwen groaned as she set down her fork and picked up her phone. 

“I think it’s sweet,” her mum replied. 

“Of course you do,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes at her mom. “Hello?”    
  
“Oh hey. How are you?” Nik asked, unable to hide the concern in his voice.    
  
“The same as I was 20 minutes ago when we hung up,” she snapped. 

“It was 45 minutes ago,” he corrected her. 

“Whatever,” she moaned. “I love you and I love talking to you but you need to stop being crazy.” She watched her mom’s face light up with amusement. “I’m safe. I’m fine. And if anything happens you’ll be the first to know - I promise.” 

“Well, if you give me a minute to speak I actually called for a different reason,” he huffed. 

“Okay, sorry, go ahead,” she drawled, pretty certain he was bullshitting her.    
  
“I just thought you might like to know that Filippa is coming around already,” he announced happily. 

“Are you serious? Less than an hour ago you said she was worse than ever.” Gwen wondered if it was just some wishful thinking on his part. 

“While I was talking to you, she was talking to her mother and I have no idea what exactly Nukaka said to her, but it worked. You would think it’s a completely different person,” he explained. “We had a really good heart to heart and she even asked if she could come visit after the baby is born, help out a little.” 

“Are you going to ask what changed? Or just leave it alone?” Gwen asked. She was a bit leery to get excited and feel relieved by such a quick 180, but she had to remember that most people weren’t nearly as stubborn as she was. 

“I can try to find out if you think I should, but she genuinely seems to be a different frame of mind. I know she was quite concerned about how her mom would feel about all of this, so maybe Nukaka eased her mind about that. I know Safina has been talking her down all day too, so it could be a combination of both,” he suggested. 

“Maybe it’s best not to ask any questions for now,” she replied. “I’m sure things will only improve as she has more time to process everything anyway.” She paused for a moment. “But if you think she’s in the right frame of mind to hear something from me, please thank her for the tip about the prenatals. I feel better than I have in a while since I skipped my vitamin this morning.” 

“I’ll tell her,” he said, sounding pleased. “I think she would love to hear that her advice was helpful, even if she’s still a little on edge.” 

“Any idea how long you’re going to stay?” She asked, wondering how many hundred phone calls she was going to get while he was away. 

“Maybe a couple more days if you’re sure you’re okay with your mum?” He sounded hesitant. 

“I’m fine,” she hissed, feeling exasperated. “I was just curious. I’ll have to go home and get a few more things.” 

“Please don’t go alone,” he said quickly. 

This time she actually agreed with him. “I won’t. Actually, I’m meeting Dan for lunch tomorrow so I’ll make my squire come with me,” Gwen teased. 

“Oh Daniel Portman, okay. I’m glad you clarified that. I was afraid you meant Douchey Dan,” Nik replied. She could actually see the scowl on his face as he referred to Dan Weiss, one of their Game of Thrones showrunners that Nik wasn’t very fond of. 

“You’re adorable,” she teased with a little laugh. She caught her mum’s eye and saw that ‘I told you so’ look on her face. After a minute or two more chatting they said goodbye and she hung up. “Don’t say a word,” she warned Philippa. They both laughed and went back to enjoying a nice dinner. 

A few hours later Gwen was laying in bed. Nik hadn’t called since dinner and she was feeling annoyed with him, and also annoyed with herself for being such a damn hypocrite. She grabbed her phone and texted him,  _ I’m horny.  _

His response was immediate,  _ Me too.  _ She actually hadn’t been turned on at all, she was only trying to get his attention.  _ Am I allowed to call?  _

Gwen didn’t bother answering, she just dialed him. “Your dick already in your hand?”

“Your vibrator already in yours?” Was his quick witted response. 

“What makes you think I would bring a sex toy to a sleepover at my mother’s place?” She asked, already reaching for her bag off the side of the bed. 

He chuckled and the sound of his low rumbling laugh made her squirm. “Because I know you.” 

Gwen smiled as her hand connected with what she was looking for. “I guess you do,” she cooed, as she lifted the vibrator to the phone and made it buzz for him to hear. 

“That’s my girl,” he said huskily. “You’re already wet too, aren’t you?” 

She slipped the toy between her legs and started to play with herself. She moaned as she pressed the tip inside herself, feeling the slickness of her natural lubrication as it penetrated her. “So wet,” she groaned. “Is your cock hard thinking about my hot, dripping pussy?” 

“Fuck, I was hard when I read your text,” he hissed. “I’m halfway done already.” 

“Tell me what you’d be doing to me right now if you were here,” she sighed. Her body was aching everywhere, so turned on, yearning for release. 

“I’d be watching you touch yourself,” Nik replied, surprising her. “I like seeing you masturbate, it’s so sexy. It helps me learn what you like.” Gwen let out a little whimper and started to gently move the toy over her clit. The vibrations were making her feel dizzy, almost delirious with pleasure. The sound of Nik’s voice on top of that was icing on the cake. “I’d stroke my dick while I watched. I’d feel it throbbing while I stared at your sweet pussy. I’d be able to smell you too,” he groaned. “And I would stroke myself faster thinking about how good you would taste.” Gwen whimpered again and squeezed the vibrator a little harder, increasing the buzz on her clit. 

“I’m gonna come,” she moaned truthfully. She’d gone from not being turned on at all to the verge of an orgasm in only a few minutes. The pregnancy hormones were insane - increasing her already high sex drive. “Faster, faster,” she cried, urging him right along with her. “Stroke it, stroke that big, hard cock.” Gwen almost dropped the phone as she reached her peak. “Fucking cum with me,” she gasped. “Yes, oh, yes.” Everything exploded and her body jolted as magical tingles of relief washed over her. She heard Nik grunt and moan softly and she smiled. Even though he was miles away, she loved that they had made each other come as easily as if they’d been together. 

“Please tell me your mum couldn’t hear any of that,” he whispered. 

“She’s downstairs on the other side of the house, we’re good,” Gwen assured him. “But what about on your end?” 

“The girls went out, I’m all alone,” he replied. “I was going to call but I didn’t want to annoy you more.”

“You weren’t annoying at all this time,” she teased. “But you can call as much as you want. I kind of missed your voice after a two hour break,” Gwen admitted. 

Nik yawned. “Shit, sorry. It’s been a long day.” 

“Get some sleep. We can talk in the morning.” They said their good nights and then Gwen cleaned the toy and got herself ready for bed. 

She tried to sleep, but wasn’t feeling tired yet so she opened Instagram and started scrolling. She liked a bunch of things and was just about to close the app when she got a notification for a DM. She hadn’t been reading her personal messages lately but for some reason she decided to open it. 

The message was long and before she started to read she assumed it would be just like many of the sweet notes she got from fans telling her how she and the character of Brienne had been inspiring to them or changed their life in some way. But a few words in she knew this message was nothing like that - it was a warning. 

Her heart started to race as she read what the fan had wrote: 

_ Dear Gwendoline, _

_ I was hesitant to reach out to you because I worry you’ll think I’m crazy but I just felt like I had to. I wanted to warn you about a fan of yours. Her name is Natalie, or you might know her as Nat. I know you have an idea of who I’m talking about because she came to your play a few years ago, like 9 or 10 times and met you at the stage door every night. She has also been to every fan convention you’ve ever attended. She gifted you a really expensive gold bracelet and I’m not sure if you know this or not, but she wears the same one herself. She also buys a lot of the clothes you wear, the same bags she sees you carrying and every pair of sunglasses she’s ever seen you in.  _

_ I know her behavior is weird and creepy but not exactly dangerous, which is why I didn’t say anything before now. But lately she’s crossed a line in my opinion and I just wanted you to know about it. She’s moved to London. And she’s telling people that she’s become friends with you. She even shared a selfie in our group chat and said the two of you had been out for dinner together.  _

_ This woman clearly needs help and I hope she gets it someday, somehow. But for now, I just wanted you to be aware in case she’s trying to stalk you or something.  _

_ Please, if you read this, I swear I’m not making any of this up. I just want you to be safe.  _

_ Wishing you and Nikolaj, and the little one on the way, all the best.  _

_ Reina.  _

_ PS one more thing - she somehow knew you were pregnant before the news came out in the media. We all assumed it was just speculation and a lucky guess, but now I’m not so sure. Be safe.  _

Gwen’s hands were shaking and the phone fell to the bed as she finished reading. All the anonymous gifts - could they be from this fan? Did this crazy woman know where she lived? Was she the anonymous source? There were so many questions, but the biggest of all was what to do with the new information and when to tell Nik what she’d learned. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to add - if there are any Gwen fans out there named Nat or Natalie - I’m not basing this on you LOL I used a random name generator to get both Natalie and Reina. 😊


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying the stalker side plot :) And hope you adore Daniel in this chapter as much as I do 😂😂

“You - look - “ Dan started.

“If you say glowing I’m going to punch you,” Gwen interrupted.

“I was going to say gorgeous - is that acceptable?” He asked, as he pulled her in for a hug. Gwen’s mum had some errands so she had dropped her off at the restaurant where Dan was waiting. 

It had been way too long since they’d seen each other and she hated that it took up most of their time at lunch just to get through her news. “And if all that isn’t enough,” she said after telling him all about the planned surrogacy and implanting some embryos in her and her and Nik discovering their feelings for each other. “It seems I may have a stalker,” she finished with a whisper and quick glance around to make sure no one was listening. “Weird things have been happening and then I got this DM from a fan warning me about another fan.” 

“You have to take those with a grain of salt,” Daniel warned. “It could just be jealousy.”

“Yes of course, and I normally would if it didn’t seem to fit with some strange things that have been happening lately.” She explained about the gifts and the feeling she was being watched or followed. “And there’s also the pregnancy. I have no idea how the media got ahold of the news, or who the source was. What if this girl has been following us around, somehow figured out I was going to a fertility clinic and made a lucky guess?” 

“It sounds like a stretch,” Daniel was still skeptical. “But it’s certainly possible. I guess I just have trouble wrapping my head around that kind of behavior. How can anyone in their right mind think it’s okay to invade someone’s privacy like that? I mean, I’ve heard the stories of some of the things Emilia and Sophie dealt with, but it’s just so ridiculous that I can’t properly comprehend it.” 

“I don’t think these people are in their right mind, which is what makes it all so scary,” Gwen sighed. “This girl the other fan warned me about -“ She paused and chose her words carefully. “She seems really sweet, but very self conscious. She’s told me on more than one occasion that she engages in self harm and that I have ‘saved’ her so many times. I believe she even went so far as to say she ‘owes me her life.’” Gwen shuddered at the thought. She was truly an empathetic and understanding person, but she had always been uncomfortable with the pressure of those types of statements. She was happy to be a role model for unconventional women, but it came with a lot of responsibility and she really didn’t want the weight of whether a person chose to live or die in her hands - especially when those people were often very fragile and could easily misinterpret things. 

“Well that sounds like full fledged crazy to me,” Dan said, looking horrified. She could tell he’d never had that type of encounter with a fan and she envied him. “Have you gone to the police yet? Maybe it’s time. I know I’ve completely changed my tune here, but this is all a bit much and I’m worried for your safety.” 

“I’m going to go as soon as Nik is back from Denmark,” she replied with a nod. “I didn’t want to do it alone.” 

“Have you interacted with this fan at all on social media lately?” He asked. 

Gwen shook her head. “Not lately. I haven’t been engaging with fans as much as I used to. I’ve been a bit preoccupied.” 

Dan took a second to think and then continued. “Do you think she’s angry because she thinks you’re ignoring her?” 

“I don’t sense any anger - not yet anyway. The gifts are all thoughtful and sweet, but it’s all just fucking creepy.” She got chill bumps thinking about the fact that this person knew where she lived and was leaving things at her house. “But this all leads to my question - after lunch will you come to my place with my while I get some things? I promised Nik I wouldn’t go alone.” 

Dan smiled. “Absolutely, it’ll be just like old times. The lady warrior and her trusty sidekick.” 

“I’m no Brienne of Tarth,” Gwen laughed. “But she did teach me a move or two.” 

Dan rested his chin on his hands and gazed at her. “I’m really happy for you,” he said. “I’m going to get sappy, which I never do, but just go with it,” he smiled. “I always knew there was something special between you and Nik, but the timing wasn’t right back then. I’m happy you finally found your way to each other. I think you have a beautiful future ahead of you.” 

She felt her nose start to tingle and she moaned. “Nooooo I don’t want to cry in public.” 

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he said with a chuckle. “But listen, when this baby is born you have to promise I can spoil it and that he or she will call me Uncle Dan.” 

“Deal,” she agreed. They chatted a little more and finished up lunch, then headed for their vehicles to drive to Gwen’s place. 

As soon as they were outside the restaurant Gwen started to dig in her purse to find her sunglasses. She heard some ask for a selfie with the two of them and before she could reply Dan was already saying sure. Her blood turned cold when she saw who it was. It was the possible stalker - Nat. “I just love you both so much,” she gushed, moving in between them for the photo. Gwen faked a smile for the picture and then moved away quickly. “Gwen, do you remember me?” She asked. “We’ve met quite a few times. You’re my inspiration,” she gushed. 

“Of course,” Gwen replied, forcing her voice to stay calm and pleasant. “I hope you’ve been keeping well.” 

“I’ve been great. I live here in London now and I love it so much.” She moved closer and Gwen resisted the urge to leap backwards. How many times had she given this woman a hug and had no idea what kind of crazy she was dealing with? Nat leaned in and Gwen gave her a quick squeeze, hoping it would be enough and she would leave her alone. “Congratulations to you and Nikolaj,” she whispered before letting her go. Gwen got the sense she might try to touch her stomach so she moved her purse to block the way and then tried to catch Daniel’s eye. 

“Well, we were just leaving. You take care,” Gwen said, pawing for Dan’s arm. 

“Bye,” she called after them. “Thanks for the selfie. Hope to see you again soon.” 

Gwen was clutching Dan’s arm as she dragged him around the corner of the building towards the parking lot. “Gwen? Are you okay?” He asked, stopping her. 

She could feel her entire body shaking as she nodded, trying to pretend it wasn’t affecting her as badly as it really was. “That was her,” she got out.

“What the fuck?” Dan snapped. “Why didn’t you say anything? Want me to go back and see if she’s still there?” He started to turn back but she grabbed him. 

“No please, just let her go, hopefully far away.” There was a wobble in her voice that gave away her fear. 

Dan pulled her in for a hug. “It’s okay,” he said soothingly. “Come on, let’s just get to your place and collect your things. Then I’ll drive you back to your mum’s where you’re safe.” 

They climbed into the car and once the doors were shut and she was bucked up she finally stopped shaking. “Am I being ridiculous?” She asked. “I mean, this woman hasn’t said or done anything threatening and I’m completely freaking out.” 

“If she’s leaving you gifts and if she tipped off the media about your pregnancy then she’s invading your privacy. The fact that she’s left things at your door - that she knows where you live - that in itself is cause for concern. Maybe we should go to the police now. I can take you. I can stay with you as long as you need me.”

Gwen sighed and shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I’ll just wait for Nik to come home.” She yawned. “I’ll need to do it in the morning anyway. I’ve been so tired lately I’m barely making it to dark before I’m ready for bed.” 

She could feel his concerned eyes on her. “Okay but promise you won’t go anywhere alone?”

“Oh god, not you too,” she moaned, but she followed it up with a smile. It was nice to know she had wonderful people in her life who cared so deeply for her. “I’m getting everything I need now and I won’t leave my mum’s until Nikolaj is home. I swear.” Daniel made her promise twice more before they got to her house. She was ready to throat punch him by the time he finally stopped. 

Gwen froze as they started down the front walk. She could already tell there was a note by the front door. “That’s it - you’re getting someone to install security cameras immediately,” Daniel snapped as he stormed up the front steps and picked up the envelope. 

He handed it to her when she joined him and Gwen let them inside before she opened it. “Oh my God,” she whispered as she pulled out what was inside. It was one of those paper chains of people holding hands but instead of each figure being the same it was a repeating series of a man and woman with a baby in between - and the figures were colored to look like her and Nik. In different circumstances it would have been really cool. 

“No note or name, just this,” she said holding up the chain for him to see. “Oh look it’s me, mum and dad,” he teased, getting a smile out of her. “Well, add that to the collection for the police I guess. And come on, we’re calling a company to set up installation of a door security cam.”

Gwen didn’t argue, she only wished she had thought of installing a camera earlier and felt a little foolish for not having one. But she had never thought there would be a reason to have one. She’d always felt safe and comfortable in her home and her neighborhood. 

They booked someone to come out three days later when Gwen was confident Nik would be back and the two of them would be home. Then he helped her find a bag and gather the things she needed. “You’re amazing,” she said, gazing fondly at him. “You’re going to be the best Uncle Dan in the world.”

“Damn straight I will,” he replied. “Now let’s get you back to your mum’s before you fall asleep and I have to carry you.” 

An hour later she was in her sweats, half asleep on the couch. Her mum hadn’t returned yet, but she knew no one would find her there. She was about to text Nik when a notification popped up on her phone again. It was from the same fan who had sent her a warning the day before. 

Gwen quickly opened it and started to read. 

_ Hi again. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. I just really thought you should see this so you know I’m serious about Nat. This is a screenshot from our group chat. They will never forgive me if they find out I shared this, but you need to know how insane this woman truly is. _

Below were two screenshots. The first was the selfie they took in front of the restaurant. The second was what this Nat woman had told her friends in the chat. 

_ Omg guyzzzzzz! It finally happened!! I went out for lunch today with Gwendoline and Daniel. She told me how happy she was to see me again and we had an amazing lunch at this delightful restaurant. I think we’re going to meet again next week and she might bring Nik. I’m soooo happy!!!  _

Gwen immediately had to run to the bathroom and be sick. And this time it had nothing to do with her morning sickness. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had several people reach out lately so I just wanted to make it clear that the stalker isn’t based on any real person(s). It hurts my heart for Gwen that there really are people out there that fit the description and behavior of the stalker in this story, but I assure you I’ve made this person up based on general research of celebrity stalkers and the types of things they often do. 
> 
> Thank you guys for reading and for the messages. I adore chatting with you guys so I means a lot 🥰😘

“You’re not dressed,” was the first thing out of his mouth when Gwen opened the door. “We have to get to the police station, what are you doing?” He came inside and shut the door behind him. The second it was closed she opened her robe and let it drop to the floor. “Gwen? Oh my God,” he gasped, looking around in a panic. “Where’s your mum?” he hissed. 

“She’s gone for breakfast with a friend, it’s just us,” she purred as she lifted a hand and ran her finger tip over her nipple until it was hard. “The coppers can wait. I need this.” She reached for the front of his pants and tugged him towards her by sticking her hand inside the waistband. When she found his mouth he kissed her back eagerly and their tongues brushed as they tasted each other. It had only been a few days, but she missed him desperately and she was ridiculously horny. 

“I guess we have a few minutes,” he panted, dropping everything he was holding to the floor. With his hands now empty they were free to roam her body. He touched her back and ass, then gently grazed his fingers over her tummy before moving up to squeeze her breasts. Hard. Too hard. 

“Fuck, owww,” she howled. 

Nik immediately recoiled and jumped back. “What? Are you okay? What did I do?” 

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she said quickly, reaching to soothe her aching boobs. “They’re just so sensitive still.” 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, moving closer again. He bent his head and placed several soft kisses on each breast, while caressing her hip and lower back, leaving her feeling tingly everywhere. He grazed his tongue over her nipple and she moaned. She wanted him to suck on it even though she knew it would hurt. When he went to pull away she grabbed his neck and urged him right back, arching a bit to give him better access. He understood and he was so gentle and tender that it didn’t hurt at all - just felt incredible. Her body flooded with heat and her pussy started to ache. “Come on,” she gasped, pulling away with a light pop as her nipple left his mouth. 

Nik was already undoing his pants as she led him to her room. By the time the door was shut behind them he was kicking his jeans aside and pushing down his underwear, while she was tugging him to the bed and down on top of her. She wanted him inside her, she needed him - desperately. The hormones were raging, coursing through her from head to toe, leaving her entire body burning. 

Gwen wanted a good hard fuck, but it was clear right away that she wasn’t going to get that. She understood his hesitancy given the recent scare they’d had, so she didn’t push him. It didn’t take her long at all to forget about what she thought she wanted and enjoy what he was willing to give her. His thick cock moving in and out of her slowly, sometimes all the way out so he could penetrate her again - it was heaven. It was also far more intimate than what she’d had in mind, especially when he met her eye and their gaze locked. Sometimes it was scary looking into his dark blue eyes and realizing just how much he truly loved her - but not right then - it was exactly what she needed. 

“I love you too,” she whispered, reaching up to touch his face. She ran her thumb over his lip and he kissed it then smiled. That moment, it was a perfect representation of the two of them and what they had. It was always so easy and comfortable between them. Their love was deep and intense too, but never overwhelming. 

The build was almost as good as the release, but nothing compared to that moment where she was right on the edge, staring into his eyes, begging for that final shove. Nik pushed deep, filling her with all of him, stretching her as her fingers started to dig into his shoulder. She wanted to hold on and she wanted to let go at the same time. Gwen moaned, and then gasped as she finally toppled into the swirling happy abyss. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it, while at the same time Nik continued to move, until he finally came and joined her in that beautiful post orgasm utopia. 

Gwen really wanted to just curl up with him in bed, pull the covers over their naked bodies and enjoy his warmth, but she knew there was something they had to get done so she climbed out of bed with a happy sigh and started to get dressed. It was actually Nik who stopped her, took her hand and pulled her back into bed. “I just need to hold you for a few minutes,” he said, as she laid her head on his chest and let him wrap her in his warm embrace. 

They stayed there for close to half an hour before they both reluctantly agreed they should get going. They got dressed and then packed up Gwen’s things as they would go back to her place after they stopped to file a report with the police. The security company was coming the next day to set everything up, so it would just be one night without it, but she was comfortable knowing Nik would be there to protect her. 

“Why are people so fucking insane?” Nik asked on the drive. “We’re just people too, with lives and jobs and families.” Gwen knew he’d never really understood celebrity culture the same way she did. She knew what it was like to feel that sense of worship for someone she looked up to - but she also knew the difference between fiction and reality and what lines shouldn’t be crossed. “Your fans are ridiculous,” he added. “Coming to see that play you did multiple times? Spending that much money? Why?” 

The fact that her fans had come to the play over and over had never bothered her before. She was proud of her work and honored to be a part of the production, so she’d taken it as a huge compliment that people attended more than once. She enjoyed meeting them afterwards and hearing their stories and listening to what they loved about the play. But part of her wondered if her enthusiasm had somehow enabled this stalker behavior. “I loved that they came out so many times and made the play such a huge success,” Gwen said softly. “But do you think I was wrong to do the stage door every night? Do you think this is my fault?” 

She could feel his gaze on her, his gaze that should have been on the road. “Oh God no, Gwen, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way,” he said quickly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re so kind and warm with your fans because that’s just who you are.” He reached over and took her hand. “You have a big, beautiful heart and people are drawn to that. I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I guess I should understand better than anyone what it’s like to be pulled to you like a magnet. But when people become obsessed in an unhealthy way that’s on them - not on you. You can’t quit being yourself because one person misinterprets your kindness.” 

“Thank you,” she whispered as his words soothed her. She knew she would change though - it was a natural circumstance of this insanity. Everytime she spoke with a fan from now on she would watch her words to make sure she didn’t say anything misleading. She would draw that line between celebrity and fan and never cross it again. 

They didn’t have to wait long to speak to an officer and tell the entire story as he listened and took notes. “I was sent this too,” Gwen said, passing over her phone open to the DM conversation with the fan. 

The officer read it over. “Would you be able to screenshot this and email it to me?” He asked. 

“Of course,” Gwen said, quicking fulfilling his request with the email address on the card he’d passed her. 

“So what can we do?” Nik asked, sounding impatient. Gwen touched his knee, trying to calm him. “Restraining order? Injunction? I want this crazy person out of our lives.” 

The officer scratched his chin for a moment. “Listen, I’m going to be frank with you - as of right now I don’t have enough evidence to lay any charges on this woman, and you can’t get a restraining order until she’s been charged with something. We could look into an injunction but -” His voice trailed off in thought. “What I would recommend is that you hire a P.I. to start digging and maybe tailing this woman to come up with some concrete proof that she’s actually the one that’s been leaving the gifts.” 

“But isn’t that screenshot enough proof?” Nik interrupted. 

“I wish it was,” he said sadly. “But it could have easily been doctored before it was sent to Ms. Christie. We have no way to prove it’s authentic. We need something concrete - prints, photographs - that sort of thing.” Gwen was impressed by the kindness and sincerity in his voice. “If you don’t have something already, I would highly recommend you install security devices, particularly cameras. If you can catch her in the act, that would be huge.” 

“We’re working on that,” Gwen replied with a nod. “Is there anything else you suggest? What if I run into her again in public? Should I try to bait her? Try to get info?” 

“Absolutely not,” the officer said. “You play dumb and you act like you always have in the past. We don’t know the mental state of this woman and we don’t want to push any buttons that could escalate her behavior or anger her. Right now, even though it’s scary and invasive, there’s nothing violent going on. We want to keep it that way.” Gwen nodded along. What he was saying made sense. “Have you ever heard of something called Celebrity Worship Syndrome?” he asked. 

Both her and Nik shook their heads. “No I haven’t,” Gwen said. 

“When you have a moment look it up,” he suggested. “There are several studies and articles about it. It’s basically a type of addiction where an individual becomes obsessed with a celebrity and the details of their personal life. It’s not in the DSM or recognized as a mental disorder - yet - but I suspect that it will be one day as more and more research is done. In these days of social media where celebrities are sharing personal photos and information fans are feeling closer and more connected - which is leading to new levels of obsession.” 

“Wow, you seem to know a lot about this,” Nik commented. 

“I was a psych major before I decided to become a cop,” he replied with a smile. “Psychology and human behavior has always fascinated me so I read a lot - I find it helps me with my job,” he explained. “Anyway, I suspect this woman might have Celebrity Worship Syndrome and I read that it can be linked to other serious mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, and even OCD and schizophrenia. Which is why I need you to be very careful until we can lay charges or figure out a way to get an injunction.” 

“Why is this happening to me,” Gwen sighed. “Why now?” 

“I’m really sorry for what you’re going through ma’am,” the officer said, sounding very empathetic and understanding. “I’m glad you’re having a security system installed and I hope you’ll consider my suggestion of hiring a P.I. You might also think about hiring a bodyguard if it would make you feel more comfortable and I would definitely be in touch with an attorney.” 

“Thank you for your help Officer,” Nik said politely. Gwen could tell he was frustrated by the lack of resolution, but Nik was smart and he would understand the officer’s hands were tied at that point. 

“You have my card. If you think of anything else or if anything new comes up please don’t hesitate to give me a call. And please be safe,” he added, standing up. He offered a handshake and both her and Nik shook his hand. “It was a pleasure to meet you both, though I wish the circumstances were different. Be careful and cautious, please.” 

“Well, we did what we could for now,” Gwen said as they walked towards the front. 

“We’re going to hire that P.I. and get the evidence we need to charge this woman and get her the fuck out of our lives,” Nik said, his jaw clenched in anger. She slipped her hand into his as she nodded in agreement. Never in a million years would she have imagined she would be pregnant with Nik’s baby while looking into hiring a P.I. to investigate a stalker. It all sounded like a damn movie - not her real life. 

As Gwen and Nik left the police station and headed to their vehicle neither one of them saw the furrowed brow or scowl of the young woman watching them intently from the car across the road. Nor did they hear the angry growl as she slammed her hands against the steering wheel in anger.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than usual but it felt like a good place to stop 😂😂

“I honestly don’t know if I’m going to survive to the end of this pregnancy,” Nik sighed, as he flopped down in bed beside her. “You are insatiable, woman.” He wasn’t wrong. She was horny all the time and was jumping him multiple times a day. “I’m really, truly not complaining,” he added quickly. “I’ve said it before - if this kills me I’ll die happy - exhausted, but happy.” He’d teased her many times already about her increased libido. 

“Maybe we need a sexy, ripped, gardenboy or french maid to help out,” she suggested, batting her eyes innocently. 

“We don’t have a garden and how would a threesome with a french maid make things any easier for me?” he laughed. 

“The threesome was with the gardener - the maid is all mine. You can watch though,” she added, licking her lips seductively. 

“You’re not helping,” he groaned. Gwen kissed him softly and then laid her head back down on his shoulder. As much as she joked, teased and flirted - there was only one person she truly wanted to be with anymore. All her urges and fantasies and desires involved the man she’d been attracted to for so many years - the man who she was madly in love with - the man she was going to raise a baby with. 

“I’m hungry,” she announced, sitting up again. “I still can’t believe the prenatals were causing that horrible morning sickness. I really owe Filippa for that advice.” Ever since she quit taking the prenatals she hadn’t had a single episode of nausea. 

“Did you check with your doctor and make sure it’s okay?” he asked, looking concerned. 

Gwen nodded. “Yes, she said it was perfectly fine and that I could try introducing them again in the second trimester when the morning sickness usually eases up for most people.” 

“Well then,” he said. “Get some clothes on and I’ll make pancakes for breakfast.” 

“Mmm,” she groaned as she climbed naked out of bed and found some clothes to throw on. They wandered to the kitchen. “I’m going to go look at the cam,” Gwen said, heading for the living room where they had a computer set up with the video feed. There was an app they could have used instead, but she just didn’t like the idea of having it available to her all the time. She knew she would spend too much time checking it when she should have been focused on other things. 

They had taken every bit of the advice the police gave them and once it was all in place Gwen finally started to feel better about things - more in control again. The loss of control was one of the hardest parts to deal with, other than the obvious worry that this crazy person might try to hurt her. She had a life inside her that she had to protect as well and she would do whatever it took to keep their baby safe. 

The state of the art security system took some getting used to initially, but after a couple of days it became second nature to set the alarm when they left and check the video feed every once in a while. It was set to start recording with movement so there would only be recordings if the camera picked something up. For the past 4 days since they’d installed it there hadn’t been anything but their own comings and goings and a couple times that a bird set it off. 

Gwen opened the program on her laptop and her stomach flipped when she saw there was a recording at just after 6am. It’s probably just a bird or little critter, she told herself, but as soon as she hit play she called out for Nik. “Nikolaj, come here.” She paused it while she waited. 

“What? What’s wrong?” he asked, appearing in seconds. 

“Someone was at the door this morning,” she said, fighting back the tears. The situation was so frustrating and after 4 days with no more incidents she was starting to think maybe it was over. She pressed play and they watched a hooded figure creep up to the door and leave a package. The hood was pulled tight and they had a mask or bandana covering their face. “They knew about the camera,” she breathed as her body started to feel the effects of her fear and anxiety. 

“They must have been watching the house and saw it being installed he muttered.” Nik rewound it and watched again, pausing in a few places to see if they could get a view of the person’s face, but it was useless. It was quick, dark, and they were too covered to be able to make out much of anything. “We need to send this to the cops anyway,” Nik said. “And I guess we should go see what was left.” 

Gwen followed him to the door and watched him open it and pick up the little bag that was left. He set it down and pulled out what was inside. Once again there was a little card but the message was typed. “I had this custom made, just for you. I hope you love it,” he read out loud. Nik handed over the small box with a grave look on his face. It was one of those Funko Pop dolls. The box was also customized and said ‘Mama Gwen’’ on it. When Gwen pulled out the door she recoiled and her hand started shaking. It was a doll of her - with a very obvious pregnant belly on the tiny body. “What the fuck?” Nik sighed, looking disgusted. 

Just like the other gifts it would have been sweet and adorable if it wasn’t for the nature of the situation. “We probably shouldn’t have touched it,” Gwen said, quickly putting it back in the box. “Maybe they could get prints. That was so stupid.” Her hands were shaking so badly she dropped it. Nik picked it up carefully and put the whole thing back in the bag. 

“You’re right. We shouldn’t have touched it, but maybe there’s still a chance they can get prints.” He looked over at her and set the bag on the floor. “C’mere,” he said, pulling her in for a hug. “We’re going to catch this person. This isn’t going to continue for much longer,” he assured her, rubbing her back gently. “I promise you,” he added, as she melted into his embrace. It was so much easier knowing she had him to be her rock and she didn’t have to go through it alone. “Come on, let’s eat and then we can take the package to the police. Maybe the can figure out who made the doll and then find out who ordered it.” 

“But we already know who it is,” she sighed. 

“Yeah, but this could give us the proof we need for them to lay charges or at least get the injunction to keep this psycho away.” Gwen sat at the table and watched him make breakfast. She tried to forget about things for a moment and just enjoy the fact that he was being so sweet and cooking for her. 

The pancakes were amazing and just getting something in her stomach made her feel a little better. “Oh gosh, we should also call Chris,” she announced. Chris, the P.I. they’d hired was updated on the situation the day before and promised to be in touch as soon as he found out anything. But obviously he would need to know the latest. 

Nik grabbed his phone and dialed, then turned it on speaker. “Hello?” 

“Hey Chris, it’s Nikolaj and Gwendoline.” 

“Oh hi guys, I was actually about to call you - I have news,” he replied. 

“So do we,” Nik said, meeting Gwen’s eye. 

“You go first,” Chris offered. 

“Well, we had a visitor this morning and they left another gift. A custom made doll of Gwen with a pregnant belly,” he explained. “They are on camera, but wearing a hoodie and face covering so we can’t make out anything. But it’s got to be this Nat girl. Maybe you could try tracking her down and putting a tail on her for a few days?” 

“Hmm, well, that’s actually what I was calling about. I had a buddy do some hacking into that Instagram account of the woman you thought was your stalker. We got her full name, address and all her details,” he said. Gwen felt a glimmer of hope rise up inside her. They were getting closer. 

“That’s amazing news,” she said happily. Nik looked relieved and they shared a smile. 

But all of that came crashing down yet again when the P.I. responded. “Well, not exactly,” Chris said gravely. “She actually doesn’t live in London,” he said. “And she can’t possibly be the one who left something on your step this morning because she boarded a plane to JFK yesterday afternoon. She’s somewhere in the US right now, nowhere near London.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while, I know. I’ll try to do better 😘❤️ I honestly don’t even know if anyone is still reading at this point, but if you are - thank you and I hope you like the new chapter.

It only took Gwen five minutes after they hung up with Chris to figure it out. “Oh my God. I know who it is,” she said, picking up her phone. 

“You do? Who?” Nik asked eagerly. 

“I trusted someone I shouldn’t have,” she replied, opening her Instagram DMs. 

Before she showed him her phone screen he was already on board. “The other fan,” he said. “What’s her name again?” 

“Reina,” Gwen replied. “It has to be her.”

“But she showed you proof that Nat is insane,” he mused. 

“Oh I still think that’s accurate, but I don’t think she’s the one who has been leaving the gifts.” Gwen opened up Reina’s account and started scrolling back through the photos. “See,” she said, showing Nik the screen. “Look at this. What does it remind you of?” 

“The paper chain thing,” he breathed. “That fucking cunt,” he snapped. Gwen could see the anger bubbling up inside him and she obviously empathized completely but one of them had to remain calm. 

“Take a breath,” she said, reaching out to touch his knee. “Let’s call Chris back with this new information and see what he can do before we get ahead of ourselves.” 

Nik nodded and they made the call. “Give me half an hour,” Chris said. “I have a few things I want to check out and hopefully I can give you some evidence to take to the cops.” 

The half an hour was only 15 minutes, but it still felt like an eternity. “We’ve got her,” Chris said happily. 

“For real?” Gwen felt her hands start to shake. Was it really over this time? 

“Yeah, we hacked her account and there are messages back and forth from her to another girl planning everything,” he explained. “She even talks about leaking the pregnancy.”

“How?” Nik asked. She could hear the edge in his voice and see the rage in his eyes. 

“Apparently she was following you guys and saw you at the clinic. She did some digging and discovered it was a fertility clinic and then made an educated guess of why you would be there,” Chris said gently. He knew the pregnancy leak was a very sensitive subject for them both. “I already had security footage from the clinic because I was checking to see if Nat was there so I reviewed it again and caught Reina on camera.” 

Gwen was feeling so many mixed emotions but the only question that came to mind was, “Why? Why would she do all of this?” This woman claimed to be a fan. Pretended to want to protect her from a crazy woman, yet the crazy woman was her. 

“Online drama,” Chris replied with a sigh. “I’ve seen it before and from the DMs I was reading I’m pretty sure it was all a jealousy thing. These two women hate each other and Reina tried to take it one step further. She wanted you to hate Nat.” 

“So she shared personal, sensitive information to the press, violated our privacy and terrified us for what? So I wouldn’t like a post or two from some other fan?” Gwen honestly wasn’t sure whether she loathed this woman or felt very sorry for her. 

“What do we do now?” Nik asked impatiently. “I want to bury this psycho. She needs to pay for everything she’s put Gwen through.” 

“I’ll prepare a report with all the evidence we have. But the police will have to get permission to access the Instagram account and collect that evidence on their own. Shouldn’t be an issue, especially with the rest of the circumstantial evidence we already have. Give me a couple days to put together everything and I’ll bring it by so we can go over it before you take it all to the station.” He paused for a moment. “In the meantime, just lay low and make sure you have your security cameras on and keep the alarm set. As soon as Reina realizes Nat isn’t in London anymore I’m sure everything will stop anyway, but just to be safe keep your guard up.” 

“If she comes anywhere near here I’ll -“ 

Gwen interrupted Nik before he could finish. “You’ll call the police and let them do their jobs.” He gave her a scowl, but conceded. 

They said goodbye to Chris and she felt like she could finally breathe again. There was a weight lifted off her that was extremely freeing. She didn’t have the same anger and resentment that Nik was feeling because she was just so relieved it was almost over. 

“I don’t know if I have ever felt like I actually want to kill someone before now,” he said, as he started to pace. 

She stood up and blocked his path. “You don’t mean that,” she said with a smile, reaching up to stroke his hair. 

“I do,” he insisted. “She took our most private, personal news and put it out there for the whole world to know.” There was pain in his eyes, real deep pain. 

“I know darling,” she cooed, moving her hand to cup his cheek. “It was awful and it was cruel but it’s over now. We have so much to look forward to.” Gwen moved her hand from his face to her belly. “Don’t let that asshole take another second of this journey we’re on.” 

Nik’s hand settled over hers and he leaned in close to her ear. “You’re so good, so light,” he whispered. “You make me a better man.” His words caused tingling goosebumps to rise all over her body. 

“Is that so?” Gwen whispered back, as the tingles turned to desire. The sound of his voice in her ear, so low and sexy, his adorable accent, the wisp of warm breath on her skin, not to mention how sweet and romantic the words themselves were - and of course there were those raging pregnancy hormones too. It all added up to a lethal combination of passion ready to explode. 

“Mmm hmm,” he replied, nuzzling her hair with his nose. 

She drew back and looked at him. Their gaze was locked and she gave him a smile. “Prove it,” she challenged. 

The smile on his face was so cocky it would have been cringeworthy, if she didn’t already know he could live up to it. As usual he didn’t disappoint, making sure to take care of her needs fully and thoroughly before ever giving a thought to his own. 

He stripped her naked right there in the middle of the living room, then laid her down on the couch and devoured her pussy like he was starving, pushing her to the edge several times before giving her the final shove into a sea of bliss. Nik didn’t give her much time to recover, only long enough to take off his own clothes, before he tugged her to her feet and shoved her, gently, up against the wall. There was a fun little dichotomy to his actions - he was cautious and careful with her body, yet somehow the sex was still edgy and raw - just the way she liked it. 

Even though she was being fucked up against a wall, and it was erotic and a little dirty, it still somehow felt like they were making love - there was such a deep emotional connection between the two of them that went beyond the physical and created another level of intimacy. And even beyond all of that, it was the first time in a while that they could focus on nothing but each other. Finally there were no distracting thoughts weighing on their mind that needed to be pushed away. 

From the very first touch, first kiss, first lick - Gwen felt it all with her body and mind. When he penetrated her for the first time and she moaned loudly it wasn’t just because it felt so good to have him deep inside her body, but also because she knew it was an expression of his love and desire for her, and his need to please her. 

He moved her from the wall back to the couch, where she knelt while he took her from behind, reaching new depths that had her edging in no time. When she finally came again Nik gently laid her on her back and kissed her from head to toe while she slowly recovered from the euphoria of a spectacular orgasm. 

It wasn’t until her eyes fluttered open with a happy sigh that he finally slipped back inside her and moved with slow, deep strokes until he finally finished with a light grunt. Afterwards he got up and grabbed a blanket off the back of a nearby chair, then snuggled up with her and covered them up.

After a few minutes of silence he spoke. “Hey, you know I love it here - with you,” Nik said gently. 

“But?” She said with a smile. She could hear in the tone of his voice that there was a ‘but’ coming. 

“After we get things sorted out here, do you think we could go to Denmark for a little while? I don’t want to be away from you, but I miss my home and I really should check on the girls too.” He took her hand and threaded their fingers. 

“Are you sure Safina and Filippa are ready for that?” She asked. “Me staying at their home?” 

“Filippa won’t be there, she’s rarely home anymore and Safi should be fine. She took it well.” He propped up and looked at her. “So is that a yes?” Gwen nodded and he immediately kissed her. “Thank you.” She felt a little trepidation about the plan, but she was also a bit excited too. Maybe this would finally be the turning point with her and Nik’s girls - a chance to actually get to know them and let them get to know her. She refused to let herself think about the alternative and instead she squeezed Nik’s hand and believed that finally, after all the craziness, things would actually be okay. 

Suddenly a thought popped into her mind. “Hey uh, did you turn off the security camera?” 

She could already feel him laughing. “Nope, did you?” 

“Nope,” she snorted.

“Did we just make a sex tape?” He asked, his whole body shaking with laughter.

“I think so,” Gwen replied as she collapsed in a fit of giggles, already wondering just how much the little camera in the corner of the room had actually caught.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this one. It really felt like something I could see gwen doing, so I hope you agree :)

Dealing with the police and legal issues wasn’t the quickest process, so it was close to a week later when they finally arrived in Denmark. Gwen could feel the change in him the minute they stepped off the plane and he was on home soil once again, this wasn’t new, she had noticed it many times. 

Nik looked happier and more relaxed than she’d seen him in weeks. To be fair, they had been through a lot of stress lately and with all of that behind them it was much easier to breathe. But it was more than that, she could sense it. Being immersed in his own language and culture was where he thrived. 

She tried to push away all her related fears and concerns. The problem was, she felt the same way - in London. Gwen was happy to visit other places and had been all over the world, but she couldn’t imagine living and raising her child anywhere but in the UK. 

She was well aware that Nik would give her anything she wanted, so she knew he would never expect her to permanently live anywhere other than London, but she didn’t want him to ever end up miserable or resent her for it. London would grow on him and he already had affection for the city, but Gwen knew it would never truly be home for him. She also knew it wasn’t fair to deprive their child of experiencing both cultures. She shook off the bad thoughts and reassured herself that they would work it out when the time came. She did have faith in their ability to discuss (or argue) just about anything. 

She felt nervous butterflies in her stomach as Nik opened the door and they walked into his home. She wondered if it ever felt strange to him to come home after being away for so long? She knew when she used to be away for several weeks filming something that it took her a minute to get situated, but before long home always felt like home again. 

Before they even had a chance to set down their things Safina and Filippa appeared. Gwen’s stomach rolled. Nik had said not to expect to see Filippa at all. He hadn’t even told either of them ahead that he was coming home, just in case something popped up and they had to cancel. She glanced over at Nik, avoiding the eyes that were piercing her. 

“What is she doing here?” Filippa growled. When Gwen allowed herself to sneak a peek she could see that Filippa’s eyes were red and puffy. She’d definitely been crying and crying a lot. 

“What are you doing here?” Nik replied, looking surprised, but otherwise calm. 

“I live here,” Filippa snapped in response, followed by something in Danish that Gwen didn’t understand as she threw her hands in the air, spun and stormed off. 

“Off to a great start,” Gwen muttered. Nik reached over and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 

“It’s nice to see you Gwendoline,” Safina said politely. “Don’t mind her, she just found out this morning Otto has been seeing another woman for the past couple of months.” 

“Fuck,” Nik groaned. “I’ll kill him. I’ll find him and I’ll kill the little man child,” he seethed. While Gwen appreciated the protective side of him, she knew she needed to calm him down before there was no going back. 

“Hey, calm down,” she said, forcing Nik to look at her. “Better she found out now. Fuck him. Just go talk to your daughter and remind her she’s loved and just how amazing she is.” She gave him a little shove and finally Nik rubbed his face and nodded. 

“So, how long are you staying? How was the flight? How are you feeling?” Safina asked three questions in rapid fire succession. Before Gwen could even think of any answer to any one of the questions she was moving on. “Can I help carry your things to my dad’s room? Are you tired? Do you want something to drink?” 

“Safina, breathe,” she said with a smile. “Why don’t we just go have a seat in the living room and we can talk until your dad comes back?” 

They barely got started before Nik returned. “She doesn’t want to talk about it,” he announced. “But now she’s crying again and I feel like a failure,” he sighed. 

“I got this,” Safina said, jumping up. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.” 

“You’re not a failure,” Gwen said after Safina was gone. “You just happen to be the wrong gender for what she needs right now.” She stood up and gave him a warm hug. “Come on, let’s go unpack.” 

They headed to his room and Gwen started to go through her things, but she couldn’t focus on what she was doing with the idea brewing in her mind. “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she said suddenly. 

Gwen knew she was taking a huge risk and it was going to either pay off or blow up in her face, but the only thing that mattered to her was helping Filippa feel better so it was worth the possibility of complete and total rejection. She also knew her plan would only work if she went into it with the utmost confidence. She took a look in the mirror on the wall in the hallway, nodded at her reflection and then walked down the to Filippa’s room and knocked. 

“Come in,” Safina replied. 

Gwen gently pushed open the door and stepped into the room. “What the fuck?” Filippa snapped. She was obviously expecting her father. 

Just do it, a voice in her head told her. “Here’s what I want you to do,” she said, looking right at Filippa. “Go in that closet of yours or borrow something from your sister - find a dress or a shirt that makes you feel incredible and put it on. Do your make up and get ready to go out.” 

“What are you talking about? I’m not going out right now. Look at me.” She gestured towards her puffy eyes. “And what makes you think you know what I need right now? You don’t know me.” 

“No, that’s fair, I don’t know you. But I am a lot older than you and I’ve been where you are right now more times that I’d like to remember. So I have a lot of experience in dealing with breakups,” Gwen said, her voice calm but firm. “So you’re going to get dressed and your sister and I are going to take you out. Dancing, drinking, dinner, whatever you want. We’re going to go out, be around people, and we’re going to remind you that you’re special, smart, kind, beautiful and you don’t need a man to feel that way.” 

“How can you - ?” Safina said, giving her a curious look. 

Gwen smiled. “I’m pregnant, not dead. I’ll drink soda or water and I’ll be just as much fun - okay, almost - as much fun as if I was drinking with you.” 

She looked over and Filippa, waiting for her to say something. She could tell the young woman was considering her words but wasn’t quite convinced so she tried a little harder. “Come on, we’ll have fun, I promise. And then tomorrow, after your hangover has worn off you’re going to pack a bag and go spend some time with your mother. There’s nothing like a heart to heart and a huge hug from your mom when you’re feeling yucky. I know you have a wonderful mother who loves you more than anything. She’ll make you feel so much better.” Gwen could tell that her compliments towards Nukaka had Filippa intrigued. “Then after some time with your mom you’ll come home and surround yourself with people who make you feel like the amazing, strong woman that you are. Only people who build you up because you don’t need anything but positivity in your life from now on.” 

Filippa eyed her a little longer and finally she spoke. “Why are you being so nice to me? After the way I’ve treated you.” 

“Because, like it or not, after this baby is born we’re family, and family look out for each other,” Gwen said with a smile. “Besides, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you for the tip about the prenatals. I would not have survived weeks on end of that awful morning sickness.” 

Finally there was a hint of a smile on Filippa’s lips. “You’re going to be a really great mum Gwen,” she said softly. 

The tears hit her instantly. “Thank you,” she sniffed. “Damn, I’m sorry. I cry at everything - happy, sad, sappy, mad - it’s so annoying.” She quickly brushed away the tears that had already fallen. “Okay get ready, we leave in half an hour.” 

Nik was in the bedroom en suite putting his things away when she came in. “I’m going to the club,” she announced. 

“You’re what now?” He looked amused. 

“I’m going dancing with the girls,” she replied. 

“Yeah right,” he snorted. “It’s almost 8 - you’re usually fast asleep by 9:30.” 

“Not tonight,” she replied stubbornly, as she stripped off her shirt and then went into the bedroom to look for something to wear that might somewhat fit in with a bunch of 20 somethings at a bar. 

Nik followed her. “You’re seriously going out? With Filippa? She actually agreed?” 

A smile spread across her face. “She did,” she gushed happily. Since everything happened she hadn’t taken a moment to celebrate her success and hopefully the turning point of her relationship with Nik’s oldest. “She also told me I’m going to be a great mum.” 

Nik moved closer and slipped his arms around her waist. “She’s definitely right about that,” he said before leaning in to kiss her. The response from her body was ridiculous, almost embarrassing if it was anyone but him. It was just a kiss and it had her hormones raging, ready for so much more. 

“Get away,” she gasped, giving him a shove. “I don’t have time for this. And I’m weak.” 

“It’ll be quick,” he whispered, looking as eager as she felt. 

“No, no, no,” Gwen groaned. “Get back in the bathroom and let me get ready. You know I can’t resist you right now.” 

“Or ever,” he said cockily. 

That was likely accurate but she was not giving him the satisfaction. “Just go,” she hissed. When he finally left her alone with a laugh she found a decent outfit and got dressed. She didn’t even know why she’d packed the little black dress in the first place, but she was glad she did. She found the right accessories and a pair of heels, touched up her makeup, and she was ready. 

40 minutes later the three of them were heading out, waving goodbye to a nervous looking Nik. “We’ll be fine Dad,” Safina said, rolling her eyes at him. “We’re not children.”

“Yeah well I’m more worried about the chaperone,” he said. “Keep her out of trouble,” he teased. Gwen gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and left. 

The girls took her to their favorite bar and the entire evening was amazing. They laughed, drank, and danced, did some goofy Instastories and just had an incredible time. Gwen fed off their energy and was actually able to keep up until 11pm rolled around. She yawned. “I think I’m going to have to call it a night,” she said apologetically. 

Filippa, slightly drunk by that point, came over and hugged her tightly. “Thank you for making me come. You were right, I really needed this.” 

“Stay and enjoy the night,” Gwen replied with a tired smile. “Just promise you’ll call a cab or Uber and get home safe, okay?” She yawned again. 

“Maybe you should call one and get your car tomorrow?” Safina suggested.

“I’ll be fine. This pregnancy fatigue is crazy, but I’m okay to make it home.” She stood and said goodbye to the girls, then 15 minutes later she trudged into the house. 

“You’re alone?” Nik asked, meeting her right inside the door.

“You’re waiting up for me daddy?” She teased. “The girls stayed out, you were right, I couldn’t hack it,” she sighed. 

“You lasted way longer than I expected,” he laughed. He took her hand and led her to the living room. “I guess this means we’re all alone for a while.” 

“Oh no, I’m way too tired for -“ She started to protest. Nik sunk down onto the couch and pulled her into his lap. “I’m too - ohhhh,” her words ended in a moan as his lips made contact with her neck. “Okay, maybe I can give you 5 minutes. Oh God,” she groaned as his hands lightly squeezed her ass. “But not here.” 

“Why not?” He asked, taking his lips off her skin for a moment. “We’ve done it here before.” 

“Yeah, well,” she started, pushing up and out of his lap. “Unless you want to carry my snoring naked body to bed afterwards we need to start there.” 

Nik stood with a smile. They held hands and slowly walked to the bedroom. She was so tired but she wanted him as much as ever. “Lay down,” he whispered. Gwen laid on her back in the middle of the bed and closed her eyes with a soft sigh. He slowly stripped off her clothes, bracelets, earrings, and necklaces until she was laying there naked. She opened her eyes to see him quickly take off his own clothes and then she watched him as he worked his way up her body, placing sweet, tender kisses from the tips of her toes all the way to the top of her head. While the whole thing was touching and intimate, she couldn’t help but notice the way he hesitated on her stomach. She wasn’t even close to showing yet, but the spot he kissed just below her belly button felt like he was perfectly acknowledging the tiny life that was growing there. 

Just before he slipped inside her Nik stopped and looked into her eyes. “Thank you for everything you did today for my girl. You’re so special and we’re all very, very lucky to have you.” The best she could manage through her exhaustion was a smile, followed by a whimpering sigh as he entered her. 

She enjoyed every second of the lazy, delicate way he made love to her. Somehow the orgasm was insanely intense, even with the slow build, or more likely because of the slow build. When it was over she was spent, even though she’d done nothing but lay there and enjoy. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, unable to even open her eyes. 

Nik kissed her forehead and she felt him cover her up. “You don’t need to apologize for being a mum. You’re taking care of our child and that’s all that matters. Night beautiful.” The last thing she remembered was wishing she could reply before she blacked out.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry, I really meant to get this chapter done last weekend as I know it’s been a long time. I hope it’s worth the wait. 😘😘😘

Gwen was right on the verge of what she was sure was going to be an explosive orgasm. Now that she was starting to show a bit she’d noticed Nik was being far more gentle when they made love. She’d mentally prepared herself for his slow and easy strokes and she was really enjoying each cautious deep thrust. She figured he’d get over it eventually and they could get back to the wild hardcore fucking she loved so much, but for the time being she just changed her mindset, relaxed and enjoyed the delicate way he was making love to her. 

She had to admit that there was something really erotic about feeling every inch of his shaft going in and coming back out. She moaned and lifted her hips just a little, taking him even deeper. “How about Freja for a girl?” Nik said suddenly. 

Gwen’s eyes flew open and she glared at him. “That’s what you’re thinking about right now? Really?” She snapped. “You’re balls deep in my pussy and you’re thinking of baby names?” Nik didn’t stop fucking her while she growled at him so her last word came out with another moan. 

“It just came to me,” he replied with a little shrug. 

“You know what else wants to come? Me,” she grumbled. “So could you maybe focus on how wet and tight my pussy is and enjoy this as much as me?” 

“Who said I wasn’t enjoying it?” Nik asked, his tone soft and husky. 

“Well you’re being pretty soft and vanilla lately,” Gwen said, ignoring her earlier decision to not mention it. With the next thrust he slammed into her and gave her a look. “Better.” He did it again, twice more, and she smiled. “That’s more like it.” It only took a few more thrusts to send her over the edge that she’d already been teetering on. “Yes,” she moaned as her body rode the intense waves of pleasure she’d been craving. Her pussy was throbbing and pulsing on his cock while he continued to pound her. “I want you to come,” she demanded in a commanding tone. She knew the sound of her voice alone could do some pretty crazy things for Nik. “Fucking come,” she added, digging her nails into his back. “Now,” she growled. She’d barely got the words out when he grunted and his strokes slowed then stopped. 

Gwen laid back, hands above her head, looking up at him with a satisfied smile. She’d got everything she wanted and he was happy to give it to her. She was spoiled in every way - she knew it. She tried not to take advantage of the fact that he would literally do anything she asked because it was so sweet and touching. She often wondered if it would change after she had the baby. She hadn’t been around him and his ex wife too often, but in the few times she’d observed them together she didn’t notice him doting on her in any way. In fact, she’d often seen exactly the opposite, but perhaps that’s why they were no longer married and Nik was now with her. Gwen decided that it was a poor comparison. Nik was madly in love with her, just like she was him and he treated her the way a man in love should treat his woman. 

“So, Freja? What do you think?” Nik asked, laying down beside her in bed. Gwen had an ultrasound coming up that afternoon, in just a few hours. She was just past 20 weeks which meant they could learn the sex of the baby if they wanted. The past week or so they had really begun focussing on names and coming up with options for both sexes. Nik seemed pretty sure it was going to be a girl, likely because that’s all he’d ever known and she also expected it was a defense mechanism because he really wanted a boy and didn’t want to feel disappointed if he found out he was having another daughter. 

“We can put it on the list I guess,” she replied. “But it’s not really jumping out at me.” 

“Filippa sent me a couple suggestions for boys,” Nik said, rolling over to reach for his phone. “They’re pretty Danish though,” he added with a chuckle. 

“I’m open to anything,” Gwen said. “You know that. This baby is half Danish, so if there’s something we both like, why not?” 

He looked at his phone and read the suggestions Filippa had sent. “Rasmus, Aksel, and Jorgen.” 

“They’re uh - okay.” She hated that she was so picky, but this was the one and only time she would be naming a child and she wanted it to be absolutely perfect. Gwen was really appreciative of Filippa sending the suggestions though. Things had really turned around since her first visit to Copenhagen. They had been back three times since then and Nik had gone a couple times on his own. Both girls had even come to London once as well. They’d been really supportive and seemed excited about having a new brother or sister. 

“You hate them,” Nik chuckled. “It’s okay. Sometimes it takes a while. I know some people even wait until the baby is born and decide once they actually see them.” 

“Oh hell no,” she shook her head. “I need to have everything planned ahead that we possibly can. There are going to be enough unknowns once this baby comes out - I certainly don’t want to be freaking out about naming them at the last second.” 

“Have you decided for sure if you want to know the gender yet?” He asked. 

“You know we have to make that decision together,” she said gently. “It’s not up to me, it’s up to us.” 

“But I’ve done this all before,” he replied. “This is a first for you and I’m okay with whatever you choose.” 

“You want to know, don’t you?” Gwen asked, rolling over onto her side to get a better look at him.

“I want whatever you want,” Nik said, reaching out to touch her belly. She loved the look on his face when his hand closed over the little bump that had developed. 

Suddenly she felt a little flutter inside. “What was that?” she gasped. Nik gave a little shrug, looking confused. “I felt something - inside.” Tears sprung to her eyes when she realized exactly what it was. “I felt it Nik. The baby just moved,” she sniffed. “I mean I think that’s what it was,” she started to second guess herself. 

“What did it feel like?” he asked, still touching her belly. It would still be a few weeks before he could feel anything on the outside. 

“It was like - uh - I don’t know how to describe it - “ Gwen said, trying to figure out how to explain what she’d just felt. “It was like a little flutter thing, like a butterfly flapping its wings. It was just light and quick. Maybe I was wrong.” She pouted, already giving up on the idea as she wiped her tears away. Then it happened again and she squealed. “There, I felt it again,” she said happily. “This is amazing.” The tears came much quicker. “I never believed I would ever feel this - a life growing inside me, the baby moving -” 

Nik bent his head and kissed her belly. “Hi baby,” he said softly, talking to her tummy. “You’re making your mama really happy,” he whispered. “We can’t wait to meet you in a few months.” 

There was another little flutter. “He or she can hear you,” Gwen said, running her fingers through his hair. Nik looked up at her and she leaned in to kiss him. “I know I don’t tell you enough, but I’m so glad you’re not just a sperm donor. I would have been fine if that’s how this whole thing happened, with the surrogate and doing it all alone - but now that you’re here - I don’t know, it just feels like this is how it’s supposed to be,” she finished. 

“I couldn’t agree more,” Nik replied, leaning in to kiss her again. “Pregnancy has made you really sappy,” he teased. 

“Yeah, well don’t get used to it.” She gave him a playful shove and then climbed out of bed. “We should get ready. We don’t want to be late to find out whether we’re having a boy or girl.” 

Nik practically leapt out of bed. “We’re finding out?” he asked, looking like a child on Christmas morning. 

She shook her head and laughed at him. “I knew you wanted to find out.” 

He shook his head, but couldn’t hide his smile. “Only if that’s what you want,” he insisted. 

“It’s what I want,” Gwen said confidently. She’d gone back and forth a million times, but her need to plan won out. She wanted to have everything ready when their baby was born and she felt like knowing the sex would help her feel more prepared. She knew she could do things neutral, but she honestly just wanted to find out. 

“What do you think it is?” Nik asked as he followed her to the bathroom to shower. “What’s your gut instinct?” 

This was also something she’d thought a lot about and went back and forth too. But she’d made a decision the day before on what she truly believed she was carrying. “It’s a boy,” she replied, as she turned on the shower. 

“You seem so sure,” he said, looking intrigued. “I think it’s a girl.” 

Gwen shook her head. “It’s a boy. I just know it.” 

“Are you okay with that?” He asked gently. She’d tried to convince herself she didn’t care what sex the baby was, but if she was fully honest and she had the choice she would have picked a girl. 

“Of course I am.” Gwen looked at him for a minute. They didn’t know for sure, it was just her gut instinct, but she could already tell he was excited, almost ready to burst. “I want what you want,” she added, giving him a little wink before she stepped into the shower. 

An hour and a half later she was laying in a bed with her shirt pulled up and her pants pushed down, with ultrasound jelly all over her belly. The doctor put the wand on her tummy and pressed, then moved it around a bit. Within a few seconds they could hear the steady, rapid heartbeat and Gwen smiled, fighting back another round of tears. She would never get used to being so emotional. “Heartbeat sounds strong,” the doctor announced. 

Images appeared on the screen beside them and the doctor explained what they were looking at. She showed them the head and where the body was and took some measurements. “I’ll get a photo for you,” she said, pausing to take a screenshot. “And what have you decided about the sex?” 

Nik looked at her and she looked back at him and nodded. “We would like to know now,” he announced. 

The doctor smiled and moved the wand a bit more. “Well this is an easy one,” she said, pointing at the screen. “Can you see right there?” 

“Please tell me that’s a penis,” Nik replied, his eyes lighting up. Gwen reached for his hand and held it tightly. He was so fucking happy and it made her heart swell with joy to know that with everything he’d given her and done for her - he was finally getting his moment. 

The doctor nodded in confirmation. “Congratulations Mum and Dad - you’re having a baby boy.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe just a little bit more drama before we wrap this one up :) Hope you all enjoy. Curious how people will react to the name choice 😊

“One in 30, I had no idea the risk was that high. That’s a 3% chance that he’s going to have Down’s syndrome just because I’m old. And the risk of autism is much higher because you’re old,” Gwen sighed and continued reading the article on her phone. “53% chance I’ll have a miscarriage. More than half.” Her heart started to pound like it always did when she started googling pregnancy stuff. “And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Spina Bifida, birth defects, heart problems, preterm deliveries - “

“Gwen, stop,” Nik said, reaching for her phone. 

She quickly evaded him and kept reading. “Oh god. 59% chance of a c-section. I don’t want surgery,” she moaned. “How do I look after a baby after they cut me open?” 

“Women have c-sections all the time and they do perfectly fine, just like you will if it comes to that,” he said soothingly. “How many times do we have to go over this? I’ll be here. I’ll be right by your side and we’ll raise this baby together - no matter what.” 

“Yeah but you’re old too. Even older than me. Did you know they call it a geriatric pregnancy? Geriatric. Like I’m an old woman in a care home trying to have a baby or something.” Her eyes scanned the article some more. “Oh great, I might die too. Gestational diabetes, heart risks, pre-eclampsia, even cancer is linked to geriatric pregnancies.” 

This time he was able to snatch her phone away and she didn’t fight him for it. He could move far quicker than her anyway, with the giant belly she was developing. They were way past a cute little baby bump now and from what she’d read the last 8 weeks were when the baby gained the most weight - which meant she was going to get even bigger. I’m going to be the size of a house by the end, she thought. 

“What has got into you the past couple of weeks?” He asked, taking a seat beside her on the bed. “We’re getting so close, only 8 more weeks to go. Two months and we get to meet our son.” He touched her belly and smiled. The man lit up everytime he felt the baby move and it was so sweet and touching it almost made her cry. 

Gwen put her hand over his and exhaled slowly. “His room isn’t ready,” she said. “And I haven’t pushed because I’m still so scared something will go wrong. But at the same time I don’t feel ready. I desperately need to feel ready, but how can I ever feel that way when there are a million things that could happen?” 

Nik bent his head and kissed her belly, then lifted to kiss her. “I’ll tell you this as many times as you need to hear it - I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. And we’ll get through this together, no matter what.” 

Gwen lightly touched his face and smile for a moment. “Listen, there’s something I want you to know. If you want out - it’s okay. I won’t hold it against you. If this baby is born with something wrong - you’re free to say ‘no thanks.’ I know you didn’t sign up to look after a sick or needy child for the rest of your life so -“ 

Nik kissed her again to shut her up. “No. Matter. What.” He repeated. “All any parent can hope for is a healthy child who can grow up without any pain or challenges in this world, but do you think parents of Downs babies love them any less? Do you think parents of chronically ill children just walk away?” 

“Some do,” Gwen whispered softly. 

“We don’t,” he replied, lifting her hand and squeezing it. “We’ll love this little boy like he deserves, from now until the day we die.” 

“Thank you,” she said as a tear trickled down her face. She knew they might have this same conversation over and over until the baby was born and they knew for sure. But she also knew that he understood her need for reassurance and he would keep giving it to her every time. When she was weak or scared, he was strong and brave. Someday she would be the strong and brave one for him when he was down about something because that’s just the way it was for them. Like yin and yang. 

“Come on,” he said, standing up. 

“Where are we going?” Gwen asked, sliding out of bed which was a lot more of a struggle than she was used to these days. 

“To the baby’s room. You’re going to tell me what to do and we’re going to start working on it so when our son is born it’s all ready.” Gwen loved how happy he seemed about the whole thing. She knew he was thrilled they were having a boy and his enthusiasm was infectious. 

For the next week they spent most of their time in the baby’s room. They still hadn’t picked a name so she reserved a spot on the wall for a wooden, hand painted sign a friend was going to make her once they decided. Slowly but surely the room was coming along and it was all sorts of amusing for her watching Nik assemble the crib and the basinette and the stroller and all the toys and devices their friends and family had gifted them. She barked orders and he dutifully obeyed - most of the time. She did get a few grumbles and glares here and there but she definitely deserved them. 

“Are you hungry?” Gwen asked one afternoon. 

“Are you?” he replied with a laugh. She was eating everything in sight lately and was always starving. “Just let me finish up setting up this monitor and I’ll be ready for some lunch.” 

“I’ll go start making something,” she offered. Just as she went to take a step she got an intense cramp in her belly. “Oh god,” she moaned, clutching her stomach. As quick as it came it was gone though. 

“Gwen? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Nik was instantly by her side. 

“Yeah I am, I just had a cramp but it’s gone already,” she replied, letting him hold her arm. His face was filled with deep concern. “Nik, I’m fine. It’s gone. It’s probably just, those fake labor pains - uh, Braxton Hicks. The OB warned me that I could start to feel them anytime now.” 

“Maybe you should just sit down for a minute and rest,” he suggested, still looking very worried. 

“Stop. I’m okay, really. I’ll be in the kitchen. I really am hungry so maybe that’s part of it too,” She suggested. 

“I can finish this later,” he said, following her out of the room. Gwen immediately wished he hadn’t been there when she got the cramp because she knew he was going to dote on her the rest of the day at the very least. 

She started to take things out of the fridge and set them on the counter. When she tried to bend to reach something near the bottom, it happened again. “Ahhh fuck,” she hissed. Gwen was doubled over, clutching her stomach. 

“Breathe, just breathe,” Nik said, rubbing her back until the pain was gone. 

Finally she was able to stand up. “I had no idea these Braxton Hicks could be so intense,” she said, exhaling very slowly. 

“Go sit down,” Nik insisted. “I’ll get you a glass of water and then I’ll make lunch for us.” 

“I’m perfectly capable of -“ she protested. 

“Go sit,” he interrupted sternly. 

“Oh fine, whatever,” Gwen grumbled. She waddled her way towards the table. She honestly didn’t believe she would ever waddle, but the past week it felt like her belly was so much heavier, or lower, or something and her body seemed to sway side to side instead of just moving forward. “I’m walking like a damn duck,” she moaned. 

“You’re a really adorable duck,” Nik teased, coming up behind her for a hug. 

“Thanks - I think,” she muttered, leaning back against him into his embrace. He was so incredibly supportive about everything, yet he still knew when to tease her and make her laugh. Although, it did take awhile for him to figure out how far he could push before the hormones took over and the smile turned into waterworks. 

When Nik let her go she took two more steps and then felt something. “What the fuck?” She reached down between her legs and her pants were damp. “I think I just peed my pants.” 

“What?” Nik came around in front of her. “Oh shit. Is it pee? Or did your water break?” 

The panic she felt was instant and intense. “No, it can’t be. No. It’s too early. Nik, make it stop. What are we going to do?” There was no way she could hold back the tears and they were soon rolling down her cheeks. 

“I’ll get some towels for the seat and we’ll get you straight to the hospital.” His voice was calm, but she could see the terror in his eyes. “Are you okay for a second while I grab things?” 

Gwen nodded. She wasn’t okay. Not even close. But she knew she needed to hold it together somewhat so she tried her best. As soon as he left a third cramp hit her and she realized that they probably weren’t Braxton Hicks after all. I’m in labor, she thought, as a new wave of anxiety travelled through her. 

She reached for the back of the chair in front of her and used it for support while she breathed through the pain. It was gone by the time Nik returned. “I’m having contractions,” she said. “Probably about 7-8 minutes apart.” She glanced at her watch so she could make sure to time the next one. She knew what she had to do, she’d read everything, she’d taken birthing classes, she’d asked all the questions she needed to. But now that the moment had arrived it all felt surreal. It was too early. She should have had almost two more months. 

Preterm deliveries. Something she’d read before popped into her mind. Older women were more likely to deliver premature babies. Gwen felt dizzy and reached for Nik’s arm. “We should go,” she said. They started to walk slowly towards the car. 

Her wet pants felt gross and she wished she had changed her clothes, but they were both in too much of a hurry to get to the hospital. “95%,” she said to Nik, as he helped her into the passenger's seat. She sat down on the towels and it felt a lot better. 

“What’s 95%?” He asked. 

“Chance of survival, for the baby,” she replied. “After 32 weeks the chance is survival is 95%.” 

“You don’t need to be thinking about things like that,” Nik said, before running around to the other side of the car. “Everything is going to be fine.”

“It is,” she agreed. “He’s going to be okay.” She wasn’t sure if she believed that but it sounded good. “But listen,” she added as he pulled out of the driveway. “If anything happens to me -“

“Would you stop?” Nik snapped. He’d always been so calm when she went into her doomsday scenarios, but he wasn’t calm right then. He was annoyed with her. 

“You need to listen to me, okay? Just in case, please?” She pleaded. Nik nodded as he turned the corner and sped up. “Our baby, our son - he needs a name. I know what his name is.” She took a deep breath and finally said the name she had chosen weeks ago out loud, “Theodore. Theo.” 

“I love it,” Nik said immediately, filling her with relief. 

“It means gift from God, or divine gift,” she continued. “I know we aren’t very religious, but this baby really is a gift. You gave me this gift,” Gwen added, affectionately rubbing her belly. 

“Does that make me a god?” He joked. Gwen laughed. Yet again, in one of the scariest moments of her life he was right there, making her laugh and smile. 

She knew things weren’t working out the way she’d planned or the way she’d expected, but they rarely had, right from the start, so she really shouldn’t have been surprised. She looked down at her belly and smiled. “Can’t wait to meet you Theo,” she whispered, knowing full well that this was the day they would finally meet their son.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I haven’t been updating as regularly as I should be. But I really hope the chapters are worth the wait when I do. Thank you all for sticking around, it means a lot ❤️❤️

Gwen felt like everything was a blur from the moment she arrived at the hospital until the doctor walked into the room. At some point she had changed into a gown, had an IV put in her hand and was put into bed, but she honestly didn’t remember any of it. All she remembered was the pain - both in her body and in her heart. She was terrified for her baby, her little man, her Theo - and all she wanted was to know that he was going to be okay. The contractions were still coming, but the time between them hadn’t changed too much. 

“Well, it looks like you’re going to be having a baby tonight,” the doctor announced with a smile. He seemed so calm, too calm. 

“What? No, it’s too early. Can’t you stop my labor?” Gwen got out, between breaths as another contraction hit her. 

“I could give you medicine to stop the contractions, but it would only hold them off for a few days and that won’t make much difference. It also will increase the risks of infection since your water broke already,” the doctor explained. “I think the safest option for you both is to deliver this baby as soon as possible.” 

Gwen tried not to panic, but she could feel her breathing become more shallow as waves of anxiety rolled through her. “It’s okay,” Nik whispered into her ear. “It’s going to be fine.” He’d been right there by her side through everything. Even if she could barely remember everything that had happened in the last couple of hours, she knew he hadn’t left her for a second. 

The doctor pressed on her stomach and frowned. “The baby is sideways and I really don’t think the head will engage anytime soon.” 

“What does that mean?” Nik asked, squeezing her hand. She could hear the concern in his voice and squeezed back, offering a little comfort. 

“We should book an OR and do a c-section,” the doctor replied. “It’s common for -“

“Women my age,” Gwen snapped. 

“That’s not what I was going to say,” he replied with a smile. “But it’s an accurate statement.” She glared at him, but he just continued in his calm demeanor. “You have a lot of factors that often result in c-section births just on their own. I know it’s not what you want to hear, and I’m really sorry. But I do believe this is the best option.” She wanted to be angry with him, but he was too damn nice and smiley. “I can give you some time to think about it if you -“

“Just do it,” she interrupted with a sigh. “If it’s best for him then do it.” 

“Book and OR,” the doctor called out. “The nurses will be in to get you ready and the anesthesiologist will come by to do your spinal block.” 

“Spinal block? Wh - what’s that?” she stammered nervously. 

“It’s the type of anesthesia we use. It will numb the lower half of your body so you can remain awake during the surgery and meet your baby when it’s born,” he explained patiently. “After the baby is out they will likely give you something to put you to sleep while they do the sutures, but you’ll be awake again shortly after.” Gwen sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “Do you have any other questions before I go get ready?” 

“Only about a million,” she replied. “But nothing pressing. Go get prepared.” 

The doctor tapped her ankle. “You’re doing amazing. You’re going to be a wonderful mum.” 

There were tears rolling down her cheeks before he was even out of the room. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Nik asked, climbing into the bed with her. He maneuvered around all the cords and wires and pulled her close. 

“I feel like a failure,” she sniffed. “My water broke, I went into early labor and now I can’t even do the birthing part without being cut open.” 

“You’re not a failure,” he replied, stroking her slightly damp hair, which reminded her that she’d actually been in the hot shower earlier too, to try and relieve some of the pain from her contractions and relax her. “You’re incredibly brave and you’re selfless. You’re doing everything you can to keep our son safe and I’m so proud of you.” 

Gwen scoffed. “I’m not doing anything. That’s the problem.” 

“You’re going to let doctors cut into your body so Theo has the best chance at being strong and healthy. You’re suffering through painful contractions with no meds at all. You’re a warrior.” Nik kissed the side of her head and Gwen closed her eyes. A few more tears trickled out but they weren’t the same kind of tears. These new tears were coming from a place of deep love and happiness. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, leaning into him. “Oh fuck,” she groaned, as another contraction started up. She squeezed his hand and took some deep breaths. “I’m regretting the no drugs thing right now,” she hissed through clenched teeth. 

“Breathe,” Nik reminded her. She did and with his help she got through it, just as three nurses came into the room to start prepping her for surgery. Nik kissed her again and then slid out of bed to make room for them to work. 

Once again everything was a blur - except the spinal block procedure. It sounded painful and she was anticipating the pain but all she really felt was a little sting and some pressure. “That’s it?” She asked. 

“Yep,” the anesthesiologist chuckled. “I told you it was nothing.” He eased her down onto the gurney they had brought in. “Now let’s go have a baby,” he added. 

Nik was dressed in scrubs and he was right by her side once again. “Do you get to stay the whole time?” She asked, with a smile as they started to walk. Her legs were starting to feel heavy and getting harder to move already. It was a strange sensation and she felt a sense of panic so she focussed on Nik. 

A nurse answered for him. “He can stay until the baby is out. You’ll get to see your little man for a moment and then we’ll give him to daddy for some skin to skin time while you’re getting sutures. As soon as you’re back in the room we’ll bring him right to you to start feeding. Breast or bottle?” 

“I think I would like to try breast,” Gwen replied. She had mentally prepared herself to bottle feed because she worried her milk wouldn’t come in, even though she’d been reading that age didn’t seem to be a factor with milk supply. 

They wheeled her into the OR and there was a team of doctors waiting. “Your spinal should be fully working in another 5 minutes,” the anesthesiologist said. Gwen tried to move her legs but couldn’t budge them at all. She could still feel them but it was a heavy feeling that was hard to explain because it was like nothing she had experienced before. “We’ll just get you all prepped and then I’ll check the feeling in your lower half and make sure we’re ready.”

As the doctors and nurses puttered around she looked over and Nik and reached out for his hand. “I think I’m having a contraction,” she said, but the spinal had taken effect enough that all she could feel was a bit of tightening and no more pain. Nik held her hand and smiled at her. “Can you believe that in a few minutes our baby will be here?” She asked. 

Nik shook his head. “I definitely wasn’t ready yet, but I’m getting there.” He was sitting beside the table, at her head so he was upside down. There was a little tent in place blocking both of them from seeing where they would make the incision and the baby would come out, though she was pretty sure he could watch if he stood up. 

The nervousness she was feeling earlier was starting to fade, replaced by a buzz of excitement instead. She couldn’t wait to see what their son looked like, to hold him, and feed him, and she couldn’t wait to see the look on Nik’s face when he laid eyes on his son for the very first time. She already seen how he looked at his girls and it was beautiful, so she was really excited to see that same look when he gazed upon the child they made - well, not in the traditional way, but genetically he was all theirs. 

“Gwen, can you feel this?” The doctor asked. She shook her head when she didn’t feel anything. “How about this?” Still nothing, so she shook her head again. “Good, I think we’re ready to start.” 

Before she had a chance to say anything they were already working. She felt movement and some pressure, a bit of tugging but no pain whatsoever. “And he’s out.” Gwen felt tears sting her eyes. How could it possibly be that quick? 

She didn’t hear any crying though and the more time that passed the more she started to worry. She could tell Nik was worrying too because his grip on her hand had tightened and the smile that had been on his face was gone. “What’s going on?” She asked. No one answered, but she heard the first wail and relief filled her. Her son was crying. That had to be a good sign. “Oh thank God,” she whispered, looking up at Nik with a smile. He was standing now, but he wasn’t smiling back at her. He looked terrified. “Nik? What’s wrong?” 

He didn’t speak, but she heard a flurry of other voices saying things she didn’t understand at first about scores and coloring. “Clear his passages and then get him on some O2. Let her see and then straight to the NIC-U. Move people.” The sound of the doctor’s voice was enough to cause bile to roll up in her throat. 

She desperately wanted to sit up, she wanted to move - she needed to see what was happening. She needed to see her baby. “Theo?” she whispered, through her tears. “Nik, please - what’s going on?” 

“He’s beautiful,” Nik said, squeezing her hand. But he didn’t smile - not yet. And he didn’t look down at her. 

Gwen had never felt more helpless in her entire life. I need to do something, her mind screamed. But she couldn’t even wiggle a toe, let alone move her legs or sit up. “Quick, quick,” she heard someone say. 

Then all of a sudden the doctor appeared above her. “We need to get this little guy to the Neonatal unit and run some tests,” he said calmly. His voice was completely different than it was seconds ago and she realized that he must put on a show for families, to keep them calm. “His breathing is labored and we need to figure out why.” 

He stepped aside and a nurse popped into view with a blanket. “Here’s your son,” she said with a smile, holding him where Gwen could see. Her heart melted into a puddle when she laid eyes on the perfect, sweet little boy with cheeks pink from his cries and his little fist balled up near his mouth. She was in love. One look and she knew she would go to the ends of the earth to make sure he was safe, protected and had everything he ever needed or wanted. 

She hadn’t even noticed the tubes at first or the tiny plastic that was up his nose giving him oxygen, but when she did she gasped for air. “Oh my God,” she got out, choked instantly with so many tears that she couldn’t see him anymore, which only made her cry harder. The nurse moved him closer so his cheeks were touching hers, just for a split second, and then he was gone. “No,” she cried, wanting nothing but to feel his skin on hers one more time. 

“We’ll get you to him as soon as we can,” the doctor said. “But right now we need to get you closed up and get him to the NIC-U.” 

“Nikolaj, come with us,” another voice called out. 

He looked down at Gwen. The last time he’d been looking down at her his eyes were happy, so filled with joy and love - but not anymore. The man was terrified, anguished and he clearly didn’t know what to do. “Go. Go be with our son,” she said, letting go of his hand. 

“He’s going to be fine,” Nik said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “He’s already beaten so many odds - this is just one more thing he’s going to fight through.” His words didn’t match the look on his face but she appreciated that he was trying. 

The flurry of activity around them hadn’t stopped. “Go,” she whispered again, touching his cheek briefly. 

“I love you,” Nik replied as he turned and jogged out of the room, trying to catch up. 

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the anesthesiologist put something in her IV. “I love you t - “ Gwen didn’t even finish what she was trying to say before her eyelids felt heavy. The last thing she remembered was that little cheek touching hers and she was out.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t want to make you wait too long for the next chapter so I whipped this one up 😂 It’s not overly eventful, but I wanted to really try to show the emotions Gwen would be feeling with everything going on. I hope I was able to convey things well. 
> 
> I think I’m going to wrap this one up very soon with one or possibly two more chapters. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Waking up after the surgery was a strange process. She could hear voices at first, but they seemed far away and then they would fade to nothing. That happened several times before she could finally see some blurry, bright images. “Gwen?” It was Nik. She recognized his voice, but she couldn’t seem to answer. And then it was all black again. The next time she saw light and heard his voice again the images started to come into focus. “Hey, hi,” Nik said, smiling at her. 

Gwen felt her entire body start to shake, but she didn’t feel that cold. “Th - Th - Theo,” she got out between the shakes and shivering. 

“Nurse!” Nik looked panicked. “What’s wrong with her? Is she having a seizure?” 

The nurse pulled up her blanket and tucked it around her. “Post op shivers and shaking are perfectly normal,” she explained. “It can last up to 15 minutes, but it will pass.”

“Th - Theo?” She asked again. 

The nurse nodded. “He’s in the NICU. They ran some tests and did a chest X-ray. We should know something soon and the doctor will come see you.” 

Gwen couldn’t stop the tears. Why was this happening? All she wanted was to hold her son - he needed her. “He - n - needs - t - to - eat,” she said. She was a complete mess of sniffling and shaking and snorting. 

The nurse lightly stroked her hair. “Sweetie, he can’t feed until we get his breathing sorted out. We won’t know for sure until the test results are in, but it might be a few days.” 

Nik took her hand. “How does he -“ His voice drifted off. 

The nurse understood the question without him finishing. “IV and possibly a feeding tube if the breathing problems last more than a few hours.” 

Gwen squeezed her eyes shut and felt several tears slip out, followed immediately by more. She couldn’t seem to stop. The floodgates were wide open. “Why is this happening? What did I do wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Nik said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not your fault.” 

“We have an amazing team of doctors and nurses in the NICU. I promise you he’s in really good hands. He’s going to get the best care in the city,” the nurse assured her. 

Just then a doctor came in, not one of the doctors from the delivery, a new face. “I have an update,” she said. Gwen felt like she could barely breathe, but she managed to control the bawling with continuous deep breaths and a tight grip on Nik’s hand. “Theo has a condition called Transient Tachypnea.” 

“Oh God,” Gwen gasped, as the tears started to flow again. It was driving her crazy that she couldn’t control herself. It made her feel weak, and not being able to feed her baby made her feel helpless. 

“This is actually good news,” the doctor added. “It’s basically excess fluid on the lungs and it’s usually gone within 3 to 4 days.” 

“3 to 4 days,” she repeated, trying to figure out how that was good news. 

The doctor nodded. “I promise you this is good news. He won’t need pulmonary surgery, he won’t need to be put on a ventilator, and many of the other possibilities could have taken weeks, not days.” 

“It’s good news,” Nik repeated, taking her face in his hands to kiss her forehead. The shaking had finally stopped, but she was starting to feel cold so she clung to him for both heat and comfort. 

“So what now? When can we see him? Hold him?” Gwen asked, her voice breaking at the end. She was so desperate to see Theo she was surprised she could even put coherent sentences together. 

“His breathing is too rapid and strained to eat right now so we are going to have to put him on an IV drip for fluids and put in a feeding tube to get him some nutrients,” the doctor explained. “I’ll send for you both as soon as that’s done and I don’t see any reason why you won’t be able to hold him and have some kangaroo time.” 

“Kangaroo?” Nik looked confused. 

“I’ll explain,” the nurse said to the doctor so she could leave. “That’s what we call skin to skin contact,” she told them. “We’ll put him on your chest and cover you up. It’s amazing bonding time and both parents can give it a try. Babies respond really well to it.” 

“That sounds incredible,” Gwen sniffed, as more tears rolled down her cheeks. “Oh my God,” she moaned. “Why can’t I stop crying?” 

The nurse laughed. “That’s perfectly normal too. It’s a combination of the hormones, the anesthesia, and the trauma of what you’re going through right now. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing amazing - truly.”

Gwen knew it took a special person to be a nurse, and this woman was the epitome of special. “Thank you,” she said softly. 

“Listen, I’m going to give you two a few minutes alone, but I have an idea. Would I be right to assume you’re feeling a bit helpless right now Love?” Gwen bobbed her head right away. “Well, I think I have a way to help with that. When I come back I’m going to bring a breast pump. You won’t be able to nurse him quite yet, but we can give him your breast milk through the feeding tube. Research has shown that there are special nutrients in mom’s milk that can really help premature babies. Would you like to give it a try?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Gwen replied, feeling hopeful and excited for the first time. 

“Okay, I’ll be back soon,” she said with a smile and a wave. 

“She’s incredible,” Nik commented when the nurse left. “And so are you,” he added, wiping tears from her cheeks. 

“I’m not. I’m a complete fucking disaster,” Gwen replied, looking into his eyes. 

“You’re not. Not even close,” he disagreed. “You just gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy I have ever laid eyes on. Seriously Gwen, he’s perfect. He’s gorgeous. He has your eyes and I’m pretty sure once they wash his hair it’ll be blonde.” She could see tears in his eyes along with complete and utter adoration. “I have never loved you more than I do in this moment,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss her tenderly. “Thank you for bringing our son into this world. Thank you for being brave and strong. And thank you for letting me be a part of your life.” 

Gwen was too choked up with emotion to reply. She could never have imagined that they would be where they were right then, but now that they were - she couldn’t imagine it being any different. “I love you too,” was the best she could manage. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked. 

Gwen looked down and wiggled her toes. “I can move my feet now but my legs still feel heavy, like they weigh a ton, a bit tingly too,” she explained. “And I’m kind of tired,” she yawned. “Dizzy feeling too.” 

Nik nodded. “They told me you might feel dizzy from the propo - something - I can’t remember the name of the drug. They gave you it to relax you while they got the placenta out and stitched you up. The doctor was worried that you would be feeling too much stress and anxiety over the baby so they wanted to keep you calm.” 

Things were making more sense. “So that’s why I was asleep,” she muttered. “It was confusing because I thought I was supposed to be awake the whole time.” 

“They said you might throw up too. How’s your stomach feeling?” He asked. 

“A little queasy actually, but I think I’ll be okay,” she said reaching down. “Oh,” she gasped in shock, flipping back the blanket to look at her stomach. It was strange looking. Still quite large, but not the same as when Theo was still in there. It felt so weird. “I can’t feel him moving anymore. I was so used to that feeling and now it’s gone.” There was a sadness with that realization that struck her and she almost started crying again. She had no idea how hard this part was going to be. There were so many changes and so much going on. “I can’t do this,” she said suddenly. 

“Do what? Gwen? What’s wrong?” Nik asked, but she barely heard him. Panic was setting in. Her heart was racing and her entire body felt hot. “Gwen, I’m right here. Right beside you. I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was suddenly calm and reassuring. “Take some long, slow deep breaths,” he said. She focussed on the sound of his voice - his calm, soothing voice. The voice of the man she loved with her whole heart. And then she breathed. In and out. In and out. Slowly. “That’s it, deep breath in - and let it all out.” 

She had no idea how long they breathed for, but when she opened up her eyes her heart was back to normal and she felt calm. “That hasn’t happened to me for a very long time,” she said. “But you were with me the last time too. You remembered everything I needed.” 

“Of course,” he said gently. “Are you okay now? Is there anything else I can get you?” 

“No, I’m fine. Just stay close, that’s all.” Gwen hated that she was feeling so needy and codependent but she knew she needed to get used to asking for and receiving help because she just had major surgery and had a baby to raise. She needed Nik and so did Theo. And she had no doubt that he would be there every step of the way. 

The nurse returned with a breast pump and they got her all set up. Afterwards Gwen wasn’t impressed by how little she had produced but the nurse assured her it was enough to get started and she would produce more next time. “This is wonderful Gwen, you did so great.” Everyone was so reassuring everytime she felt like a huge failure. “You need to start giving yourself some credit. You’re a warrior - don’t ever forget that.” 

When her and Nik were alone again she closed her eyes. “I’m a warrior,” she repeated, out loud. “I’m a Queen,” she added. “A fucking warrior queen.”

When she opened her eyes Nik was giving her an amused smirk. “Your grace,” he said with a nod. 

“Shut up,” she giggled. Swatting at him. “Actually, you may kiss your queen,” Gwen added, tilting her face up to him. Their lips met and any bit of anxiety she still had left floated away. “Shit,” she gasped, breaking away from him as something struck her. “My Mum. I didn’t call her. She has no idea. Where’s my phone.” 

“Relax,” Nik soothed her. “I have already called her twice now. I said we would update her further as soon as we get a chance to see Theo.” 

Gwen let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you. You’re pretty amazing you know.” She gazed lovingly at him. 

“Okay,” a voice interrupted the moment. “I have an adorable baby boy in the NIC U that’s waiting to snuggle with his parents. Are you ready?” 

“Yes,” they both replied in unison. The damn tears were back again, but this time she didn’t care because she was finally going to get to hold her son for the first time and nothing else mattered.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go! This one is pretty long but I’m trying to capture the emotions and confusion and ups and downs of having a baby and what Gwen might be feeling because of the hormones. Hope you guys like it ❤️

They had to wheel Gwen to the NICU in her bed. They wouldn’t be getting her up until the next morning to try walking. But it was perfect because she could lay back, nice and comfortable (thanks to the strong painkillers they were feeding her through the IV) and finally get a chance to snuggle with her baby. 

“There are lots of tubes and wires,” the nurse explained on the way. “It looks scary but don’t be alarmed and don’t be afraid to hug him close. He’s on monitors so if anything is jarred it will alert us and we can fix it right away.” 

“Thank you,” Gwen said, taking a deep breath. As she was rolled past some people in the hallway it finally happened - she was recognized. She had no doubt the nurses and doctors knew who she was, Nik too of course, but they had treated them like any other patient. She didn’t see that star struck look or the way they leaned in and whispered, trying not to point or stare too hard. 

“Great,” she muttered, looking at Nik. One glance and she knew he’d noticed too. 

“Focus on Theo,” he whispered, squeezing the hand he was holding. 

When they got to the room there was a little square box with a squirming baby inside. They had brought Theo to a room to give them a chance to bond in private. But the room was far from empty. There were monitors and an IV pole and tubes and wires and so much stuff - all for the little teeny tiny boy in that box. 

For about the millionth time she felt tears fill her eyes. At first they were fearful tears, but the second she got closer and she saw her son they immediately changed to tears of joy. “He’s gorgeous,” she sniffed, pawing at the stream of warm liquid running down her cheeks. 

Less than a minute later the nurse gently placed the baby on her chest. Gwen has to fight to hold herself together. He was perfect. He was warm and squirmy and he kept making funny snorting noises but he was an absolute miracle, a precious gift - and he was all hers. Well, hers and Nik’s, but that was one person, no - the only person, she was willing to share him with. 

The nurse adjusted the oxygen tubes in his little nose and made sure all the wires were in place and then she covered them up with a warm blanket. “Hi sweet boy,” she whispered, touching his soft cheek on the side that didn’t have tubes taped to it. 

The feeling of holding her son was better than she could have ever imagined. People had told her since she first got pregnant that holding your child for the first time is incredible, she knew it would be, but it was so far beyond her expectations. “I’m so in love,” she said, looking up at Nik. 

“Me too,” he agreed. He gently stroked her hair and then leaned down and placed a tender kiss on Theo’s tiny head. 

“He’s so small,” she breathed, marveling at how light and petite he was. 

“Actually, I heard the doctors say he’s quite big for how early he was born,” Nik informed her. “They said if he went to term he certainly would have been at least 4 and a half kilos.” 

“Oh thank God I didn’t have to push that out,” she replied with a smile. “I guess I didn’t push anything out,” she added, feeling the disappointment again. She really wanted to experience natural child birth and couldn’t help but feel a little weak for having the surgery. Not that she really had a choice in the matter. 

“Warrior queen,” Nik said, giving her a look. 

She nodded and smiled up at him. “Yes, you’re right.” She silently stared at the sleeping, snorting baby. She could tell he was struggling to breath and she wished there was something she could do to help him. Her maternal instinct was already in full force and all she wanted to do was protect him. “Those people in the hallway -” She started. 

“Don’t,” Nik interrupted. “Don’t give them a second thought.” 

“I can’t help it,” she sighed. “What if they tell some news outlet and our news is shared without our consent yet again?” 

“Gwen,” he said gently. “This is part of living the life we live. You know that. If you want to be an actress and a model - if you want to work in the public eye - you have to take what comes with it. I know it sucks sometimes, but we do what we can and the rest - you just have to let it go so it doesn’t drive you crazy.” 

“How can you be so blase about this?” She huffed. 

“I’m not taking it lightly at all, don’t get me wrong. I don’t even get celebrity culture. I don’t understand why people care about our lives when they have lives of their own to worry about,” he explained. “I’ll never understand why a photo with me or my name scribbled on a piece of paper means so much to people - but the fact of the matter is - it does, and that will never change. We just have to live with it.” 

“I just - I want to shield him and protect him from all of that,” she said softly. “I want to give him the choice, not force him into our world.” 

“We can try, if you want, but is it really worth the stress?” His voice was kind and curious, not matter of fact at all. He truly was asking and making it a conversation. “It’s not like we’re Kim and Kanye or anything like that,” he said with a smile. “Swarms of paparazzi aren’t going to be chasing us down anytime soon.” 

“If you actually took a half decent role again they might be,” she said, giving him a look. Nik had so much wasted talent and she reminded him of it all the time. But he just didn’t enjoy the added attention of being on a hit cable series and was quite happy to take smaller indie roles. 

“Make up your mind woman,” he teased. 

Gwen sighed and rubbed her temples, feeling a stress headache coming on. “Let’s revisit this later,” she said. “It’s something we need to talk through and decide together and I just can’t focus enough right now.” As the words came out she finished with a yawn. 

“Why don’t you close your eyes for a few minutes,” he suggested. 

“I can’t, what if I drop him?” She asked, yawning again. 

Nik gently climbed into the bed and sat beside her. “I’ll be right here. He’ll be fine. Get some rest. The doctor said when those pain meds kick in you’re going to feel really tired. Don’t fight it.” He kissed her cheek and carefully slipped his arm just under hers so he was supporting Theo too. 

Gwen nodded again and with a touch as light as a feather she stroked the thin hair on Theo’s little head. He actually had a good head of hair for a newborn, definitely blonde, but it was soft and so delicate to the touch. 

She leaned against Nik and with the rhythmic stroking she felt her eyelids get heavy. She fought it for a few minutes not wanting to miss a second with Theo, but eventually she nodded off. A scream and crying woke her with a start. “Theo?” He was gone from her chest and she could hear him screaming. She felt instantly panicked. 

“He’s okay,” Nik said. As she fully woke and took in her surroundings she could see that Nik was holding Theo and there was a woman in a lab coat holding his foot. 

“We’re just doing a heel prick test to get some blood and make sure everything looks okay,” the lady explained. 

“What a barbaric way to get blood,” Gwen commented, watching as she squeezed out blood from Theo’s heel and put drops onto a piece of paper. 

“I promise it’s not that bad,” she said. “See, we’re already done.” She wiped the heel and some pressure there with a piece of gauze. Theo stopped crying right away and the lab tech left a few minutes later. 

“Do you want him back?” Nik asked, softly swaying back and forth with Theo tucked into his chest. She noticed he was shirtless. “I actually snuck him away about 20 minutes ago.” 

“How long was I sleeping?” she asked, with a yawn. 

“A little over 3 hours,” he replied with a smile. “The nurse was here to see if you wanted to pump again, but we didn’t want to wake you.” 

“You keep him for now and I’ll do the pumping,” Gwen replied. They called the nurse back and Gwen started to expel some of her milk with the pump. She was surprised by how heavy her breasts were already and how much better they felt after pumping. She was also impressed by how much more milk they got this time and felt much better about her efforts. 

They were allowed to stay with Theo until late evening and then headed back to Gwen’s room where there was a little cot set up for Nik to spend the night with her. “I don’t like leaving him,” she said with a pout. 

“It won’t be too much longer and we’ll be able to take him home,” Nik replied. 

“Well I’m not ready for that,” she said, feeling anxiety creeping in. There was something safe about being in the hospital with professionals who could help if anything went wrong. She had expected to want to get out of there as quickly as possible and get home with their new baby, but now that he was sick and so small and she was cut open - she had changed her mind. She knew it would be a few more days still anyway, but she suspected that she would still be in a state of panic when it was time to take Theo home. 

He laughed and shook his head. “You’re all over the place,” he teased. She knew he was only kidding, but his words hit too close to home and Gwen broke down. “Oh my God, Gwen? I was kidding, I swear. You’re fine. You’re amazing. You’re perfect - I swear.” 

“I know you were,” she got out. “I just can’t control my emotions. I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind. I’m happy, so happy, but I also feel this deep, dark sadness that I don’t understand. It’s hovering over me, looming above my head like it might fall and cover me in blackness at any time.” Her mood was dark, but she had to be honest with him because she needed him to keep her above the surface. 

“What can I do?” Nik asked. “I’ll do anything you want, give you anything you need - I just need some guidance here.” She could see the desperation in his eyes and it did make her feel a little bit lighter to know he cared that much. 

“I wish I knew what to tell you,” Gwen said sadly. 

“I have a couple of ideas,” he replied. 

“Nik,” she sighed. “My stomach was just sliced open and there’s a ridiculous amount of blood coming out of my vagina - it’s going to be a long time before we can do those things.” 

He pretended he was wounded. “Why must you assume my ideas always involve sex?”

“Because they always do,” she stated. 

He chuckled. “That’s fair. But this time I actually have a good idea. He pulled out his phone and then passed it over to her. “Your mum said to call as soon as you have a chance, even if it’s late. She needs to hear your voice and I think maybe you need to hear hers too.” 

Gwen took the phone and smiled. “Thank you.” She dialed her Mum and after a 20 minute heart to heart she really did feel a lot better. “I think I’m ready to sleep now,” she said, holding the phone out to him. He was already lying in bed but got up to take it and came over to give her a gentle hug and a warm, tender kiss goodnight. 

“Perfect, because part two of my plan was that you really need a good sleep. I know it sucks to be away from Theo, but if he was here we would be awake every couple of hours. You just had major surgery and a very, very emotional day. I think a good night’s rest will do you wonders.” He was looking at her with such love in his eyes that it made her heart ache with joy. 

“I love you so much,” she whispered. 

“Love you too, now sleep. Relax, rest, and be ready to face another day tomorrow.” Gwen closed her eyes and was asleep in no time, even though her butt was aching from the way she had to lay there, her back felt itchy and she desperately wanted a shower. Sleep consumed her and when she opened her eyes again there was daylight coming in the window and a nurse fussing with her IV tube. 

“Good morning,” she said brightly. “I’m just flushing this out and then I’ll put your pain meds in. And then,” she drew out the last word. “It’s time to see if we can get you up on your feet and maybe have a seat over in that chair for your breaky.” 

She didn’t notice Nik was already up until she saw him emerge from the bathroom, his hair freshly washed, smelling of soap. “I hate you,” she grumbled, glaring at him. 

The nurse laughed. “If you can up and moving you can have a shower this afternoon.” 

“Really?” Gwen asked, feeling ridiculously excited about soap and water. 

“Yes of course,” she nodded. “You will need help, but it’s a good thing to get in there and get the incision cleaned up right away.” 

Gwen realized in that moment and over the next three days that she had so much to learn. Everything was new. Getting out of bed the first time was a nightmare, as was learning how to sit up without causing a stabbing pain in her stomach. But over time and with practice she got better - she learned - and things got easier. 

Nik was the best helper she could ask for. He got in the shower with her and helped wash her hair and body. He was always there to hold her arm and steady her when she walked. He went out and got her food when she didn’t like what the hospital gave her. And most importantly, they learned how to take care of Theo together. He showed her how to change the diaper and encouraged her, even when the damn thing nearly fell off the first few tries. They both got pee in the face before they learned how to cover him in time. “That was never an issue with girls,” Nik chuckled, wiping baby pee off his nose and hand. 

There were so many ups and downs. Breastfeeding didn’t go well at all and she couldn’t get Theo to latch on. Once again she felt like a failure until she watched Nik bottle feeding and how happy and exciting it was for him to get to feed their son. She knew she could still pump and provide the breastmilk for Theo to drink, so she finally allowed herself to let go of the guilt. The first time she held him and put the bottle in his mouth she felt so much better. It didn’t really matter how Theo got the food, the important part was that he was fed and given everything he needed. 

“Look on the bright side,” Nik offered, when she was getting down on herself. “This means I can get up during the night and help with feedings too and you can get more sleep than you would have.” It was definitely a perk of bottle feeding she decided. 

The doctors were really happy with Theo’s progress and the final night in the hospital he stayed in their room for the first time. It was a long night with very little sleep, but Gwen was so happy to have him there with them that she didn’t care at all. She’d had plenty of rest with Theo being in the NICU and she loved being able to feed him when he woke and change him when he needed it. 

The next morning, 4 days after she’d given birth the moment she had been craving and dreading finally arrived - it was time to go home. “I’m scared,” she admitted to Nik as they strapped the tiny little baby into the car seat with a special extra padding for premies and small infants to keep him snug. 

“Me too, but we’re going to be fine. We can do this,” he said confidently. 

“Easy for you to say, you’ve done it before,” she commented, trying not to sound too bitter. 

“Well then, I guess you have my expert help now don’t you?” He wasn’t letting her get him down at all and Gwen was thankful. 

Her heart was pounding when they put the carrier in the back seat of the car. “Maybe I should sit in the back with him.” 

“You can if you want, but he’s fast asleep,” Nik said with a shrug. “If he wakes up I can pull over.” 

“Okay,” she agreed, carefully getting herself into the car. The pain in her stomach wasn’t as bad as she expected, but every once in a while there was a movement that made her feel like she was being stabbed. “We’re not ready,” she gasped, almost causing Nik to swerve. “We didn’t even finish the room. We don’t have enough diapers. We need bottles and nipples and those blankets for when he pukes on us, and -”

“Easy,” Nik interrupted. “Let’s just get home and we can make a plan okay? I can run out and get anything we need. It’s going to be okay.” He held her hand the rest of the way home and calmed her down everytime she started to freak out again. She had talked to a therapist in the hospital who explained how her hormones were crazy right now and it could cause anything from depression to anxiety to insomnia and more - and that it was perfectly normal. If it didn’t even out in a few weeks and she was still feeling off she had the woman’s number and could set up an appointment. 

When they pulled into the drive she immediately recognized her mum’s car in the drive, along with another vehicle and she looked at Nik with a smile. “What have you done?” He just shrugged and smiled at her as she watched her mum, Safina and Filippa come out of the house and start walking towards the car. Nik leaned over and kissed her cheek and then hopped out of the car. She watched him hug all three women as she opened her door and started to work out getting out. 

“Do you need some help?” Safina asked, coming over quickly. 

“I’ll be okay,” Gwen assured her. “I’m just slow.” 

The other four of them started gathering things from the car to take inside - after the three ladies oooohhhed and aaaahhhed over Theo for a while. Once everything was inside Nik came back to help her walk in. “They finished the nursery and went out and bought everything we need. It’s all set up and ready Gwen. The poor baby is going to get passed around like a joint for a while, but they promised all we have to do is say the word and they will give us some space. I hope you’re okay with them being here?” 

“Honestly, I’m relieved,” she admitted. One of the things she worried about was being alone or feeling lonely after having people around constantly at the hospital. She didn’t understand it because she longed for privacy too and a few minutes all to herself. Her moods were so strange and confusing. “Would it be wrong if we let them look after Theo for a little while and just went to our room and took a nap together?” She asked, feeling bad for even suggesting it. 

“Not at all. Those three are like kids at Christmas right now and they would be more than happy to snuggle him while we rest. It was a long night last night,” he said with a laugh. “And I don’t expect tonight, or tomorrow night will be much different.” 

“Thank you,” she said squeezing his hand. She didn’t admit that it was more than just the lack of sleep. She was feeling this deep desire for some time alone with him. He’d held her in the shower that morning, just the two of them hugging with hot water washing over them and it was so refreshing. She loved Theo more than anything, but every once in a while a little bit of resentment crept in because she missed it being just her and Nik. It was ridiculous and she hated herself for feeling that way, but she couldn’t help it. Gwen knew the road ahead would be challenging, but she was confident they would get through it - together - if Nik could handle riding the emotional rollercoaster she was on.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this one has finally come to an end! I really hope the last chapter does the story justice and wraps it up in a nice way that everyone feels good about. Obviously it could have gone on and on but it felt like the right time to finish it up. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and for your kind, inspiring words. I appreciate you all so much 😘😘

It was the worst fight they had ever had. They both said things, awful things, that they didn’t mean, but couldn’t take back. Gwen knew it was because they were both completely exhausted and could barely function, but it didn’t stop her from screaming at him like a lunatic. 17 weeks and Theo was still feeding every 2-3 hours during the night, but because he was a premie he was still considered a newborn even past the 3 month age and he needed the frequent feeding to continue to put on weight. 

The fight started when Nik brought up moving Theo out of their room and into his own room - the nursery that was ready for him since they arrived home. “I love our son, but he sounds like a snort hog when he sleeps,” Nik said. “He’s so loud with all those snores and grunts and sighs. We would both sleep so much better if he was in his own room. And it wouldn’t feel weird when we have sex,” he added. 

That’s what really set her off. “That’s all you care about,” she accused him. “But you don’t have to worry about him making you uncomfortable because we won’t be having sex with you sleeping on the fucking couch.” 

The fight just got worse from there. There was yelling and insults and tears and Gwen had to restrain herself from throwing something at him. It wasn’t until Theo started wailing that the fight ended. Gwen picked him up and rocked him gently. “It’s okay sweet boy,” she cooed. Then she looked coldly at Nik and said, “couch.” 

He grabbed his pillow and ripped the comforter off the bed, the comforter that they shared, then mumbled something she couldn’t make out under his breath as he left. She would have screamed in frustration if she wasn’t holding Theo in her arms. 

Gwen calmed the baby, fed him and laid him down to sleep in his little bassinet beside the bed. Then she angrily climbed into bed before she remembered that she didn’t have a comforter anymore. “Fucking asshole,” she muttered. She got out of bed again and went to the walk-in closet to find another blanket and then got back in bed a second time. 

Of course she couldn’t sleep so she laid there and stewed over all the mean things Nik had said to her. She also thought about what she’d said to him and the guilt started to creep in, no matter how hard her anger tried to push it away. The last few months had been hard, probably the hardest of her life. She needed sleep and even when Nik would try to give it to her by offering to do all the feedings or suggest she have an afternoon nap - it still wouldn’t come. When Theo cried she woke up and it took forever to fall asleep again so it always felt like she had only been sleeping a few minutes before he was crying again. 

There had truly been some amazing moments too though, and the good far outweighed the bad. She swelled with pride every time she got to introduce her little man to someone new. Her friends and family, and Nik’s family had all been absolutely amazing. His sisters along with Safina and Filippa had thrown them a baby shower and Theo was absolutely spoiled. Many of her friends had dropped by and several of their old cast mates from Game of Thrones. Both Lena and Alfie took Theo for a long walk when they visited to give her and Nik some alone time. And Emilia spent the night and kept Theo by her side in the living room so they could actually have a full night to sleep. It was by far one of the most amazing gifts. 

She fell more in love with their son every single day and she knew Nik did too. Gwen already knew from seeing him with his daughters that he was an incredible father, but watching him with Theo was completely different for her. She got to see his patience and how much tenderness he had in him. Not to mention how supportive he’d been to her. He did everything she asked without question - until tonight she thought bitterly. 

Gwen tossed and turned. It was nice to finally be able to roll over without that pinching feeling in her lower stomach. All in all she had healed well and rather quickly from the c-section, but there was still some pain now and again that the doctor said might take a while to completely go away.

She thought about the fight again. He’s never asked for anything from you, a little voice inside her head said. Just this one thing. Gwen’s stomach flip flopped. She hated the idea of Theo being down the hall instead of right beside her. They had done the research and they knew there were two very different sides on the argument as to when you should move a baby to their own room. Some suggested 6 months to a year, or even longer before they should be moved, while the other side said it should be done before 6 months and even a few weeks old was perfectly fine. 

You’re scared, the voice said. “Tell me something I don’t know,” Gwen muttered. But what she realized was - it didn’t matter if they moved him that very night or waited several months, it was going to be hard and it was going to be scary until they got used to it. She did have to admit that it was a bit weird having a baby in the room when they were having sex. It wasn’t like the little guy had any clue what was going on, but just knowing he was there made it a little more tense than it should be. She had read many articles that said it was perfectly fine, yet it still felt - well, wrong. She was quite certain they would have made love far more frequently if Theo was in the nursery instead. 

She tossed and turned longer and the guilt finally won. Gwen flipped back the covers and stomped to the living room. “Come back to bed I can’t sleep,” she announced. 

“I’m good here,” came the reply, from somewhere in the dark. 

“Fine, I’m sorry okay?” It was a cranky and terrible apology, she knew it. “Nik, I really am sorry,” she said in a softer voice. She didn’t apologize often so she hoped he knew it was genuine. She saw his shadow sit up on the couch and she wandered over to sit beside him. “Tomorrow night we can try moving him to his own room and see how it goes, okay?” She said, laying a hand on his knee. “I can’t promise I’m going to be okay with it, but I’m at least willing to try. That’s the best I can offer right now.” 

Nik nodded and laid his hand over hers. “I’ll take it,” he said softly. “And I’m sorry too - I said some really awful things and I swear I didn’t mean them. I was just angry and tired.” 

“I know, me too.” She leaned forward and touched her head to his. The intimacy of the moment and the two of them alone in the living room created a stirring inside her. She was exhausted when she walked into the room, but suddenly felt wide awake. 

Nik must have been feeling the same because the next thing she knew his lips were on hers and he was leaning back, pulling her down on top of him. Gwen straddled him and rocked her hips against his groin as they kissed passionately. It suddenly struck her that it had been a really long time since they’d actually kissed each other like that. Sex was different now because they never knew how long they would have before they were interrupted, but she just put Theo to sleep and she was confident they had at least two hours. She left the door open and he was loud when he cried so they would most certainly hear him. 

She continued to move her body against his groin and in no time she could feel his erection, thick and hard, pressing right between her legs. The desire she had for him had never changed. If anything it only grew stronger every passing day. Waiting 6 weeks after she had the baby to have sex had been torture - they only made it 5, but they were very careful. 

Part of her wanted to rip off her underwear, shove his down and ride him like a bull, but she found the restraint to go slow because they actually had time to really enjoy it - and it was so nice just to kiss him and feel the intimacy of sharing themselves in that way. His hands travelled over her hips and up her back, gathering the material of her nightgown as they went. They broke the kiss for a moment so he could pull it off over her head, but resumed as soon as it was gone. She brushed her breasts on his chest, feeling her nipples grow hard. They were so much more sensitive than before and just gazing them on his body was incredibly arousing. So much so that she was about to get herself off rubbing her clit against his shaft - even with both of them still wearing underwear. 

“Oh God,” Gwen gasped, sitting up to press into him even more and find the exact angle she needed. There was a swirling feeling burning deep in her belly, moving down into her groin. Nik lifted his hips giving her even better access to grind against him and soon she was panting, just barely holding on. “I’m going to come,” she gasped, right before the orgasm hit her and her entire body shook and shuddered. She could feel how wet and slippery she was between her legs and she didn’t even take time to recover before she stood up and stipped off her panties, then pushed his underwear down and climbed back on. She needed him inside her, deep inside. 

Nik held his cock at the right angle and she sunk down his shaft slowly, feeling the ache of desire grow even stronger as he filled her. When he was all the way inside she didn’t move. Her pussy was contracting, throbbing and clenching his dick with strong pulses. “Fuck,” he hissed. “That feels so good,” Nik moaned, closing his eyes and holding her hips so she couldn’t move if she wanted to. 

The throbbing slowly weakened and then faded away. It was time to move. The first time she lifted up and sank back down his shaft Gwen was shocked by just how wet and slippery she was. Her body was flooded with lubrication and she easily slid up and down his thick shaft. 

Her hormones were raging still, even after her release moments earlier, but she kept things slow and easy. Nik pulled her down to his mouth and then took over the slow, deep thrusts as they kissed. She loved everything about the encounter, from the fact that they weren’t in the bedroom to the way she felt more connected to him than she had in a very long time. Their bodies were united as one and it reminded her that they needed to be united as parents too. They were great at communicating with their bodies, they always had been, but it was more important than ever for them to talk about their thoughts, ideas and feelings. 

As he started to speed up Gwen gasped and moved her lips to his ear. “I love you so much,” she panted as he pounded her. 

“I - love - you - too,” Nik got out between thrusts. Slow and easy was lovely, but so was this - it was like she got to enjoy the best of both worlds. He gripped her ass and pummeled her pussy as quick and hard as he could from below and finally, with a grunt, he pushed into her one last time and lifted his hips off the couch as he came. 

When he dropped back down Gwen laid her head on his chest with his dick still inside of her. They both stayed there, trying to catch their breath and slow their racing hearts. He gently stroked her back and she nuzzled her head under his chin. “At least we always get that right,” he said after a moment or two. 

“We do indeed,” Gwen said with a little chuckle. She wasn’t ready to admit it to him but it was actually nice to fuck without a baby a few feet away. She reminded herself that they needed to communicate so she decided to suck it up and tell him. “You were right,” she said with a pout, as she sat up to look at him. His dick was growing soft and starting to slip out of her. 

“I was what?” He said with a little grin. 

“You were right,” she sneered harmlessly. “It was better without Theo in the same room.” He looked a bit smug, but she was too high on the hormone rush to be bothered by it. “If moving him to his own room works out it’ll be fine, but if not - maybe we should fuck everywhere but our bedroom,” she suggested. 

“Everywhere? Like the kitchen table and the laundry room?” he asked. 

Gwen nodded. “And the shower, the spare room, your man cave -”

“Oh hell no,” he interrupted. “We can’t have sex in the man cave. If we do, that’s all I’ll think about every time I go in there.” 

“And why is that a problem?” she asked in confusion. 

“It will affect my ability to watch my footy games,” he said looking quite serious. 

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Fine, no man cave sex - but there’s still the garage, the hallway, the front foyer and the dining room.” 

“Right beside that big, giant bay window?” Nik laughed. “Give the neighbors something to talk about.” Gwen laughed too. “Oh hey, that reminds me - I got an email from my agent the other day and People magazine are asking for an exclusive. They want pictures of us with Theo and they want the details of our story.”

Gwen sighed. She knew something like this was coming and she’d been preparing for what her decision would be for a while. “I will agree to a photoshoot and a very brief interview, but not a lengthy, detailed story,” she replied. She had decided that she was okay with photos of Theo being in the media as long as they had control over them. “I want you to write our story,” Gwen continued. “I want you to write a screenplay and make it into a film. You can embellish a few things if you need to, but you’re the only one I trust to share our story with the world. What we went through, our lives - it’s art and it’s beautiful, but if we’re going to share it I need the only artist I trust with the truth to be the one painting the picture.” 

“You would be okay with turning our lives into a movie?” he asked in surprise. He knew she was typically a private person. 

Gwen nodded. “I’ve thought about it a lot and what we went through could be inspiring to other women - it could be a source of hope and strength. We survived great odds and we have a little miracle baby that’s perfect - and we’re happy.” 

“I would be honored to tell our story,” he said, smiling up at her with that deep, intense look of love in his eyes that still shocked her to this day. 

“One other thing too - the People article - whatever money we get for it I want to sponsor a woman who is trying to have a baby, or two women - however many we can. I want all the money to go to someone who needs it and is going through the same struggles I went through,” she said. “We were fortunate that we could easily afford everything, but I know there are women out there who can’t and I would love to help them out.” 

Nik lifted her hand and kissed her palm. “You have such a big heart.” 

“You didn’t think so an hour ago,” she teased, remembering one of his comments about her ‘cold heart.’ 

He smiled. “You know I didn’t mean it, just like you didn’t mean it when you called me a - what was it? Self involved, egotistical butt fucker?”

“I’m so eloquent,” she joked, laying back down on his chest with a yawn. The exhaustion had returned. 

“Should we head to bed now?” he asked. 

“Let’s just stay here a little longer,” she replied, closing her eyes. Barely two minutes had past when they heard Theo start to wail. “Well so much for that,” she groaned. He would likely fall back asleep as it hadn’t been that long since his last feeding, but she got up anyway. 

Nik stood too and they quickly dressed. “I’ll get him, you just go climb in bed and get some rest,” he said. 

“Are you sure? It’s my turn,” she replied. 

“I’m sure,” he nodded, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I’m sorry about tonight. I love you more than anything and we’re going to get through this - together.” 

Another wail interrupted them before she could reply. “Go,” she laughed. “I’ll be right there.” 

Nik took off to go calm Theo and she gathered their blanket and his pillow to take back to their bedroom. When she walked in Nik was holding Theo in his arms, rocking him gently while singing some lullaby in Danish that sounded badly off key. But it was the sweetest moment and it warmed her heart. She knew when they woke the next morning the fight would be long forgotten and they would start fresh. She also knew that she was incredibly lucky to have Nik and their beautiful son. She walked over and put her arm around Nik, then kissed Theo’s head. “You do the rocking, I’ll do the singing,” she said, giving him a look. Nik just laughed and hugged her back while she started to sing a lullaby her mom had sang to her when she was a little girl. 

_I see the moon, the moon sees me,  
Down through the leaves of the old oak tree.  
Please let the light that shines on me,  
Shine on the one I love. _


End file.
